Modest Oblivion - Book 6 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 10 - Much harder to know

‘Bridges’ – Broods

‘Cute without the E’ – Taking Back Sunday

Much harder to know

They found her, repeated in Louis head he was taken back by the revelation that after all this time Dakota was alive. 

Louis sat on the couch, he was picking at the loose stitch on a pillow in his lap. Darkness swamped the world around them but there was a hive of activity in the house, deep down he was completely lost as to what to do. Liam busied himself with Flynn until the nanny arrived and took the sleeping baby away. The last ting anyone wanted, even though Flynn was obviously too young, was for Flynn to see Niall…any of them fly off the handle at the news. Louis silently wished he could go with Flynn, hiding away from his problems always worked better for him. No! Harry needs you.

 Louis’s mind was at war, half of him was relieved Dakota was found and the other was terrified of what she would be like or what she would do to him…He felt like he was part of the blame, it’s never going to change with her. Louis knew, calling the tail on Dakota at the Bachelor Party was one of the worst decisions he had made to date. He regretted it every time he saw Niall retreat into himself further, every time Harry cried himself to sleep.

Louis was being eaten alive by his guilt, that’s not you, despite what she’s done you never wished this upon Dakota. Whatever ‘this’ was, Louis was terrified to hear how far she’d fallen and now not even Porter was here to carry the burden. 

Louis internally winced at the mention of Porter. I miss you. He waited for the reply of Porter’s gruff voice but heard nothing and it was sad, he couldn’t imagine a wedding without their best friend, a life without Porter by their sides. Drinking Vodka and complaining about everyone, the way he’d scream into the phone when he was angry and his eyes would light up when he was happy. 

He sighed, brows knit together as he stared at his shaking hands, he was at fault for getting her in whatever trouble it was she was in. They all had no idea what had truly happened that night at the hospital, Zayn honestly couldn’t remember anything more then papers scattered all over the ground and the feel of searing agony in his flesh when he went for Dakota and the gun went off. It hit him above the knee, Louis recalled with frightening detail the blood that poured from Zayn’s thigh and the sound of his screaming. It wasn’t screams of pain, it was screams of pure fear for Dakota. 

Louis winced as he remember seeing Niall on the ground, Louis sucked in a breath recalling the single moment he thought Niall was dead. The moment his heart broke and he truly thought he’d lost one of his brothers, it was horrific and terrifying all at once. Niall walked into the house in silence with Harry’s hand in his own, Louis smiled in relief to see Harry was okay. The news of Dakota was a shock, receiving said news without Harry by his side sent his anxiety into overdrive. 

Jennifer sat on a stool at the bench with her hands wrapped around her small torso, her eyes glistened with tears and her breathing was ragged. All they knew was Dakota had been found, but they didn’t know the specifics. Something about the way Jennifer sobbed constantly told Louis it was bad news, which only increased his guilt. Please be okay, for Niall and Harry.

Guilt was like acid, it ate away at his mind and heart, always slowly chewing through his thoughts and decisions. Even in sleep he was unable to escape the fury of guilt, escape the constant blame and ‘what if’s’ that resided in the pit of his stomach like a dead weight. 

Louis glanced over at Harry and immediately stood up, Harry shook his head so Louis nodded and sat down. He looked over at Zayn who clenched his jaw in brooding silence beside him on the couch, he was furiously rubbing at his aching leg. It was a twitch he often had when thinking of Dakota, perhaps thoughts of her made him associate with his gunshot wound…maybe it ached when he worried for her. Louis leant over and put his hand in Zayn’s.