Behind the smile

Sensei

I was hurt beyond repair that day

Once I heard, I knew I couldn't stay

I wish I could bring her back one last time

To hug her close, tell her that everything will be fine

I wanted to be free of the demons feasting on my soul

I wanted to feel accepted, feel loved, at least a whole

My parents were cruel since childhood

I didn't deserve all the pain that I took

I was running in circles, nowhere else to go

My roots were pulled out, had no room to grow

My family was already broken, my world torn apart

I couldn't refuse, I had too much on the heart

I was alone, wanted nothing more than that

Never guessed I would walk down this dark path

I had gone through too much, prayed for it to be over

I could feel death's presence, feel him get closer

The girl I had loved now gone

Because of the things I've done

I was there for her through thick and thin

Opened my arms up to welcome her in

But I was surrounded with negative energy

My friends and my family

My demons and my enemies

No one understood me

I didn't want to be called crazy

I bottled everything in my jar

I wore a mask to hide the scars

But then I wanted to embrace myself to her

I wasn't sure about it, afraid it would be over

But in the end, it was broken

I could have asked for another token

But I didn't want her to drown in my ocean

I know I have to change my ways

And live happily for the rest of days

It's not an easy task

To fight depression and trauma of the past

Yeah, I'm trying my best

To outcome the odds and rest

But there is a question roaming in my mind

If I changed, would she come back and be mine?

I don't know anything about her lately

I really would like to check on her on the daily

But my ego is holding me aside

Telling me she won't reply

Hurting her was not planned,

but loving her was.

My mind always told me to leave and advance

But my heart told me that I still have a chance

I really do love her and want her back

But what's her intention in that?