Chapter 66
1, 203 unread messages.
406 missed calls.
All from an unregistered international number.
1, 348 unopened e-mails. A million memories.
All of these have become too painful to think about. It has been what? Five or six months? I’ve already lost count of the time, but I haven’t gotten used to the loneliness just yet.
There are times when I would look at my phone and cry like an idiot. Those memories which used to paint my face a smile have now become the reason why there were tears in my eyes.
Beneath my heart are nostalgias I couldn’t let go; longings I can’t set myself free with, and feelings I love and hate to hold back at the same time.
I’ve tried to deny it, though. But my heart knows no pretension. It couldn’t recognize the lies, that is why I always end up succumbing the pain on my own. I had no one to share the hurting with. I found myself puzzled with the shattered pieces of my life, and I couldn’t put them back to their original picture.
I guess it wouldn’t ever be whole again because a part of me had gone missing.
Umiling ako at suminghap. Hinawakan ko ang maleta ko at pilit na ginuyod ang sarili palabas ng kwarto. Naninikip ang aking dibdib habang yakap ko ang penguin stuff toy na dadalhin ko papunta sa Seoul. I have a flight to catch in the afternoon, but I’m still here.
I wanted to move, but everytime I take a step forward, my vision keeps on purling. I keep on losing my senses whenever I try to move a little farther. Perks of having a hectic schedule, those sleepless nights and the pressure of having to meet a lot of deadlines, I guess. I haven’t gotten any proper sleep yet. That’s why I decided to take a leave. I need to see my parents. I need a breather. I need to get out and find some serenity.
Away. Away from everything that’s reminding me of him.
Nang makalabas ako sa aking kuwarto, nagpunta ako sa kusina at uminom ng gamot. Pakiramdam ko kasi ay lalagnatin ako.
Nag-text na ako kay Mitch na pwede niya na akong sunduin. Nag-offer kasi siya na ihahatid niya daw ako sa airport. I was a bit scared, honestly. She just got her driver’s license last week. But I had no choice. I don’t wanna trouble Nick and the other boys. Plus, I’m still guilty. I haven’t talked properly to them, except with Nick.
Habang hinihintay ko siya, humiga muna ako sa sofa at pumikit sandali.
Naalimpungatan ako nang tumunog ang door bell. Pinagmasdan ko ang wall clock at napansin ko na kalahating oras na din pala ang lumipas. Mabuti na lamang at nagising pa ako.
I was really startled that’s why I ended up running towards the door. I thought it was Mitch. But a guy in his white shirt and blue jeans welcomed me.
“Kayo po ba si Miss Jillian Hontiveros?” he asked, half-smiling. Maybe he’s contemplating with the way he’s going to approach me.
“Opo,” I answered awkwardly.
“Pa-sign na lang, Ma’am,” aniya. May inabot siyang envelope sa akin. Matagal ko itong tinitigan bago ko pinirmahan ang receiving copy niya.
“Thank you,” I almost gasp for my breath when I told him that. I slowly closed the door and locked it.
I sat at the sofa and opened the envelope.
My eyes became a waterfall the moment I read the heading.
