Jealousy

Part 3

Little did I know I was followed - by Forth. It was entirely my own fault. I was so lost in my own thoughts, I simply didn't pay any attention to my surroundings. I walked to the first noodle stall that I saw and sat down, calling for a mild bowl of meat ball noodles. I ate it mechanically.

Forth didn't even try to hide from me. If only, if only.... I could have prevented what happened after but if wishes were fishes, the oceans would still be full of extinct species!

After eating, I walked to the nearest 7-11 and grabbed enough beer to drown my thoughts and sleep throughout the night. I rarely used alcohol to do that anymore. I did in the beginning so much Pha and Kit thought I had become a drunk. Tonight, I knew I needed the oblivion it would give me.

I flagged down a taxi and went home. I stripped and showered and changed only into a pair of loose board shorts and flopped onto the couch, putting on an old movie. Cracking open the first beer, I downed it fast. 15 minutes into the movie, there were three empty cans on the low table in front of me.

I could feel the start of my emotional overload hitting when the knock on the door came. I took a deep breath and swore. Which one of my fucking friends was it? Phana? Kit? I was going to fucking rip them a new one...

Opening the door, prepared to swear, I stopped short at the sight of Forth, holding another bag of beer and snacks. He wasn't smiling. He just stood there. "Invite me in, we need to talk."

"No." Even in my slightly boozy haze, I had to stay strong. This was my weakness in front of me. If he touched me, I'd fuck him in a heartbeat. He looked so damn good! He'd cut his long hair, it was shorter, still black and thick. He had thinned, and had even more muscles than before.

His skin was tanned, with tattoos peaking out from the top of his shirt which wasn't buttoned all the way up. Why the fuck was I even noticing? Because you're horny... you stupid fucking idiot! Be honest with yourself...

He pushed me gently aside and he came in. I started to protest and he just raised his eyebrow. He walked over to my beer chest by the couch (I'm too lazy to get up all the time for a cold one) and added the new beer. As if he'd never left, he made himself at home.

My temper began to boil. "Please, make yourself comfortable. I need to change."

Forth eyed me up and down. "Not on my account. You look fine, Beam. Damn fine." His eyes lingered on my chest and abdomen a bit too long, making me feel lightheaded, in a way I haven't for a very long time.

"Nooo, I think I need a shirt." It took all my strength NOT to run to my bedroom and grab a t-shirt. I didn't realize what was written on the shirt until I came back out and Forth started laughing. It was an old, old one, so well washed it was soft and comfortable. My mother brought it back from Ireland many years ago. The front said, Please kiss me and the back said I'm Irish.

"I'd love too, but I think you'd punch me. With those muscles you have now, it would hurt."

"Damn straight," I said, but that fucker knew I wouldn't stop thinking about kissing him. "Get to business, Forth. What is so fucking important that you forced your way into my condo?"

"We have unsettled business between us, Beamie." Forth cracked open his own can of been and sighed. "My jealousy and your lies." He looked up at me and sighed. "Don't you think it's time we talked it out like adults instead of horny teens?"

"How was being 22 years old teenagers, Forth? You were graduating, for fuck's sake. I only had 2 more years of schooling. I worked my ass off, to complete my studies that fast. Did you care? Hell no." I grabbed another can of beer and drank it fast, not wanting to think of those days.

"I didn't know anything back then, Beam. I was jealous of everything that kept you away from me, even school. I still think that Phana wants you but won't tell you." Forth rolled the empty can between the palm of his hands and then crushed it. It hit the table and he grabbed another one.

Sighing, I knew it was my turn but it wasn't MY secret to share. Yet, if I didn't, he would always believe Pha and I had a thing. "Do you know what asexual is?"

"Asexual? What the fuck is that?" Forth jumped as beer sprayed out the top of the can. I repressed a smirk because he found the can I use to keep myself honest. Well, that's the way I think of it. By doing that, it's my signal to stop drinking for the evening.

"The definition of asexual is not involving sexual activity, feelings, or associations, meaning that person is literally nonsexual. Do you remember Phana was dating Wayo for the longest time and then they broke up well before we did?"

"Yeah..." Forth drew out the word as he tried to wrap his head around the fact that there were people who didn't enjoy sex. Then it hit him. "What the fuck? Are you trying to say that Phana is this asexual crap?"

"It's not crap. He can be in relationships, he just has little or no sexual interest. It makes finding the correct partner very difficult. It's also not my sexuality so what right do I have to discuss with you? You simply wouldn't listen to me at the time. Phana was and always will be just my good friend. Nothing more or less."

I met his eyes. Those beautiful black eyes that used to hold me spellbound for hours. Now I want to cry. I haven't had enough beer to do this. I really haven't. My doc better be right, that after meeting Forth I can move on. I grab a new can and pop the top. Taking a long drink, "I never lied to you, Forth. Not once. If you count not telling you other people's secrets, lies, that's your problem."

I'm restless. I can't sit beside him. I only have the couch and Forth takes up the whole thing. Well, he doesn't but anywhere on it is too close. I settle for the floor. I look at my bare feet. "I also never cheated on you. I was so satisfied with our sex life. I was exhausted by my studies, but energized by sex with you. How could I cheat?"

I'm so lost in my own thoughts, I missed how silently Forth can move when he chooses. He's on his knees in front of me now. "Beamie, please, please, forgive me. I AM so sorry. Sorry for all the pain and hurt I've caused with my jealousy."