Jealousy

Part 41

Beam

I smile at the small man. He's fussing over the cummerbund. "Beam, you wore a tuxedo before. Is it really supposed to look like this? It makes me look fat!" The whine is pure Kit. I want to dissolve into giggles. Pha slaps his hands off the material and gives him his DADDY look.

"Kit, I swear, if you touch this one more time, I will..." he pauses and then smiles triumphantly! "I will kiss you!" Kit's hands drop immediately.

"You wouldn't." They are facing each other and bickering. Both are wearing matching tuxedo's, Kit's in snow white, Pha's in off white as his groomsman. He looks stunning. Pha has a pale blue cummerbund and lapels. Kit doesn't.

I am happy I wore my black suit. I didn't want to have any connection to the wedding party. They insisted I had to be here, while they got ready. I am glad I came. I missed this. Just us three. They don't comment on how quiet I am for which I am grateful. I walk over and smile gently.

"Kit, you look handsome. Perfect." I look at my watch. "It's time. Bennie should be waiting for you." I give him a final hug and smile at Phana. I leave the antechamber and head to the hall. I slip into my chair and wait.

Bennie sees me and nods. He looks good in his matching tux. With his size, you never really notice many of his other features, but today, you do see how handsome he is. He has this long, light brown hair, tied back, highlighting a high forehead not seen often among us. His nose is high and must have been broken once or maybe even twice. It's crooked.

I hold back laughter. Why did I never notice that before? He's puffy around the eyes and hands... I start to observe him clinically. He's not well. I wonder if Kit knows. I am positive Phana knows he's on a steroid drug. The signs are too obvious. No wonder he's battling constant weight gain.

I shrug. It's their love, not mine. They are willing to be together. They want to be together. Nothing will keep them apart. A hand taps my should and I jump.

"Hello, Beam." I put my hand on my chest and breath. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, Ming, I'm fine. And you two?" Wayo nods a greeting.

"We're fine. We've often worried and wondered about you. You caused the last great excitement in our lives." He sighs. "How boring it must be..." Then starts to laugh. "You look good, though. Are you with Forth yet?"

Slowly, I shake my head, no. I can't verbalize something I want to happen. It's not me who ran the last time. My heart still twists and aches each time I think of him. Wayo reaches over and pats my knee. I don't know what he's doing, but seriously, he puts his lips right the fuck up to my ear and whispers, "You want him, yes?"

"Why do you care?" I won't answer, you little shit. It's MY private hell.

"I've always admired you, Beam. I told you that." He taps Ming and they shift seats. "Please, let me help you." He grabs my hand. "You told me that you needed to know if Forth could learn to trust you. Let you grow and heal in your own time. Are you finished running now?"

I nod. I am. I want to face him. I want to scream and argue. I want to fight and fuck. I want everything, even if it means we truly can never be together. I nod again.

He pats my hand. "We saw him but he wouldn't even acknowledge us. The prick." I snort with laughter. My jealous man, that's Forth. "He's probably gnawing the inside of his mouth raw, thinking we're doing all sorts of naughty deeds up here, while he's hiding in the back." Ming bursts out laughing.

"Wayo, behave, they're about to start." The music begins and Kit starts the slow and steady walk up to Bennie. Why, he wanted to act like a bride, I have no idea. I never asked. There is Bennie's mother, wiping tears as Kit walks by. Another woman, I don't know who, holds her tightly.

There are more people here than they told me. Its a good thing, too, or I wouldn't have come. I haven't been in a room with a hundred and fifty guests since long before I bolted. I did well during the service. It was half in Thai, and half in French. Only one word for it... Beautiful.

Wayo held my hand and... Ming's. If he hadn't, I would have left just before they left the room as a couple. "You said you were finished running, Beam." He reminded me.

I closed my eyes and leaned back in the decorated chair, knocking the ribbon off to the floor. "Fuck, Wayo, don't remind me."

"Hello, Forth!" What the hell? He's simpering? I crack open an eye to see HIM. There is a look on his face I can't describe. "Wasn't a beautiful wedding! Worth shedding tears over." With our linked hands, Wayo raised it to wipe his pretend tears. Seriously, what ARE you doing?

"Fuck off, you little shit!" Forth reaches down and snatches my hand. "We need to talk."

"We do?" My heart starts to speed up. I don't move. "I don't think so. You left, Forth."

"So did you, Baby, so did you. I've always looked for you." He's glaring at me. "But you, not once did you ever come after me." He tugs at my hand, hard. "We need to talk."

Wayo leans over. "Go. Jealous men punch really hard. I don't want any bruises this way."

I laugh. Forth growls. I stand up and he immediately starts dragging me away. "Where are we going?"

"You'll see." He takes me to the elevator and punches in the floor number, six. Six? Well, we're not going to my room, then. I'm on the 15th floor. It's silent as the bell signals the door opening and he pulls me out and down the hallway. The keycard slides in and out, the door opens and he almost pushes me in.

"I can walk in." I'm out of breath because of how fast we moved. I start to walk further in but he spins me around, trapping me against the door.

"Why are you flirting with everyone, Beam? Do you want me to pay for hurting you?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I am not a flirt. I never was.

"I watch you. I told you, I have always followed you. I always..." His arms drop and he walks away. "Fuck it. I swore I wouldn't do this. I swore... I would leave you be. If you didn't want me, I'd let you go."

I'm confused. So very confused. "I don't understand. Forth," I follow him. He's standing by the window, looking out but not seeing anything. "Forth, what do you mean."

"Go away, Beam. You're free." His fist tangled in the long curtains. "I promised, you see. If you were happy, I'd let you go. So go."

What the fuck am I? Some bird he's captured and healed, ready to fly free? I'm angry. I don't hide any thing, I pull back my arm and give him a good roundhouse punch. He hits the window and slides down, rubbing his jaw.

I stand over him, legs spread wide. "You are STILL a self centered asshole, Forth Jaturapoom! You dragged me here, and then spout nothing but nonsense. Well, fuck you. Fuck you!" Spittle flies from my mouth as I scream at him.