Behind the smile

Time travel

Forget about the past, they say

I tell the past to forget about me

You need to relax, they say

You just don't see, I reply

They don't know what I go through every day

Not everything can be seen

For me, it's depression and the PTSD

I try to speak, but I feel so weak

I try to stand, but it's hard to trust hands

Logically I understand

But it doesn't feel that way

Some people have left me

And I guess that's okay

But by speaking about my experiences

I hope to teach you today

It all happened one day

I wasn't safe

And because of this occurrence

This moment has been hard to escape

Sometimes I time travel

But not in the way you think

A moment ago, I was in my room

But it can change in a blink

All the sounds around me engulf me in fear

The fear may be far

But to me, it feels so near

Flashback of traumas hurt, I'm not going to lie

The lack of control

The lack of time

I can't really say when it will occur

It just seems to happen in a blur

A blur can be a second

Or a few minutes in time

But it's the only moment repeating in your mind

It's hard to think logically when you have no control

It's like being between times in a black hole

A blast of emotion feeling unsafe

The only hard part is the way to escape

It means sacrificing time I know I need

It's hard for me to admit

Even harder for you to see

I try to fight it hoping it will go away

But it usually follows with a larger wave

The sense of frustration pumps through my veins

The lack of control drives me insane

If it were up to me

I would be inside

My brain wants one thing

But my body needs time

It's hard in a place with a lack of control

It's hard to balance when people don't know

That seems strange to you

You may not know

But you can now see

People's stories are different

Then what they seem