Chapter 61
If it had been the Jillian I used to know before, she would hide on her self-made bubble and wallow over her wretched situation. She would cry and spend her whole day staring at the stupid obscurity. But, come on, everything changes. Life is different now. We always move on. The world won't stop turning just because we're hurt. I know that.
So, instead of swelling my eyes overnight, I did something productive. I researched about South Cotabato. Nanunuod ako sa YouTube at sa iba't ibang video blogs ng tungkol sa partikular na lugar na iyon. But yes, I was crying while doing it. And was succumbing the pain of my wounds. I'm a multi-tasker for that, huh.
I needed to breathe, that's why I stood up and prepared myself some midnight snack. Binuksan ko ang refrigerator at nakita ko ang cute kong churros na nanahimik sa gilid. Linabas ko ito kasama ang dip. Sinaksak ko ang microwave oven at pinainit ang mga ito. Hindi ko alam kung anong ka-weirduhan ang pumasok sa isip ko at ginawa ko 'yun. Kulang siguro sa tulog. Pero hayaan na. Tumunog ito at linabas ko na. Nagtimpla din ako ng gatas para mahimasmasan kahit papaano ang antok ko. Of course, no matter how sleepy I am, I won't go for the espresso coffee which Ran gave me. I don't want to be awake for the whole day.
While I was eating and typing my draft for the said feature, I suddenly remembered that I was going to deactivate my SNS accounts. Honestly, I was tempted to browse some more. For the last look, I guess? I'm no fan of the online world, anyway. It wouldn't hurt that much. It's just that . . .
Kapag nag-deactivate ka, hindi mo na makikita selfie ni Aicelle. Bahala ka. Wala na tayong lalaitin L
It was Mitch. Silly kid. Nick must have told her about my plan. I don't mind. After all, they are my friends.
You can show me, tho. Plus, we can always do it live. Kilala mo naman ako, hindi ako mahilig mang-backstab. Gusto ko harap-harapan. :D
Nakakasigla ba ang gatas? Pakiramdam ko kasi ay nakahugot ako ng kaunting enerhiya mula sa kinain ko. I wish it could supply me for the rest of my life.
Wala ng free information. No spazzing's gonna happen now. You have to register at The Hustler Club. May bayad 'yun. Hindi ka na makakapag-stalk kina Alex ng internet connection lang kailangan. Ikaw din.
Geez. She really knows my struggle. That's exactly the point. It's hard to give up on these accounts since they are my only way to get through my boys' life.
I sent her a smiley emoticon. She didn't reply afterwards. She knows what that means. When I was about to finally deactivate my account, I saw that Cyrus was online. My heart panicked. It's as though the fireworks in my chest have malfunctioned. I even had touch my hand to grab a hold of myself. I succeeded, though. Next was twitter. Then, my Instagram account.
Ininom ko ang lumamig ng gatas. Pumikit ako at pilit na ngumiti. Maybe it's time to own up my decisions, right? Maybe contemplating whether it's wrong or right is pretty much unnecessary now.
I suddenly recalled my World Literature Professor's mantra. Crede quod habes, et habes. Latin. Otherwise known in English as, 'Believe that you have it, and you do it.' I am fully convinced that I have the guts, if so, then, surely, I can manage this one. Fake it 'til you make it, ring a bell?
Nang matapos ko na ang draft ko para sa SC, March issue, binuksan ko ang aking e-mail para ma-save doon. I always back up my documents. To be safe, you know. And while I was browsing my inbox, a message from Aicelle caught my attention. So, basically, the message was to create a short-story, or poem, or an entry for the month of February. And what's worse? It's about love. Oh, great. Nice timing, right?
