Behind the smile

Darkroom

Here I am in the eerie of the night

Contemplating myself

My failures came over for a visit

My pain gave me a massage

And my chest opened the way for hurt

Here I am in the midst of the night

Contemplating my darkness

It became no apparent to me

That I became a dark soul

I would wake up every day

With dark thoughts in my mind

I would stare at the sky

And all I could see was grey

Even though I kept a brave face

Even though my smile

Would light up the room

My eyes were full of darkness

I never noticed time was passing by

Because it felt like

I was sitting in that dark room for a day

But I didn't realize that

It had now become a daily routine

That even months later

My pain was still a fresh wound

I lived in the darkness of night

Intoxicated and unleashed

I grew wilder by the day

And avoided all the things

That brought light to my soul

My darkroom was replaced by a dark world

I grew less empathetic

I saw the pain in others

And never thought of giving a hand

I made a home in the darkness

Feeling sober only in toxic states

I became what I hated most

But loved every second of it

My light grew weaker

It almost became foreign to me

And soon my failures

Would deal another blow to me,

One that would break me down

Even more than what I had experienced already

This dark energy that's within me

Had almost completely taken over

I was alone

I felt like the ultimate failure

I was misty with memories

I only had a single glimmer of light

Left inside of me

I wallowed and let my eyes

Wonder about the darkroom

I then noticed something

My room had a mirror,

I forgot I had one because

I was too afraid to face myself

My curiosity got the better of me

So, I stood up walked over to it

And saw a sight I would never forget

I saw a semblance in the mirror

I saw someone with a dark soul

To which I became shocked

I was shocked with what I saw because I couldn't recognize

The person I was seeing

I saw the shadow of

The person I used to be

And I didn't like what I saw

Because in that moment

I met with my darkness

Not being able to take it any longer

I walked over to a switch

And switched on the light

Now I am in a room full of light

Realizing that there is a lot to address

There is a lot of pain to conquer

A lot of failures to redeem myself from

And most of all a lot of light to bring back to my soul.

For In that moment

I knew that the work had just begun.