25
I was too independent before. Mas'yado akong nakampante na palagi ay kaya ko at palagi ay kaya kong masolusyunang mag-isa ang mga problema ko.
Nguni't gumuho ang lahat ng biglang nalang nagsunod-sunod ang problema ko. Nagsunod-sunod ang pagkawala nila ng lahat saakin. Akala ko kaya ko. Akala ko ay madali lang akong makakabangon.
But then, it's not that easy to take another step after having the darkest days of my whole life.
I'm not sure how I'm going to take another step after falling into a deep hole.
I failed to achieve my dreams. I lost my brother. I lost my mom. I lost my dad and I lost my bestfriend.
There was no one left to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be okay. No one was there to comfort me. I hug and comfort myself instead.
The pain inside me didn't leave. I remember how I mourned for my best friend alone. I remember how I cried in front of her grave.
Ni hindi ko napansin noon na may kakaiba sa kanya... Hindi ko alam na 'yung best friend kong inakala kong malakas ay napakabigat ng dinadalang pasakit. I'm so useless, I didn't even see that she was already suffering from trauma and depression...
I hated everyone who hurt me, and I hated myself because I just let them hurt me.
I learned how to not depend on others. I learned that in this world full of judgement, I have no one but myself.
I was alone all the time, and I learned how to accept that I'm going to be alone forever. I don't need anyone. I don't need anyone who would just hurt me again.
Hindi ko na kailangan ng kasama dahil natuto na akong tumayo sa sarili kong paa...
"Congratulations, Attorney Fabrejas!"
My lips curved into a cheerful grin.
Pinanood ko kung paanong binuksan ni Sandra ang isang bote ng wine. I couldn't help but laugh when it suddenly exploded.
"Ay puta, sumabog!" Matabil na dilang anito at pinunasan ng tissue ang kamay n'yang natapunan ng wine.
"Yucks! Sayang 'yung damit ko. Nadumihan!"
"Arte," biro ko pa at tumawa. Kinuha ko ang binuksan n'yang wine na ipinatong sa bar counter t'yaka nilagyan ang baso ko.
"But I still can't believe it! Attorney ka na!" Nagsimula na naman itong tumili at hampasin ang braso ko.
I just smiled at her. "Yeah... finally." Bulong ko pa.
Tinupad ko ang pangarap naman talaga saakin ng mga magulang ko. Tinupad ko ang gusto nila para saakin. Para sa kanila ang ginawa ko. Para sa kanila kaya tinahak ko ang landas na ito.
Pinanood ko kung paanong nakihalubilo si Sandra sa dance floor at iniwan na ulit ako mag-isa dito sa bar counter katulad ng madalas n'yang ginagawa.
Gumuhit ang ngiti sa labi ko.
I didn't consider Sandra my best friend, but she's been a good friend of mine since the day that she accidentally saw me.
I didn't consider her my best friend because I only have one...
I couldn't forget how our paths crossed. Ang pamilya n'ya ang tumulong saakin. Siya iyong nakakitang nawala ako ng malay. Sila ang nagpakain at nagpagamot saakin ng mahigit dalawang taon na walang hinihinging kapalit.
"Hoy kumain ka na raw!" I heard a feminine voice shout.
Sandali akong naalimpungatan sa boses na iyon matapos ang isa na namang bangungot mula sa nakaraan ko. Namamawis na nag-angat ako ng tingin ng tuluyang luminaw ang mga mata ko.
