Jealousy

Part 19

Forth

I stare down at Beam who's collapsed after vomiting over me in horror! We've done nothing but talk! What the fuck has he done to himself to end up like this? Is Phana right? Is Beam actually trying to kill himself?

Carefully, gently I leave him on the floor, run for a few towels and rolling one up as a pillow, tuck it under his head. I use another as a blanket. I get out my phone and call Phana.

"Get your ass over here NOW!" I'm loosing it! No, hell, fuck that! I've lost it. Beam is unconscious on the fucking floor! "God damn it, Phana, I did every fucking thing you suggested, so you tell me, why the fuck is Beam passed out on THE FUCKING FLOOR RIGHT NOW?"

"What? Slow down, Forth, speak calmly."

"Fuck that, get here, now. Pool house, NOW!" I hang up, not even considering he may not know where it is and hold Beam's hand.

I don't even think about what I look or smell like, only Beam matters. I check that he's still breathing and he is. I check for a pulse and I can barely find one. I'm so scared... He's pale and small, laying on the floor.

I'm beginning to talk to myself. Well, I'd like to think Beam can hear me, but he's not moving at all. His hands are ice cold and limp. I hold one tightly. "What the fuck are you doing to yourself, Beamie?"

Is time standing still? Where the fuck is Phana? "What good is having your best friend be a doctor if he takes this fucking long to get here?" My voice echo's inside the pool house.

"If you would have stayed on the line and told me where to go, I'd have been here sooner." Phana snaps back. He drops a black bag next to Beam. "Forth, you stink. Go shower while I see what's wrong."

I shake my head. I'm not leaving. "I'm staying. This is my fault, Phana. I'm staying." I'm shaking now that someone else is here. Over reaction time, I guess. Whatever. I'm not leaving Beam.

Phana glares at me. "If you don't go shower, I will call Bennie and Ming and drag you to get clean. Go on your own, or get dragged kicking and screaming. I don't care which. But you stink." He proceeds to ignore me after that and starts taking care of Beam.

I watch as he takes out a small pen light thing and flashes it at his eyes then moves on to his pulse. Then he listens to his heart. I've never actually seen Phana in Doctor mode. He has a different attitude than that of his student Doc Phana days.

Slowly I turn, deciding I can trust him to take care of Beam. I head to the showers and at the doorway, strip off the soiled clothes. After showering, I wonder what I'm going to put on. I wasn't here to swim, only visit Beam.

I walk out and there sits Kit holding a pile of clothes. "Wayo let me into your room. I grabbed a few things and brought them over." He held them out. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry too." He left after that so I could get dressed.

My mind was in hyperdrive. Why now? Why did Beam collapse now? Was it because I came back? Do I need to leave again? Sighing, I shake my wet hair like a dog and grab a towel and scrub it partially dry. Good enough. I need to see him again.

Maybe I don't spend long enough on thinking. Or call me a quick thinker. I'm staying one more night providing Beam will be okay and then I'm gone. Beam is right. I'm no good for him. This proves it.

Slowly walking back to where Phana has him now laying on a chaise lounge rather than the floor, a temporary IV set up. He needed an IV? For what?

Phana glances up at me. "This is not your fault, Forth. Beam hasn't been eating or drinking properly for months. His stomach shrunk significantly and yet, even though he's a doctor, he thought he could eat a normal meal. He's significantly dehydrated and he was drinking alcohol over the past week, which made it worse."

I groan. "How is it NOT my fault? I came back. I am the cause of it." Guilt weighs heavy on me.

Phana stands up and looks down at me. Fuck, I'd forgotten how damn tall he is! "Beam is a fucking adult! So are you! Each of you are responsible on for your own damn actions. NOT each others."

He turns and looks at Beam, sleeping on the chaise. "He is deeply asleep. The body shuts down when it can't function. Like a safety switch." He meets my eyes. "He's depressed. He won't take any medication for it. In fact, he denies being depressed."

Depression? We all are depressed.

I think Phana sees the confusion on my face. "Talk to Beam. Beam needs to tell you, not me. I told him to tell you before he started dating you."

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Now I'm really confused.

"Depression, Forth, open your fucking ears!" Pha snaps at me. "I swear, both of you are fucking idiots when it comes to each other. Blind fucking idiots!"

"I don't understand what you are saying..." I stammer, confused by his sudden burst of anger at me. What did I do wrong now? I mean, I probably do deserve it, I would just like to know.

"Never mind, Forth." His voice is tired. "It's no important, anyways. Beam can go back to his room once the bag of fluids is finished, in about an hour. Ask Wayo for his room key. Will you stay with him?"

I nod. He returns my nod and shows me how to unhook the IV, saying Beam can remove the needle in the morning or he can, wishes me good night and leaves. I drag another lounger close to Beam's and curl up under a towel.

I can't nap easily unless I hold him so I reach over take hold of his hand. Finally relaxing, I drift off to sleep. When I wake up, his hand is gone but Beam is looking at me.

"What happened, Forth?"

At least his first words weren't What did you do to me? I'm grateful for that! I take in a few deep breaths and very slowly say, "You threw up on me and then fainted. I couldn't wake you, so called Phana."

He nodded, then said, "IV fluids for how long?"

"They can come out now."

He sat up slowly, screwing his eyebrows together. I guess his head hurt. I watched as he carefully turned a small knob and then pulled a small plastic piece out of his arm. He swung the plastic line over the makeshift pole.

"Forth, is there any bandages around here?" I got up and looked for a first aid kit. I spotted it in the corner next to the exit and brought Beam the kit. He opened it and brought out some disinfectant and a bandage. In one swift move, the IV needle was out, the disinfectant swab was over and the bandage over that.

"There!" Beam smiled up at me, pleased. "I'm going back to my own bed now. Thanks for your help."

I don't know why, but I'm angry. I put my hand on his arm. "Spend the night with me, Beam. Our last night together. Let's make it a night to remember forever."