Modest Oblivion - Book 6 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 4 - Take your bad days with your good

 Take your bad days with your good 

Harry yawned as he stepped out of his SUV, and he pushed his sunglasses amidst the mass of overgrown curls on his head. The sun was still beating down but the afternoon had grown cool, he wrapped Louis’ knitted black cardigan around his slender waist. Harry’s mind was unsettled the entire drive from Zayn’s house to The White Elephant, and his hands gripped the steering wheel until his knuckles burned white. He had hoped the silence, the long stretch of road ahead would give him time to think, to put together a string of reminders that Niall was needed here in the present. Instead, Harry found the silence stifling and his stomach twisted in trepidation. 

During the drive his mind deviated to the boys fretting over his addictive tendencies, Niall’s drinking and settled uneasily on Dakota. Then there was thoughts, as fleeting as they were, about the wedding. Though in all honesty he hardly had time to focus on the upcoming nuptials in France, let alone get excited about them. 

There had been so much going on, in fact he couldn’t remember when there wasn’t drama or chaos surrounding the boys. So much worry blatantly shifted his thoughts to everywhere and everyone but to Louis. He hated that, hated worrying so much and not being able to truly enjoy the events right in front of him. Harry made a mental note as he drove to rescue Niall that he needed to spend more time with Louis, alone. 

The corners of his mouth turned up as he smirked and thought of all the delicious ways he could truly be alone with his love. But, being alone came with Louis’ constant unease. Louis always watching him and questioning him, suffocating him as he waited for Harry to fail. Harry didn’t want to fail, nor did he want them all to expect him to so quickly fall off the wagon. But they did, they all lingered around him, worrying and the worst part was the fact that none of them ever left him alone with Flynn. That hurt him the most, the way no one trusted his moods or his control. I would never hurt Flynn.

 Harry wanted to prove them all wrong, but three nights after Dakota was officially declared missing he found himself swallowing a handful of Ambien, alone in the bathroom. Tears rolled down his face as he lost control, he was faced with the inability to make sense of the tangled web of thoughts that flooded his mind. Nor was he able to eradicate the guilt of Dakota’s disappearance. If I had done more, seen the signs… Louis spent countless nights over the months trying to soothe Harry’s aching soul. It did nothing, every night he woke covered in sweat and desperate to forget her face, the sadness in her eyes as he now realised she truly was saying ‘goodbye’ the last time he hugged her. 

Harry shuddered away reminders that Dakota knew she was going to hell, he only wished she had told him where that hell was. Harry recalled, in chilling detail the look in her big eyes as she said goodbye to Jennifer and they watched her walk away. Five and a half months, without word or even the finality of her death and it tore Harry apart. He stood in the car park and took a deep breath, it was the first time he had truly been alone in weeks. Since his fall off the wagon and handful of Ambien the group had all been watching him like hawks. They never left him alone, always a tag team of his friends as they whispered ‘are you okay’ and ‘I’m here if you need me.’

Harry frowned, what he needed was to be alone. He needed to fall apart and for that to be okay, he didn’t need everyone hovering over him and waiting for him to collapse in a heap. He often wondered if they were all expecting him to just suddenly kill himself, Harry wouldn’t. He was stronger them that…stronger than Logan.

Now in the car park the wind was chilling, it whipped around him and he shuddered. Suddenly the notion of going to see Niall wasn’t such a good idea. It was the first time Harry had been to the White Elephant since Logan died. Harry hadn’t been anywhere that he and Logan frequented, in honesty he wasn’t sure how he would handle being so close to Logan…since he died. He looked up at the building, cars sped past and onto the freeway behind him and he closed his eyes. 

For a moment he stilled, overwhelmed with reminders of Logan. Overwhelmed with the silence that he hadn’t been granted in months, he was finally alone. It frightened him more than anything else, his solidarity at the clinic was endless. After his time in rehab Harry was frightened to be alone, but now he savoured it. He missed Louis, thinking of him he gripped the iPhone in his pocket. 

Logan filled his thoughts, Harry didn’t realise how much he truly missed Logan until now. Until he was faced with his thoughts and emotions, there were no drugs to hide behind and no people to distract himself with. Only himself and the steady hum of the world passing by. 

If he concentrated hard enough he could just hear Logan’s laugh, just make out the sound of Logan chuckling at Harry and singing along to the taxi’s radio with Niall. Harry lingered, eyes closed for a few moments and could almost feel Logan’s warm hand in his own. A smile formed on his lips, lost in the memory of his friend. “Harry,” the voice surrounded him and his eyes shot open. He was chilled to the core. 

Harry looked around, when he saw no one, as he expected, he began for the door of the White Elephant. It looked different in the light of day, the lights of the sign were off and there were no bouncers at the door. He recalled the sound of the crowd as he staggered hand in hand with Logan. He smiled to himself, despite all the pain and heartache he and Logan did have some fun. 

Harry climbed the steps and opened the heavy door, conversation, the clink of glasses and music surrounded him immediately. It was dark, he fumbled as he walked through and shoved his keys in his jean pocket. His phone vibrated several times but he didn’t bother looking at it, he simply rejected the calls. 

A brunette in tight black jeans and a loose fitting white tank walked over with a beer in her hand, “Sorry sweetie we’re not open–“

“Quinn?” Harry frowned. “It’s me.”

She narrowed her eyes. Quinn had never liked Harry, she blamed Harry solely for Logan’s death and always gave him attitude. “What do you want?”

Harry stepped forward, “He’s here?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she replied but her eyes flickered with understanding. 

“I need to see him,” Harry said ignoring her attitude. 

“Who?” She drank from the beer not meeting his eyes. 

“Quinn, please.”

“You need to leave,” she hissed. “No one’s here, Logan left a while ago...” she stepped closer. "Remember?" 

Harry’s face dropped as he glared at her, “Fuck you!”

She laughed. She blatantly laughed in her face and Harry hadn’t been consumed by so much rage for a very long time.