Jealousy

Part 35

Concerned and worried, I text Phana.

DocBB: Done but I'm also done. I think you're actually toxic! Leave me the fuck alone now.

BDPha: He wouldn't have listened to me either. Better to hear it from someone you love.

DocBB: If he loved me still... it's over now. You find him and give him comfort. I can't leave.

I'd completely forgotten I didn't want anyone to have my new contact information. During rounds, that shithead Pha must have shared it with Kit. He was bombing my phone. I finally ended up turning it off. 

How can you talk to a patient at his bedside with your phone constantly beeping? Even on vibrate, you can still hear it. And people are KIND and PATIENT, they give you these looks, I mean, come on. Some even say, "Go ahead, doctor, I don't mind. I'm not going anywhere."

But I mind! I want to go home! 

It's late when I leave. Well after 8 p.m. I walked to work, mainly because I need the exercise. I start my walk home. I think about swinging through the market for dinner and decide against it. I am not that hungry. 

Only tired. So very tired. I actually scream when a hand touches my arm, says my name. "Beam?"

Taking several deep breaths, I wait for my heartbeat to drop to normal before opening my eyes. I am going to kill whoever it was that thought it was a good fucking idea to approach me on a lone path in the fucking dark! 

"Beam? Are you okay? I didn't mean to..." Forth. That's fucking Forth's voice!

"You god damn fucking asshole! Are you trying to fucking kill me?" I don't notice my voice rising. He does. I don't know if we both stopped thinking at this point or if the day's events just took over our rational thoughts.

He kissed me. His hand was still on my arm. He just gave a slight tug, I'm in his arms and he fucking kissed me mid sentence! My thoughts all disappeared at the contact. Light, mobile, warm... 

Lips that felt like home. Fuck that, he tastes like home. His hand gently teases my jawline before sweeping into my hair to hold my head still, allowing him to deepen the kiss. Who cares anymore? He wants entry? I part my lips and moan as his tongue sweeps across mine. 

My hands push their way under his t-shirt, feeling those strong back muscles and pull us tight together. I want no space between us. Too much space for too long. No more... 

He groans. "It's too open, Beam. We're too old to fuck in the bushes." 

I laugh, helplessly. I don't fucking care where we are... I only know the desire, need that's built in my body from one kiss. It's been too long. I sweep my hands up and down his back, underneath his t-shirt, delighting in the contact.

"Whatever, Forth, do you really care?" I know he doesn't. He's still fucking hard, just like I am. I grind against him. 

Sighing, he drops his hands and pulls back. "Actually, I do. Take me home, Beam?"

Caught up in the moment, having settled my heart a while ago, I nod. He reached for my hand, holds it and waits. Ah, I'm to take the lead. I start walking. We swing hands like teenagers do... 

It feels happy. Normal. Once I'd crawled out of my misery, My OCD nightmare habits kicked in. The little dwelling shined from yesterday's deep cleaning. It smelled fresh. I smiled as I opened the door.

"You don't lock the doors?" He leans against the inside door frame, taking in the neat little kitchen area. It's bare, I guess, to his eyes, with it's small table and chairs. The only other thing to notice is my bedroom door.

"No, locals don't just enter. Only city folk." I hide my face as I make that statement. He's not exactly from the big city, like me. But he's not rural either. "Want something to drink?"

"No." I feel his arms encircle my waist and his head drops on my shoulder. "I want to see your bed, Beam."

Fuck. There it is. My skin is on fire. My belly has gone all fluttery. What softened on the walk home went ram rod stiff again. I groan. I slowly walk towards the door. His arms don't leave me, instead, he swings me up bridal style, carrying me the last few steps.

"Open the door." I reach down and lift the simple latch. It swings open. Two strides and he carefully lays me down on the giant bed. He's looking at me like I'm something precious, like I am the most important thing in his world.

I tear up, remembering all the other times I saw him look at me like this. They were so long ago. I never thought I would see it again. He wipes my tears away. "Don't cry, Beam. Fuck, I'm always making you cry."

I reach up and grab his face with both my hands and draw him in for a kiss. It's the only way, right now, to show him how much I really do love him. 

I want it to be slow and gentle. I want to make love. I want... too much, I guess. Forth has other ideas. He takes over and triggers the rougher side of our love making. The side full of instant need and gratification.

I feel like a toy being played with. He knows my body so well. He stops at nothing to draw every last drop of pleasure out of me, until I am spent. Until he is spent. We are covered in come, lay gasping for breath and STILL he can't stop touching me. 

He toys with my nipples, the skin on my chest slick with sweat, my soft cock. Presses light kisses over my temples as I use his arm as a pillow. I'm exhausted. Depleted. Drained.

Where is he getting this manic energy from? Or is it the wrong question... Why is he doing this, now?

I put my hand over his, stopping it from roaming and in the stillness, with only the overhead fan whirring, "Talk, Forth. That's what the darkness of the night is for."

He tries to take his hand away. I know running when I see it. I am the master at running. I hold it even tighter. I shake my head. "No running, no lies. We agreed." I am giving him his dignity. I won't look. "Just talk to me."

"Beam, are we good now?" It's quiet. One question full of lots of different meanings. I know how Forth wants it to mean. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Are we back to being a couple?"

"Not exactly." I hedge. "I am not moving back to Bangkok, if that's what you are asking of me."

"Fuck you!" He pulls his arm out from behind my head, sitting up. "Even knowing what I will go through, medically, you won't be there to support me? Fuck you!"