Modest Oblivion - Book 6 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 22 - The stars are made of us

The stars are made of us

With Flynn finally asleep and Niall pacified on the patio, cigarette in one hand and beer in the other Louis took Harry's hand. He wanted to take Harry away for a while, give him a break from the chaos of their lives. Though, in fairness he knew things would get worse before they got better as they were about to step back into the limelight.

Louis wouldn't lie, he was, deep down excited about performing and sharing their new songs with the world. There was however, a lot riding on their fame and presence in the media. There was also, to his horror a lot of skeletons in the boys' closet that was on the edge of being exposed.

Louis was facing night after night of sleeplessness, tossing and turning with Harry in his arms. Harry snored lightly, always holding Louis tightly to his body and for a while sedated from reality. Louis was fretting about their upcoming appearances and interviews. Would Niall sing? Would Harry be bombarded with questions about his time in rehab? Would Louis' relationship with Ava be questioned and picked apart for the world to see? Would Zayn's gunshot, which was hidden from the media be picked up? Would Liam's relationship, or lack thereof be in question?

All such questions rolled around in his head like marbles, he couldn't sleep or think straight. Each of them were battling demons, each of them holding on for dear life as they tried to pick up their careers.

Louis worried more for Harry than anything else, he was keeping it together but Louis didn't honestly know how much of it was for show. Harry took long, silent showers and stopped letting Louis join him. The prospect of the wedding was exciting and daunting, when Harry was expected to smile and be giddy he would fidget and chew on the inside of his cheek.

Louis forced the smiles for all of them, worried for Niall, terrified for Harry and how he would cope when asked questions he didn't want to answer. Above all he was anxious for Dakota.

Blame.

It ran thick in his veins, like tar oozing and sticking to his organs and hanging on each thought. Blame was toxic, blame was inevitable and Louis lay awake each night playing the 'what if' game.

What if he didn't tail Dakota, would she be okay? What if he hadn't made Niall and Dakota fight, would they be okay? If Niall and Dakota didn't fight would Porter have gotten in the other van? Would Porter be alive?

He tossed and turned, sleep deprived and riddled with unease. Louis watched Harry like a hawk, always catching his every move waiting for a signal. A signal that would prove, without a doubt, Harry was going off the deep end.

Louis took Harry's hand, slowly guiding him out of the bedroom with Flynn sleeping and Zayn sat in silence on the couch.

"I want you alone," Louis whispered to Harry.

Harry nodded, eyeing off Niall on the patio and Louis couldn't help but wonder, does he miss the booze and drugs? But Harry didn't say a word as they traipsed up the stairs and to the third floor.

His ears pricked when he heard Jennifer screaming at Liam, Harry's face remained blank as he opened their own bedroom door. The house was filled with potent energy, some electrified with sex and desire. A lot more energy, however was rank with unease, like smoke coursing through their lungs and fogging their minds.

Harry sat on the bed.

"Are you okay?" Louis asked, he sighed as he shut the door. Peace and quiet, at last.

"Sure," Harry shrugged.

Louis rolled his eyes, "I'm serious." He tried to keep his voice full of air and light.

"I'm serious too," Harry said, sounding rather dejected.

"What's going on?" Louis bit his lip, he shouldn't have asked. Harry's face flamed red and he stared pointedly at the floor. I should shut up. But he couldn't, he loved Harry too much to shut up any longer.

"Is it Niall?" He prompted.

Harry stilled.

"Dakota?"

Nothing.

"Me?" His voice broke.

Harry shook his head, "I'm going to have a shower." He stood up and began for the ensuite but Louis stormed forward blocking his way.

"It's me?" Louis shook his head, "I shouldn't have pushed you about the flowers it's just that I-" he was suffering word vomit, he knew he should stop but he couldn't. The words exploded out of him so fast his mind could hardly keep up. "-It's just I know you, I know you're going through something and I wanted you to be excited about the wedding."

Harry walked around Louis, saying nothing but his face twisted up in deep though and angst.

Louis faltered, swaying on his feet for a moment, "You..." He broke of, frightened to ask. "You do, want to marry me..."

Harry sucked in a breath, it was quick and ragged. Louis watched as his muscles tensed and his shoulders locked up, his eyes dragged over the corded muscle and Louis longed to touch Harry. Please, don't do this don't call it off you'll break my heart.

"I need a shower."

"Don't walk away from me!" Louis snarled, it surprised him so much that he took a pointed step back. "Harry, do you still want to marry me?"

Harry's hand was on the door handle, his knuckles turning ghostly white as he gripped it tightly.

"Harry?"

He said nothing, still as a statue and as tense as Niall was these days.

Louis swayed on his feet, his heart dropped into his ankles as he stared at Harry's unruly hair and tried to find reason. No. No. Please, no!

"Harry Edward Styles!" Louis hissed, "Answer me."

Harry turned around, "It's not that simple."

"What?" Louis screamed now, he lost his control as his anger took over. "I can't hear you?"

"I said," Harry cleared his throat, "It's not that simple."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Louis screamed.

"Louis, please-"

"What's this whole wedding for anyway? To entertain me?" Louis threw his hands up into the air, disgusted with himself for believing Harry's bullshit and for dreaming of the perfect wedding with someone who for all intents and purposes didn't seem to want to get married. "Who are you?"

Harry leant against the bathroom door, his head resting with a sigh and he closed his eyes. His chest rose and fell in shaking breaths, he listened to Louis but remained tight lipped.

"Talk to me," Louis hissed, "What the fuck did I do now?"

He shook his head.

"What that's it?" Louis snarled, "You just bow out after everything we've been through? Is this a game to you or are you fucking back on the drugs?" The mere question of Harry being back on drugs rattled Louis to the very core. "Harry?" His voice broke but he was so pumped with anger he couldn't cry, he had no tears.

He turned around, his lips pressed together in a thin line and opened the bathroom door. He slammed it shut, the shower turned on and the sound of running water filled the room.

Louis blood boiled and he slapped the door open, he screamed, "Look at me!"

Harry didn't.

Louis grabbed Harry's shoulders, spun him around and with a surprising amount of strength slammed him against the bathroom wall. "Look at me!" He huffed.

Then, as his blood boiled Harry finally looked at him and Louis wasn't sure what he saw in Harry's emerald eyes. Sadness, longing and above all... regret.