Never Let You Go ▶A Levi Ackerman X Reader◀

Chapter Sixty

2 days later

Her screams. All I can hear are her screams. I sprint as fast as I can towards the sound.

"(Y/N)!" I cry out.

"Help me, Levi!"

I fly past the trees, panting hard. My skin feels hot. My heart pounds.

Where is she? WHERE IS SHE?

Her screams grow quieter, slowly fading away.

Suddenly I slam into something big and fleshy. I fall backwards into the grass. I peer up, my eyes landing on the Titan.

My eyes widen.

It opens its mouth, (Y/n)'s mangled corpse falling onto the grass. I open my mouth and scream as loud as I can.

My whole body jerks as my eyes fly open. Just as I did in my nightmare, I scream out loud. As soon as I realize I'm at home, I stop, clamping my hand over my mouth.

My skin is clammy, my heart hammering against my rib cage. I pant hard, quickly looking around the room. I'm alone.

I collapse onto the damp sheets, suddenly blinded by tears. I cry bitterly and loudly.

I don't fall back asleep out of fear. I sit in bed, my back against the headboard, not moving. I barely notice the sun rising.

Today is the day. Her funeral.

I climb out of bed. I walk over to the closet and open the door. I reach in, pulling out my special uniform. We all have one to wear for funerals. But this feels different. It almost doesn't feel appropriate. She wasn't just a colleague. She was my wife.

I pull the clothes on, my movements feeling robotic, like I'm not in control of my own body. I don't feel any emotion. Just dread.

I go to the kids room, finding them nice clothes and dressing them. They nap on the way to the graveyard.

I find Hanji first. She is wearing the same uniform as me. She looks at me with sad eyes.

"Hey, Levi."

"Hello Hanji." I respond. My voice echoes the lack of emotion I feel inside me.

She doesn't say anything else. She just lingers at my side, silently supporting me.

I keep the kids in their carriage. I don't want them to run around. This isn't the place.

(Y/n)'s aunt Beth finds me. She doesn't say anything. She just hugs me. You can tell she's been crying.

She's been through a lot. She lost a lot of family during the Shinganshina attack. The Titans have taken a lot from the both of us.

It's an emotional day. Everywhere you look, you can find someone with tears in their eyes. It's overwhelming. She had a lot of people that loved her.

Her casket is already set up above the hole. I chose a beautiful mahogany box. It looks glossy and smooth. A beautiful bouquet of orchids adorn the surface.

I feel a hand on my shoulder, followed by another. And another.

I peer over my shoulder. My squad stands behind me, all of them with a hand on me. For once, I find their touch comforting. I feel thankful that (Y/n) taught me how to feel somewhat comfortable in vulnerable situations.

"We're with you, Captain." Armin tells me, his voice soft.

The pastor steps up, reading from a book of scripture, as per funerals go. The words he says don't register in my brain. I stand in silence, my body numb. It still doesn't feel real.

I look down, letting my hair fall in my eyes as they well up with tears.

"Carry her Lord, bringing her soul up to yours, above..."

A knot forms in my throat and I swallow hard. I can hear crying all around me.

I clench my jaw, my eyes on the grass, watching it move as it flutters in the wind.

I see a dark spot form on my boot. Followed by another. I peer up long enough to see dark storm clouds forming. How appropriate.

The rain comes down hard and I'm almost thankful. It hides my tears that continuously stream down my cheeks.

It feels like an eternity before the pastor comes to a close and our coworkers are called up to give their own eulogy to her.

Hanji goes first.

"(Y/n) came into our care after the Shinganshina attack. We nursed her back to health. And that's where we became friends." She begins, stopping every so often to sniff loudly.

"She was a truly beautiful person, inside and out. Working as a member of the Survey Corps has left us all lacking emotion. And, I think I can speak for most of us, she reminded us how to feel again."

Hanji's words strike me deep. She's right.

It hurts and warms my heart to hear how she positively affected everyone around her. It takes everything in me to not collapse on the ground.

I close my eyes, seeing the image of her smiling face play across my mind like a movie. So many memories overwhelm me. The first time we met, the first time we kissed, the first "I love you", the first time we made love...

I begin to crumble. My legs grow weak. I suddenly feel arms under my shoulders, holding me up.

"We got you, Captain." Jean says from my left.

"We won't let you down." Eren says from my left.

People come and go, giving their finals words on (Y/n). And then they offer me a turn.

I step up to the podium. I take a deep breath.

"I..." I begin, trying to form words. I'm surprised by the hoarseness of my voice. "I didn't prepare anything. So I'll make it up as I go.

"I know that everyone here loved her and is going to miss her sweet face as much as I do. She was very kind. Hanji was right. She reminded me how to feel human. How to feel emotions in a way that was healthy. And how to face them head on. No one could bring as much comfort as she could. I will miss her voice and hearing her say, 'Good morning hun.' Or seeing her with our kids. She was an amazing mother." I stop suddenly, a sob threatening to escape.

"She is loved. And she loved."

I have to stop. I step back from the podium.

After that they slowly start to lower her casket into the deep hole below. I want to scream. I want to grab onto her casket and never let it escape. I want her to hold my hand and comfort me.

But that's all over now.

We take turns, dropping roses and orchids onto her casket. The bottom of the hole is quickly filled with brilliant shades of red and blue.

Hanji guides me into the carriage.

"Do you want to go home, captain?"

"Yes." The word comes out as a whisper.

"Do you want some company? The cadets wanted me to ask."

"Give me some time to think about it."

"Of course, sir."

I ride the carriage with Hanji and the kids in silence. When we get back to the house I tell her yes.