JUST IN TIME (Author's Reco)

HIGH HOPES

LISA

"Does it hurt so bad?"Kai asked me the question with an obvious answer.

Looking at Jennie from afar, giving her yes to Edward made my world crush into pieces.

"Why don't you open up your heart to someone else? Lisa, you're undeniably hot and great looking! For sure you can get a girlfriend in a snap!"Kai told me as he released his breath.

"You know I can't. Can't even come out to the world as an intersex. So why would I go on a date?"I said while we're still at the bench looking at my best friend serenaded by her boyfriend.

"Lisa, you don't have to come out to the world. You don't owe people. You just have to you know, find your match and be comfortable with her. If she accepts you then that's it."He said. He's right.

"How did you come out?"I asked him back. Still his words kept crossing my mind.

"I did not. I'm already like this since I was a kid. Then when we reached high school, I realized that I really like guys. My parents already knew before I told them.Lisa, it's all beyond your control. Don't ever come out if you're not ready okay? Don't pressure yourself. The timing is in your hands. Okay?"He comforted me with his words.
But still, here I am hurting.

I went home and there's a party going on. Headed to my room and dropped my body on bed. My phone has been ringing since I left school but I was not in the mood to open it.

The proposal Edward did to Jennie kept running in my mind. I saw how happy Jennie was and I think I should accept it. A lot of things are actually coming inside my head right now. My family knows that I'm an intersex. Automatically, they are aware that I will never be with a guy. They actually know I have feelings for Jennie.

There's something inside me that I want to do for a long time.

Simple as to cut my hair short. Move the way I wanted, what I really am. And why don't I try to date girls? Damn it! How can you date when you don't have enough money? Stupid. Cross that out.

I took my scissors and sat in front of my mirror.  It took a lot of courage for me to do the first cut of my long hair. And I did.

And I saw how handsome my face is with my boy cut. Then I heard my knob has been twisted. I can see her in the mirror-- the loveliest girl in my world. My Jennie Kim. Jennie who has been the love of my life since we're in fourth grade. And I'm the only one who knows she's mine.

"Lisa! What happened? Why did you just cut your hair this short?"She was shocked as she approached me.

"To change my life? Oh no. I meant to-- to face my life, Jennie."I smiled at her and she's curious.

"Why are you here upstairs? Won't you like to celebrate your company's success. I'm sure your father is looking for you right now. Mom and Dad would like to see you too downstairs."She said and sat on my bed. I'm still trimming my hair. I smirked on what she said.

"My Dad looking for me? No, Jennie. For sure he wanted it this way. Me being locked up here in my room so no one will see her trash child."I said and laughed. She looked down.

"Anyway, congratulations! I have heard you and Edward are officially dating now? Just in time for prom huh?"I said.

"Yeah. I-- I realized I am happy with him."She said.

"I'm happy for you." I said. I am not happy. But I should be.

"I'll stay here with you until my parents would call me for us to go home."She said.