Modest Oblivion - Book 6 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 36 - Oh your eyes they show it all

A/N – So sorry for the delay, I have been working fulltime and I let writers block get the better of me. I am working harder. I also run a blog where I write about writing and do book reviews you can find me at www.jbethjasper.wordpress.com I hope to see your support there. :) 

Oh your eyes they show it all

Harry wasn't in his right mind as he stumbled up onto the illuminated stage and, as politely as possible, shoved Saskia out of the way. She let out a 'humph' under her breath and handed him the diamond encrusted microphone. He thanked her with a slur of words and lifted a hand to shield his eyes. The rooftop was glittering with lights and the flash of cameras, suddenly he was blinded. Everything began to blur, his thoughts were tangled and some completely indecipherable all together. He knew deep down the blur of lights was due to his alcohol induced state. He had no one to blame but himself and he knew, deep down that he needed to get off that stage. Put the microphone down Harry, don’t do this. 

His unsteady legs wouldn't budge, a resentful darkness swelled in his belly. He had to warn them all from the danger of love. Harry needed to caution them, lies would bury each and every one of the people that stared up at him. Wide eyed and filled with joy, he was envious of their lack of darkness. Envious of the way their hearts were, as far as he knew, untouched by the acrid traces of deceit. 

My lies are burying me, my mistakes will be the death of me. His thoughts were warped within his chaotic mind, each notion a lingering reminder that he wasn’t the person Louis fell in love with. That Harry, the Harry with the glimmer in his green eyes and the unfaltering smile faded away with time. Fame, money and exposure wore away at his skin like the ocean against sandstone. Year by year, moment by moment and his mistakes began to grate against his soft skin. He ran a finger across the palm of his hand, he was weathered by time and by hurt. 

Sadness eroded his former self and that sadness stemmed from so many things and a multitude of people. Dakota, Logan, Porter each person that touched his soul and left him with a gaping hole in his heart. Harry often wondered if everyone would eventually leave him, those thoughts left him with rolling waves of terror. Terror that flickered like a broken light, would Louis leave? 

In the sea of people was Louis, his face scrunched into a scowl and his arms folded tightly around his torso. Harry felt small, he felt unworthy of Louis’ love and forgiveness. Louis’ eyes bore into his own, staring through the crowd and for a fleeting moment the world fell away. He was Louis, Louis was his but suddenly Louis leased space with something else. Something so dark, riddled with so much regret that Harry swore he felt the noose tightening around his neck. 

I. Am. A. Killer.

His thoughts scattered and his eyes settled on Niall next to Louis, a mop of blonde hair the swaying in the cool breeze. Niall's eyes were set on Harry, a warning. He knew that look on Niall's face all to well. A look of reservation, as if Niall was waiting for Harry to fall down. Cause that’s what you do Harry, you fall down.

Harry took a sip, well, a gulp of liquid courage and squared his broad shoulders. He plastered on a smile, it was so false he felt his cheeks cracking as if he were made of porcelain. Make it quick and step down, you don’t need to make a scene. You are better then this, aren’t you? 

“How about some applause for the happy couple?" Harry cheered, his eyes watching the crowd and he fell easily into the role of entertainer. 

Applause ensued, just like he knew it would. This wasn't the first time he'd been in front of a crowd, it was in his DNA to engage and inthrall. All eyes were firmly on him, his slender body inked with tattoos and his veins pumping alcohol that blended with regrets. Louis, too was in his blood an imprint on his soul. That's why revealing who he truly was hurt so damn badly. How could he love me? The thought taunted him and it ached deep within his heavy chest.