Author's Note:
This is a special chapter of Have You Seen This Girl.
For the people na followers/readers ko na by April 27, 2016 at hindi pa tapos ang HYSTG, you guys are, for the lack of better term, lucky, because you didn't have to wait. (Sayang. Sad. HAHAH)
Because for those who have read this story when I finished it last September 2015, they had to wait almost 6 months. HAHAHAH.
Anyway . . . here's the special chapter for you, guys. Typo errors everywhere. My apologies.
Jillian's POV
"Mitch, I'm back," I said through the phone. There's a smile drawn on my face when I uttered those words.
"Althea!" sigaw niya. Linayo kong agad ang cellphone sa tainga ko. She's still nosy. For whoever's sake, she already has two kids and she still screeches like she's 12. God, forgive this person.
"I know. Na-miss mo ako, but please, give me some slack." I rolled my eyes. But when I thought about her face while I was leaving, it tore my heart, and there, I stood quiet.
Pumikit ako saglit at dinama ang ingay ng airport. No one fetch me. It's because I chose not to be picked up. I want to be alone. I guess I'm not yet done craving for loneliness.
"A-are you crying?" I asked when I heard someone sobbing. It was out of nowhere.
"Walong taon ka kayang hindi nagpakita! I have the right to cry my eyeballs out, you insensitive person!" And there were sobs in between her words.
"I'm sorry," mahina kong usal. I'm sorry that I wasn't brave enough to face my demons. I'm sorry that I've been scared. I'm sorry that I'm still hurting. I'm sorry that I couldn't stand being in this place when everything it does it just hurt me deeper and deeper. I'm sorry that I could still feel his ghost all over me. I'm sorry that I'm not yet done hurting. "Anyway, I'll take some rest. See you soon," I told her.
"Where are you staying? I'll pick you up. Date later?" she asked.
"I'm sorry, I don't date," I joked.
"You've been so used in telling that to every guy you met back there, I see," she said. Natahimik ako. It's true. I never dated anyone for eight years because everytime I look at someone, I see him. I see him in my dream, when I wake up, when I go to work . . . I see him everywhere. He's haunting me. For eight years, I hoped that I would forget his face, his voice . . . his presence, but I failed. My heart failed me. Maybe that's just my curse. Maybe I never really stopped loving him. Maybe it's stupid to hope for my salvation. And so, I stopped hoping.
I lost the faith I invested on myself. I lost my heart when I lost him. It hasn't come back yet. I guess, it wouldn't ever.
"I really need to go," mahina kong banggit. I don't know if it's because of what she said or because of the travel. I hang up on her and put my phone back to my pocket. I'm carrying a luggage and a shoulder bag. I don't need help. Kaunti lang naman ang dinala kong damit dahil saglit lang ako dito. Hindi ako magtatagal. Hindi ko kayang magtagal sa lugar na ito. This place is so small for us. I don't want to gamble the chance of meeting him, because if we do, I swear, I'll die in pain. I'm not yet ready to see him. Everything is still fresh, like it only happened yesterday. And I still cry myself at night, begging God to remove him in my heart. But I still wake up each morning, feeling him on my skin, in my soul, in my thoughts . . . and in the crevices of my heart.
And it makes me sad. Because I believe that it's sad to think about someone when you know they're no longer thinking about you. But probably, nothing is more painful than to still love the person who's already done loving you.
