Freedom: Levi Fanfiction

|| Garden

57

        "Major..." Mikasa stared at me with her dazed jet-black eyes after I had knocked on her dorm room twice. It was eleven in the morning, an unusual time for the young woman to awaken. Normally she'd be down by the barracks to train or speak with her friends yet Mikasa looked like she had just woken up from a rather long slumber. 

The black haired lady fixed her posture and changed her expression in an instant. I had been looking for my little brother for half an hour but Eren was nowhere to be found. He wasn't in his room, neither was he in Armin's. 

I smiled slightly at her, showing a little kindness. "It's unusual for you to wake up this late," I said. Mikasa awkwardly chuckled at my comment before letting out a silent sigh.  

        "I've been awake since nine, actually. Just that... the headquarters feels silent and empty. It feels odd." Mikasa furrowed her brows in a slight curve. With only ten people residing in our headquarters, the hallways and barracks resembled an abandoned place. 

I crossed my arms and swallowed the bitter feeling of emptiness. It was hard to function as if almost all of the scout regiment weren't wiped out. And it was even harder to understand that there were only ten of us left. 

         "Hange and the Queen had agreed to moving us into a smaller, discreet place sooner or later."

Mikasa acknowledged my reply and smiled, albeit bitterly. "If you're looking for Eren. He's somewhere in the garden. If you actually cared more about him, you would've known that's where he's been spending all his time lately." The young lady turned away and shut the door in front of my face, blowing a few strands of my hair away. 

         The garden that Mikasa spoke of was behind the headquarters. I never really took the time to visit, nor do I remember taking interest in it. But I do know that the garden seemed like a glimpse of what peace could be. Maybe that's why Eren has been spending his time in that small space. 

The sounds of grass embracing my footsteps as I walked toward the garden were all I could hear. As I neared a small metal gate, I started to see an assortment of plants. There were reds and blues, oranges and yellows of all kinds of pretty flowers. They were arranged in a way that the same breed were in one flower bed. The smell reminded me of the old flower shop Carla and I used to visit. Mother loved plants, red Tiger Lillies in particular. 

          This place, this scent and this aura reminded me of that woman, bringing a small smile to my face. Distracted by the beautiful sight, I traced the off-entered path with my steps. Medium-sized trees populated the middle of the area, making me realize that the garden was much bigger than I thought. Upon reaching the end of the path, butterflies joyfully flapped their wings throughout the space. 

There, I saw my little brother sitting on a white bench with his eyes closed. He slowly opened them as after hearing my footsteps yet looked unsurprised of my visit. The young man lowered his gaze, sitting properly as I walked toward him. 

         "I've been looking for you," I greeted before taking a spot beside him. He acknowledged my comment with the slightest of smile and avoided my gaze. 

The silence in between us almost drove me to anxiety. In my mind, I was running a list of things to talk about or ask him but it felt too... confusing. 

          "Eren... I know a lot has happened this year. And I'm sorry for not being there for you when you needed it most," I told him in a gentle voice. In an attempt to be comforting, I took my little brother's hand and he watched me as I did so. 

The emerald in his eyes turned bitter. What happened to him? "I don't know," he spoke flatly. We both looked at each other.

           "I feel like... I feel I'm being punished. Like it's some sort of sick, twisted game." Eren retrieved his hand and let out an overwhelmed sigh, his voice began to sound brittle. I bit the inside of my lip in an attempt to hold back my tears. All I could do was avoid his pained gaze. 

           "Eren..."

He was tightening his jaw while lowering his head. The young man found it hard to speak. "I used to think that If I'd kill every single titan, we'd be free." After holding back, a droplet of tear stained his cheek. Eren looked at me again, this time with despair.

I fiddled with my thumb as I thought of a reply, and when I caught myself smiling bitterly, I avoided his eyes. "I told myself that If I killed every one of them, I'd get my parents back. But it's all bullshit. I couldn't have them back. I couldn't talk to them again. I couldn't tell them I missed them. I was fighting a never-ending loop of guilt and—and betrayal. In the end, I found out that I had been killing humans all along. That those Titans weren't enemies after all." 

He shook his head in disgust, placing his palms in front of his face. "A-And Armin told me about your lifespan." He let out a short chuckle in disbelief. 

            "It's just... I don't know how to deal with it, Eren. I don't know how you deal with it. You're the strongest person I know. You're the hero of this—messed up, twisted story."

He shook his head immediately. "I can't. I'm not a hero," he countered. "I tried to be the hero and look where we are. Your friends are dead. The commander is dead. I—I'm not special or anything. So... why do I have to be the hero? I only took what my dad had. It was supposed to be him." He took a brief pause, re-thinking his responses in his head. 

           "But even he was fucked up. He was fucked up enough to kill a whole family." My eyes gravitated toward the flowers in front of us. Some flowers were noticeably wilting, most of them were red Tiger Lillies. 

I shrugged and smiled sarcastically. "... All for the sake of freedom."

When Eren suddenly stood up, there was a sudden feeling or urgency in me—like I had to ask him the questions I needed to be answered. "Eight years... Eren, what are you going to do with eight years?" 

The young man spoke while refusing to look in my eyes. "I don't know. But I'm not gonna let them get away with what they've done," he replied vaguely. I finally met his emerald eyes when he turned his head just enough so he could see me through his peripherals. 

           "Major, what is it that you want to achieve in life?" He asked suddenly and I was almost at a lost for words. Eren tilted his head and smiled. "Get married and have kids?" 

I looked away in shame and nodded. The young man fully turned around and furrowed his brows sadly. "I see..." After an oddly long pause, Eren looked left and began to walk away. 

            "I'm not done talking. Eren!" 

           "I know—but I am. If I were you, I would get the first one done." 

Get the first one done. Marriage? I laughed at my thought. I'm sure as hell Levi wouldn't be a fond of that idea. It's weird, here I am thinking about eloping yet I don't even know the deepest details of his life. Get married, have kids, grow old together... It seems as if those simple things were unattainable. Do I even get the chance to a peaceful life?