Modest Oblivion - Book 6 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 16 - Feel your heartbeat

‘Heartbeat’ – The Fray

‘Alibi’ – Banks

Feel your heartbeat

Louis surprised everyone, admits the chaos that was swiftly unfolding in the meeting room he stood up and whispered, “I’ll go with Niall.”

Harry was arguing with the security guard that was holding him down in his chair but he stopped mid sentence and turned to Louis, “You don’t have to.”

Louis smiled as he studied Harry’s face, “I know.” He leant over and held Harry’s hand tightly, “But I need to.”

Harry’s face softened into one of his beautiful smiles, dimples on full display, “Go.”

“I’ll see you soon,” He called over his shoulder. 

Louis took off out of the room, shouts swarming in the air and down the corridor and he ran to the elevator with phone clutched in his hand. He pressed the button and dialled Niall’s number, twice, but there was no answer. Louis was anxious, worried for Niall and now for Liam and Jennifer but he focused his thoughts on Niall. I need to be with him, he can’t do this alone.

Louis felt he owed a lot to Niall, namely the fact that Niall looked after Harry for all the months that Louis was gone. He picked Harry up when he was down, cleaned him up when he was sick from all the drugs and then put him back to bed. Niall did the same thing over and over again for months and Louis was always to terrified to contemplate what life would have been like if Niall hadn’t been there for Harry. He shuddered, don’t even think about it. 

The concept of a life without Harry was like breathing without air. It was impossible and deadly, so he brushed the thoughts away. I owe him, Louis decided. He owed Niall for a lot and though over the months that Dakota had been missing Louis suffered from irreconcilable guilt, plagued with regret he tried to keep Niall close. Even if Niall didn’t want him there, at the hospital, Louis knew he had to try. They had all been through so much and unfortunately it was Niall’s turn to suffer. Louis vowed Niall would never, ever suffer alone. 

The elevator doors opened with a ding and he bounded in, nearly knocking over some staff members along the way but the moment they saw his face they backed down. ‘That’s Louis, from One Direction,’ one hissed and he smirked. Least his face was good for something, he frantically pressed ground and it felt like hours until he hit the bottom level. The moment the doors open he took off at a run, Niall was waiting on the curb shouting into his phone and puffing away on a cigarette. Louis relaxed, through the lobby and past some screaming fans and Louis pat Niall on the shoulder. 

Niall, surrounded by a cloud of smoke jumped with fright. “What?” He hissed, his face slightly softened when he saw it was Louis. 

“I’m coming with you,” Louis huffed as he struggled to catch his breath. 

“No.”

“I’m coming,” Louis said again. 

“I don’t want you to,” Niall said as he sucked on the cigarette. “I don’t need you to.”

“Well,” Louis lit his own cigarette, “I’ll come just in case you need me.”

“I’m fine,” Niall hissed, his face betraying him as his lip trembled. 

Louis raised an eyebrow, “I heard you last night.”

Niall’s angry expression dropped, face flushing red. “I was watching a sad movie.”

“You don’t need to lie to me,” Louis sighed stepping closer to Niall. He wasn’t sure why but he always felt that having the boys close when he was in pain helped ease the suffering. If one of them fell, the others would soon be following to pick them up. 

“I’m not lying to you,” Niall replied with a growl. 

Louis simply watched him in silence, people walking past them on the street and Louis just wanted Niall to open up. I’m here, I’m right here. Talk to me. His mind pleaded but Niall turned his back, Louis stayed there, hoping Niall would realise he wasn’t going anywhere. 

“I’m not lying to you,” Niall repeated after a time, “I’m lying…” he shook his head. 

“Tell me,” Louis said softly. Please, open up. Louis knew the feeling all too well, the weight that resided deep in his chest and put pressure on his lungs. Without Harry, he was in pain and unable to breathe. When Harry was in rehab he couldn’t think straight, every minute not knowing if or when he would see Harry again was agony. He recalled, as they stood silently on the footpath, how many times he’d tried to open up. Rationalising that if he let them in he would pull them into his pit of darkness, worrying that if he opened up and let himself feel the pain would be too much. If he let himself cry, in the arms of his friends he’d never stop. 

“I’m lying to myself,” Niall confessed. 

Thank God, Louis thought sending a silent prayer to whoever or whatever was up there in the beyond. Whatever it was that compelled Niall to speak, to tell the truth. 

“I know,” Louis replied, he stepped closer but refrained from touching Niall. He didn’t want to spook the poor guy, it was evident in Niall’s tired eyes and slumped shoulders that he was exhausted. “I’ve been there.”

“But you got out,” Niall whispered. 

Louis grimaced, “I did.” He paused, looking at Niall, “You will too.”

“I might not.”

“You–“

“She could permanently have this, live a life of forgotten memories. Forgotten pain and sadness,” Niall shook his head as he butted the cigarette out with his shoe. 

“That’s not so bad is it?” Louis asked, “Forgetting all the pain.”

Niall nodded, “But with pain comes joy, with that pain came me.”

The car pulled up and Louis quickly pulled Niall in for a hug, “Whatever comes, we’ll be there for her and for you.”

“She might not want to see me,” Niall sighed as Richard opened the car door for him. “I deserve it.”

Louis winced at Niall’s low blow, “No. You don’t, don’t ever say that.”

“I…” Niall’s voice broke, “I told her I wished she were dead.”

“You didn’t mean it.”

“But she’ll never know I didn’t mean it,” Niall hiccuped as he rested his head on Louis’ lap and cried in silence. 

“She will, we’ll help her remember.” Louis promised but deep down he knew it was a promise he could not keep or fulfil. The realisation had his stomach in knots as they drove to the hospital, would Dakota ever remember any of it? If she didn’t Louis would carry that heavy blame for the rest of his life, unable to forget as the reminder was written all over Niall’s face, and broken heart.