JUST IN TIME (Author's Reco)

DEAR JENNIE

JENNIE

#37

Jennie,

            My voice is not really effective. So maybe my handwriting is for me to have a chance with you now. Kidding!

            I just want to greet you a happy happy birthday, beautiful soul!You just don't know how lucky I am that I have you in my life, Jen.No words can ever be written and used just to let you know how much you mean to me.Because all I can do is express through my actions towards you.

            Jen, having you in my life for nine years now is something that I really treasure the most. You know why? Because I think one of the reasons you were born is to bring shine in this world. To be the light in every darkness this strange world has. That's how most people see you.But for me, Jen, you're more than that. More than the sun or stars.
We're both this half elements that when combined can make a beautiful whole-- a wonderful world.Maybe I just believe that alone.

            What I'm trying to say is, we may not be perfect, but I am confident that as long as we have you and me, we will whirl as one, that whatever life throws at us, we can deal with it-- unbreakable.

            Sorry. I know this is such a boring letter. Hahaha!

            I'd like to greet myself too a happy birthday.You know my life was never like anyone else's. Well, we have our own unique lives. I already accepted the fact that mine is too dark.But you know, the moment I first saw you, it was like the day I never thought I could shed some light too.  Slowly but surely.I mean, I discovered a lot about myself.
That I can do something for someone so special and not just for myself, Jen.

            You made me learn how to give love that I never thought I have in me for someone that is valuable to me. And it's you Jennie.

            I know you're already sick of the fact that I am in love with you.I am sorry if this love is pressuring you to do something you're not really willing to do.But I hope I am making you happy because that's all I want.

            No pressure, Jen. I am willing to wait.I am hoping that there will be a day that you'll love me more than just a friend too.Jennie, I am sorry if I am so in love with you.
I just can't stop.Because falling in love with you everyday is the most beautiful feeling I have ever felt. But if you're really getting sick of my romantic gestures, just please let me know if I should stop.

            All I want for you is to be happy.And if I'm not helping you, I am very much willing to sacrifice whatever it is just for you to feel safe and calm.But if you think I still have a chance to show you more how much I love you, please tell me too.I promise, I'll show you everyday how much you mean to me.

P.S.
The owner of your favorite chocolate cake shop in Seoul would like to greet you a happy birthday too! She was so happy knowing that we're both doing great in school.I hope you also like these red roses. The florist told me it's from Prague.

I love you Jennie. I love you everyday.

Always been yours,
Lisa

Romantic Lisa. So romantic that made me so nervous right now while reading her letter. A good kind of being nervous.

What did just happen last night? What came to my fucking mind that I brought a new suitor here at our place not thinking that Lisa might be coming home anytime. And to think it's our birthday and there was never a special day of us that she didn't surprise me.

I found this letter in her pants' pocket. It's the letter I saw she was supposed to give me last night. The moment I saw Lisa's tear fell from her eyes yesterday, it really crushed my heart. I did hurt her. I searched for her but she's nowhere to be found. Her phone was off. I really got worried. I didn't stop looking for her. Even Rosé and Jisoo helped me when they got back from the medical mission and I found out from them that Lisa did not come to the mission but went to Seoul to get my favorite cake.

Kai was also worried so he tried his very best and he succeeded. He informed us right away that after he searched for connections, his friend Russel who owns a bar here in Busan confirmed that Lisa was at their place and got so drunk and she's at the parking lot sleeping. Jisoo and Rosé immediately met me there and I found Lisa so wasted on the driver's seat. We were assisted by the bouncers and waiters and I was told she drank too much that they couldn't control her intake anymore. Thank you so much, Kai!

I wiped her whole body when we arrived at our apartment and changed her clothes so she can sleep comfortably. She was unconscious. I actually haven't slept properly because I monitored her as she's having a hard time breathing last night.

And yes, I found this letter.

I should make it up to you, Lisa. She doesn't deserve this treatment I have been giving her ever since. After reading the letter and found myself crying, I prepared a healthy soup for her in the kitchen and took out some medicines because for sure she's going to feel some body pains as soon as she opens her eyes. I brought it in her room and she coldly accepted it. She didn't talk to me. Did not even look at me. I can't force her.

I cooked her food for lunch and promised her that we'll have dinner together.
I need to go now for I have a class at one on the afternoon. For sure she can't come with me to school as she needs to let the alcohol vanish from her system first. I kissed her lips as I said goodbye but she's still cold to me.

J: Lis, how are you?

J: I hope you are feeling better now.

J: Anything youwant to eat tonight? Cravings? Let me know so I can pass by the grocery store if we don't have from our supply.

J: Lisa, please reply. I am so worried. How are you now?

J: Babe,please. Let me know how you are doing.I am sorry Lisa. 😭

J: Can we go on a date tonight instead? I also believe your favorite director is showing his new film in the cinema tonight. Excited for another Wes Anderson film? I know you are!

I have been flooding her with messages but she is not responding. What do you expect, Jennie? She's hurting. God. I don't feel good. I am so worried. I actually want to ditch my last subject and just be with her now.

I rushed home after my class. Her car's not at the garage. My chest is punching my guilt so bad when I saw our rack without all her shoes in it. I went to her room and didn't find any of her clothes left inside the cabinet.

Called her. Texted her. Asked help from Jisoo and Rosé. I even called Jackson and Kingston. They don't know where Lisa is. We all looked for her in our own different ways.

And after an hour, I got Jackson's message that made me drop my weak body down the floor and my eyes swell because of tears that I couldn't hold back anymore.

Jackson: She's fine, Jen. Just don't look for her right now. Both of you need some space.Please take care of yourself okay? She wants me to tell you that please do not worry about her.