Modest Oblivion - Book 6 (Larry Stylinson AU)

Chapter 39 - I hope you never pretend for me

I hope you never pretend for me

Harry stared at Louis, Louis stared at the skyline but neither said a word. Liam huffed as his chest rose and fell, his cheeks burned red, he glared at Harry. Harry’s face burned from Liam’s hand that collided with his cheek, Harry knew he was in the wrong, but that didn’t stop the tears from falling hard and fast. He felt numb as his tears rolled down his cheeks, he looked to Niall for support, Niall walked away.

Harry gripped a glass of wine in his hand, he felt unsteady on his feet, but the buzz was what he was after. Wasn’t it? He stifled a sob and watched Jennifer follow Niall onto the dance floor, the look on Niall’s exhausted face simply reminded Harry how much of a disappointment he really was. Why do you always fuck up? His drunk mind ranted, on and on about all his mistakes and it was impossible to stifle them. 

“Liam,” Harry mumbled, “I’m sorry.”

“I know,” Liam replied, calmly. 

Louis spun around, “What?” He and Harry said in unison. 

Harry stared at Louis, who stared at Liam. Liam sighed, “You are drunk, again.” Liam paused, he looked exhausted and disappointed, just like Niall. Liam flicked his gaze over the glittered skyline, “You're also keeping things from the rest of us.” Liam narrowed his eyes as he returned his gaze to Harry, “We've all felt the sting of lies. Why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

Harry opened his mouth, Liam seemed so open and so honest and he was sure he’d feel better if he just opened up. He raised the wine glass to his lips, he did not give his confession a second thought and a wave of courage devoured him. Harry puffed out his chest, licked his lips and said, “Well when I–“

Louis was fast, his words shot out of his mouth at breakneck speed and he stepped in front of Harry. “Not tonight, Li,” His voice was soft, his eyes sharp as he warned Harry to keep his mouth shut. “This is your night,” Louis said, emphasising that it wasn’t about any of them. Louis glared at Harry, his face cast in shadow but his eyes glinted from the surrounding fairy lights, “You should be with Jennifer.”

Harry sighed, “Yeah.” He looked at Louis, at the sharp line in his jaw and the shadow of stubble on his cheeks. Harry was overcome with desire, I need you now. His mind was as aroused as he was, his thoughts were a complete mess and Harry felt a twist in his stomach when Zayn grabbed Niall’s arm on the dance floor. Niall shook his head and mumbled something for only Zayn to hear, but Harry was unable to read Niall’s lips and he felt a sour taste in his mouth. It’s not the wine Harry, it’s the guilt. You’ve pushed Niall to breaking point, all you do is push people. Push, push, push! His mind screamed at him, Harry felt trapped in his body as Louis continued to talk to Liam but Harry struggled to concentrate on the two of them. 

Harry was flushed with arousal, he was punched with emotion and then when he tried to make sense of the mess his head simply swam with so many thoughts that he felt dizzy. Harry stumbled back, the two boys stopped talking and looked at him. “Lou,” he mumbled. 

Liam sighed and stepped toward Harry. 

“No,” Louis snapped. “He’s my problem, not yours.”

Liam lingered, he watched Harry as Louis helped him sit down, and folded his arms. Liam’s black vest pulled tight over his crisp, white shirt and Jennifer appeared behind him. The music surrounded them, Jennifer snaked her thin hands around his chest and whispered in his ear. He looked torn between Harry and Jennifer, his face twisted into an uneasy expression and his forehead knit with worry. 

Harry raised a his shaking hand, “Liam dance. I’m always a mess, don’t let it ruin the party.” Louis knelt at Harry’s feet, his hand rested briefly on Harry’s knee and he offered Liam a smile, in agreement with Harry’s statement. 

Jennifer smiled, “You’re not just any mess!” She called over the music, “You’re our mess.”

It was just like Jennifer to ignore the issues, to focus on the positive, and above all offer the boys unconditional love. She swayed her hips, the thick material of her dress made a ‘whoosh’ sound with each movement. The ring on her hand glittered as she stroked Liam’s chest, Harry liked how happy the two looked. It made him hate himself even more for ruining, or attempting to, ruin their perfect night. Drama queen, his mind snarled.

Louis focused on Harry’s tie, he smirked at Jennifer’s comment. “We’ll see you on the dance floor,” he said over his shoulder. His hands untied the knotted tie and he mumbled under his breath, ‘what a mess,’ and ‘of all nights.’ Every word that came out of Louis’ mouth was another stab of remorse in Harry’s heavy chest. 

Liam turned, took Jennifer’s hand in his own and they danced all the way to the centre of the floor. Jennifer had her bouquet in her hand as she waved them above her head, she beamed at Liam and squealed when he picked her up and spun her around. Harry watched the pair, it was like he was in a dream. After everything they had all been through he was witness to two of his best friends finally finding happiness, would he get that happiness too? The thought brought him to full attention, Louis’  hands twisted around the soft material of his tie and his eyes focused only on the task at hand. He knelt at Harry’s feet, the soft breeze blew his long hair in his eyes but he didn’t brush it away. 

Harry leaned forward, the alcohol buzzed in his veins, his body was on fire. His hand gently brushed the hair from Louis’ face, his fingers grazed his cheek and Louis sucked in a sharp breath. Harry felt alive again, each time he touched Louis he was invigorated. “Louis,” his voice like gravel. 

Louis closed his eyes, his hands gripped the tie. 

“I’m sorry,” Harry said. His hand cupped Louis’ cheek, he said nothing more and stared down at Louis, now he would wait for Louis to make the next move. Louis cheek was hot to touch, the feel of his skin ignited every nerve ending in Harry’s body. 

Louis tied the tie in silence. 

Harry breathed in the cold night air, cautious. 

Louis gripped the tie in one hand, tight. 

Harry closed his eyes, defeated. 

Eventually Harry would go to far, eventually he would get what he deserved and he would have no one to blame but himself. A time would come when Louis would have enough, when Niall would walk away for the final time and the band would disintegrate into a million shards of memories. Memories that would fade with time, pain that would grow with every day Louis was not at his side. Harry lived in constant fear that each day he lived, would be the day he finally fucked up beyond repaid. Harry closed his eyes tight, his blood pumped dread, his flesh tingled with the silence between them. 

He recalled every second Louis left him, every aching moment he broke beyond repair. He recalled Logan, an absence that would always remain. Harry remembered Porter and Rachel, Blake and Ava and his body shuddered.

Would this be the time he pushed Louis too far? Would Harry be able to hold on if Louis finally let go?