JUST IN TIME (Author's Reco)

BLUE NOTE

LISA

There's something gripping my feet so tight as I run in an open road-- a dark road on a twilight with tall trees.
Something's coming over me.
I couldn't see what it is. I could not even hear anything.
I just run and run, hoping I'll reach the end of the road. But it seems endless.
I keep running. Until I found myself falling on a cliff. How come? It wasn't there. I'm about to drop myself on the ground.

           
I woke up. Woke up catching my breath. God. I'm sweating. I couldn't fully open my eyes since the sun is hit my sight. I looked at the wall clock on the left and it's 7am. I touched the sheets to feel Jennie's warm skin. We had a misunderstanding last night but we ended up making love.

           
I opened my eyes but Jennie's not beside me. She's probably in the kitchen right now. I got up and checked Rion on his crib. What a good morning seeing my son smiling at me. I took him and we went out of the room.

           
Our living area looks peaceful and quiet. Usually Jennie plays a swing music early in the morning or a mixtape of Beatles songs that she's singing along while she cooks. Why is my heart thumping so fast? I suddenly felt nervous.

"Mommy? Good morning! Rion wants a kiss from you."I said as I took few envelop of bills from the table and checked it one by one.

           
Jennie is not responding. The kitchen is so quiet too. I checked it myself while still carrying Ri in my arms but I found no Jennie in the kitchen. Maybe she went out of the house and bought something. But I got our groceries just two days ago. Nothing shold be lacking from our supplies.

           
I went inside the room with my son to get his crib and my phone so I can call Jennie and know where she is. I noticed a blue note beside my phone. My chest is starting to become tight. My breath is becoming short.

"I am sorry Lisa. I can't go on. I am really sorry."I suddenly felt the pain inside my chest but my flesh is becoming numb.

           
I laid Rion on his crib. My butt fell on the side of the bed. I look lost. Dumfounded. Just staring at the window for long minutes. Blank. Motionless. Is this it? Is this the day I have been so afraid of coming?

           
I took my phone and called my boss that I won't be able to come to work for three days. He was convincing me to come to work but I told him that I have to take care of my son.

           
I started to type a message for Jennie but my fingers were too weak. I dialed her number instead. It's ringing. But after a few attempts, she turned it off. I just left a message.

L: Babe, where are you? I am worried now. Please tell me where you are. Are you okay?

           
After an hour of just staring blankly at nowhere, I came back to my senses when my son cried. Still, no reply from Jennie.

           
Noon time came and she is still not responding to my calls and messages. I opened my Facebook messenger and created a group chat with Rosé, Jisoo, and Kai.

L: Guys, how are you? I am sorry but can I ask for a little favor?

           
Hope they will answer my message right away. It's eight in the evening in Korea by this time and morning in the US. Hope they're awake.

           
After a few minutes, Kai and Rosé replied.

K: Hi, Lis! What's up? Anything for you.

R: Hello! How's your accent?

L: I'm not fine. I woke up without Jennie beside me for the first time. I mean, she's not in the house. Usually, she tells me if she'll be out to buy something.But this is what I got earlier.

           
I sent them a photo of Jennie's note. Then we all decided to do a group video call.

R: Oh. Wait. That's the only thing she said? Wait a sec, I'll go to Jisoo in our room.

           
Jisoo joined us.

J: Hi Lis! Jennie and I haven't talk recently. Maybe she just strolled around? Well, she told me she's been tired of all the house chores last week. And I told her that it's normal when she started a family.

L: I have been telling her since we came here that we should get a helper but she didn't want to have as having one might not meet our budget.You know I never argued with her and all I do is agree. So I thought it's okay with her.

K: Your son is crying. He might be hungry.

           
They waited for me to finish preparing milk for Rion and we continued after I held my son in my arms as I feed him.

L: Guys, Jennie and I have been not meeting halfway lately. She was actually cold towards me for the past few months.She was thinking of going back to Korea but I asked her for another year for us to stay here.Can you please tell me when you get any information about her?

           
My voice was so low and weak.

           
When the video call ended, my tears started to fall from my eyes. I remember how I begged for her for the past few nights just for her to agree for another year to stay here that I'm asking. I even kneeled and convinced her.

           
This is not to trap her here but to give me a chance to prove to her that we can do this. That I can be a good provider for them. That I can give her the life she deserves and love her with all of me.

           
But she left me. She still went away.

           
Another day passed and I am starting to lose my mind. God. I have been crying the whole time. Hoping for her to answer my calls and texts. But I got nothing.

           
A week passed and I already needed to go back to work. Three days of leave extended to seven because I had a hard time looking for a nanny for Rion. God. I don't want to lose my job in a snap. I need to feed and raise him.

           
Stress at work are joining my personal life struggles. Problems here and there. Jennie's every thing I think of.

Yes, she's in Korea. She went back home. Jisoo told me two days ago. They haven't met yet but their parents told her that her sister is back. I was also informed that Jennie hasn't told her parents yet that she has a child with me.

           
I talked to Mr. Ricci if I can take a whole month leave. I told him honestly what's happening to my life now. He's very understanding and he allowed me starting next week.

           
I immediately booked a flight for Rion and I to Korea. I will convince Jennie to come back with me here in London. I will try my best. I love her and I can only see my future with her. But will she agree? Maybe if I talk to her she will. I will let her feel more that I love her so much then maybe she'll be convinced. I am still hopeful.

           
Even how painful I am feeling right now, I must believe that we'll be a family again. I will prove to Jennie that I can be the partner she deserves until we grow old.

The pain in my heart and in my head is too weighty but I just thought of positive things.
I love her. I can't just let this family be separated just like that. I love Jennie so much!

           
I am coming home and I am fighting for us, Jen.