Behind the smile

The child in me

There's a child in me

Looking to me for answers

As to why his father is leaving

Why is he leaving us behind?

Is it his fault or mine?

Did he ever love us at all?

There's a child in me

Sporting bruises, telling lies

Courtesy of our father

Because while I grew to hate him

He still clings to the idea

That his father is innocent

And we are the problem.

There's a child in me

Hiding in the shadows

Praying that I can protect him

Like no else could before

Despite what he faced

I'm still dealing with.

There's a child in me

Who breaks my heart

When I meet him glazed over eyes

And recognize my own,

And feel like I failed myself.

There's a child in me

Clinging to my hand

Praying I can guide him

Through this dark and cold maze

Despite being lost myself.

There's a child in me

Crying out for mercy

Hoping that I'll tell him it's all a dream

And soon he'll wake

And be a child again.

There's a child in me

Broke and beaten

Wondering why he's the way he is

And why he was so worthless

Everyone threw him away.

There's a child in me

Asking me why I'm so cold,

Why do I want the world to burn?

When will I save him?

What does tomorrow have in store?

There's a child in me

Who tells me I'm being what I hate

"How can you hate them?

When you're just like them

This isn't what I wanted!"

There's a child in me

Wondering why his parents

Wish he was never born

How they could happily go on

Knowing he paid the price

For their sins.

There's a child in me

Thinking that one day

His knight in shining armor

Will come and rescue him

From a sinner like me.

There's a child in me

Screaming at the top of his lungs

For his father to never let him go

To stick with him in his anger

And reap his love.

There's a child in me

Defending his parent abuse

Saying he deserves it all

And whatever in between

He was dealt.

There's a child in me

Hugging his knees to his chest

When he wished his parents

Would take him into their embrace

Instead of their wars.

There's a child in me

Who's begging for the world to remember

He did not ask for this pain,

All he wanted

Was to love and be loved

Not to be used and to be abused

Like he has.

There was a child in me

A distant memory before

The world murdered him,

He smiled with joy

And shine bright against the dark,

And now he's nothing more than

A pile of bones found in a closet

The people meant to protect him

Buried him in.