Jealousy

Part 11

Forth

I answer Phana's call with a heavy heart. Beam's running away. It's his typical behavior when he can't handle any situation. He turns off his phone, and bolts. He leaves for a few days or one time, he was gone for two months before Pha and Kit found him, in a cabana on a beach, surrounded by empty bottles.

I was devastated to hear that. I did that to him. Me. No one else. He never used to act that way in a crisis, having a cool head and ability to think his way through any situation.

I ask him where will Beam go and even through the phone I hear the shrug. "Somewhere there's a beach."

Fuck my life. Well, that doesn't narrow it down at all... Thailand is nothing but beautiful beaches. However, I am not deterred. I've waited this long. I have longed for him and now that I have once again tasted his sweetness, I am never giving up.

"Beam Baramee, you can run, you can hide, but I will find you!" I shout into the emptiness of my apartment! I haven't wanted to furnish it. I like the emptiness. It suits the loneliness of my soul. I have a bed, a table and two chairs.

What more do I need? I never have company. On the small dresser next to my bed, is a small framed picture of our first date. Beam smiles happily up at the camera while I stare down at him. The other picture, is of us on my motorcycle.

That picture is my favorite. It is the one where I prove to him it is possible to have sex on a cycle. It still makes me smile. I used to hide them, deep in my suitcase when I traveled. Three years ago, I stopped hiding and just put them on display.

That's when I knew I had no reason to live without Beam. I had only lived for him and I ruined it. It took that asshole Phana to wake me up.

I felt twinges in the leg I broke. It makes me smile. Fine, I really overdid it, the sex... but it felt so good. Five years was a long time to go without but no one made me feel anything. I'd had offer after offer. Women, men and plenty of group offers, all thinking that they could get a bad boy.

I'm not, not really. My tattoos just make them think that.

I have one thing to do yet. I still have to call my parents. When I walked out on Beam, I disappointed them. They loved him dearly. I only called my mom once a year, on her birthday. Essentially, now I really was the black sheep of the family.

With trepidation, I picked up the phone and called home. "Hi Dad, how goes it?"

I heard a click and the dial tone. I clicked off the phone and sighed. I guess I should have expected it. A warmer reception would have been nice, but Dad wasn't that way. My phone rang and I answered it. "Hello."

"You damn idiot! You're not my son! My son wouldn't have stayed away for five fucking years!" Click.

Oh. Dad's in one of THOSE moods. Why did mom insist on still having a stupid land line, and not upgrading to a cellphone like a normal person? Sighing I settle down on my kitchen chair.

It was going to be a long, long conversation with Dad hanging up after every sentence until Mom got a hold of the receiver.

The phone rang again. "What's up, rubber duck?"

"See? You little shit! You don't take anything seriously! Do you know how damn worried we all were? Not a letter, or post card in five years, nothing! Just a mysterious phone call on your mother's birthday to say I'm fine and then poof! Nothing!" Click.

I'm smiling. I missed the angry giant. I'm glad I'm safe in my apartment. If he could get his hands on me, I'm sure my ass would be red. He's definitely not the person I want turning my ass red... damn, Beam has me horny after last weekend.

I answer the phone before it even completes one ring. "Shake a leg, dip-it-doo!" I sing, cheerfully. Oh, it's mom this time.

"Forth Jaturapoom, you stop that right now! Your father is about to burst! Where are you? Are you coming home soon?"

Laughing, I can finally speak. "I'm in Bangkok, Mom. I plan on seeing everyone soon but I have some unfinished business to take care of first."

"Forth, you better stay out of trouble. I don't want to bail you out of jail!"

I'm hurt, really hurt. "Mom, I'm an adult now. Why would I do something like that? No, I'm going after Beam."

"Oh." Her tone changes. "Are you sure that's a good idea, Forth? You hurt him very badly when you left him. I saw him shortly afterwards. He was completely devastated."

Again, someone wrapped their hand around my heart and squeezed all the blood from me. "Yes, mom, I'm sure. I love him. I need to do this." Hesitating, then what the fuck, it's mom. "I royally fucked up, mom. I need to fix it. I have to fix it."

"Okay, Forth. Good luck." Mom hesitates too. "We do love you, Forth." Click.

I needed to hear that someone loved me. Even though Beam's body says love when we fucked, it always responded that way. I still wait to hear him tell me he loves me.

Filial duty out of the way, I'm on the hunt for Beam's hide out. I know he took four days off. I also know he knows that I'm going to look for him. Time to think the way Beam would think...

Would he hide in plain sight, at the busiest beach or try to find the most isolated, yet closest beach to Bangkok? I think he'd do that. Especially since he wouldn't want a scene if I did manage to locate him. I drag out the tattered map of the area and draw a circle.

There! That gave me an area of a 4 hour drive time from Bangkok. Oh my fucking god! This is going to be harder than I thought! If I include campgrounds (like I'm planning) my search increases to over 300 spots!

Stay strong, Forth! I encourage myself, stay strong! You can do this!