Jealousy

Part 16

The longest most uncomfortable, yet satisfying hour of my life is over! Phana has been stiff and unyielding the whole time. Kit has been trying silently to make up with Bennie who hasn't responded. Kit is close to crying.

Ha! That nosy brat! Bennie is so great! I love him, in a friendship way. This will hopefully, finally, teach Kit that it's okay to think for himself. He doesn't have to do what Phana says all the time!

Wayo stares at Ming with love in his eyes. I don't know how anyone can miss it. Ming is just as lovestruck. I never noticed it before, not seeing these two together before. Just goes to show that Yo IS a damn good actor!

Forth... I finally take a good look at him. I've felt his eyes on me ever since the dessert dishes were removed and the staff left. The table is clean and the coffee, tea and fruit juice left.

I take several deep breaths and smile. It's time. I give myself a small prep talk before opening my mouth and begin. "I'm moving. You may begin with your questions. I reserve the right to answer."

Forth droops like he was hit with a bag of bricks. His eyes stay on me, just watching, letting others go first.

Phana squints. "I knew it! I knew you'd run! You're a fucking idiot, Beam! Your career has just started and you're leaving? To where?" He's pissed at me and I don't fucking care.

"Wherever, undecided. On Tuesday, I'm handing in my notice." I shrug.

"Why, Beam?" Kit cries, big tears rolling down his face. "Are we that horrible to you?"

"Yes, you are." I leave it there.

Pha's anger simmers over, "So this is your way to punish Kit and I for trying to keep you alive? That's it?"

"No, actually, this has nothing to do with you." I shrug. I have to make myself clearer. "I do love you two, I always have. I'm leaving because I can't forgive or forget with you around. I need to grow up." I lean back and stretch. "How can I do that with my dad always looking out for me, Pha? You have Kitty watching me if you aren't there. I'm suffocating."

Forth's eyes narrow. He's smelling the rat in the room. "Why are Wayo and Ming here, Beam?"

I smile now, a happy one. "Because they were part of the problem, weren't they, Forth?" I lean forward, crossing my arms on the table. "Shouldn't they be part of the solution?"

"How, Beam?"

"Oh, Baby, Baby, use your brain!" I chide, "If I was fucking Phana so intently back then, would Wayo and Ming be together right now?"

Yo and Ming only smile. Pha's brows draw together, leaving creases. I am never crude in public. This is shocking to him, but everyone has heard me say these words before in some manner, one way or another.

"I wish Phana HAD sex." Yo says wistfully. "It was so rarely, it felt non-existent." Ming laughed.

"Do you know how often I held you back then, crying over The Great Phana?" He pats Wayo's hand on the table gently. "Kit would scream and yell at me that I was screwing my best friend or I loved you more than him. I wish it didn't take him cheating on me to realize it was true. I really did love you."

Pha's ears are red. He detested when anyone discussed his personal life, yet here I am, dragging it out for anyone to hear. Look, Phana! See, Phana! Feel, Phana! It's awful, isn't it?

YOU DO THIS TO ME ALL THE TIME!

Forth is smart and stupid all mixed up, I've never understood how he can grasp concepts that Pha can't. "Beam, this is a mean, vicious way to make Phana understand."

"Fuck off, Forth!" I snap back. "Were you any better that night?" For the first time, I really look at his face and hold his gaze. "You are a mean, vicious man in your own way, aren't you?"

He holds my eyes. The table is completely quiet. This is the good stuff. "Yes, I was. I regret everything I said that night."

"You can regret it, you can even say you're sorry. But," I leaned closer to him and lowered my voice. Now it seemed like we were close, intimate. "You meant every fucking word you uttered that day. Don't tell me any different."

Leaning back, my heart stopped and then fluttered as the blood drained from his face. It was a direct hit. Some things said in anger are said to hurt, some are truths of the heart. But when it comes to jealousy, its always the truth in your heart that comes out.

"I will only believe that you didn't mean one part..." I give a tiny smile. "Since we are once again breathing the same air, I guess you didn't really mean it."

Bennie stood, and with a roar, "Beam? It's really THIS man? The one you've cried a hundred times over?"

Fuck! Bennie! NOOOOO! Not now!

Standing, I quickly move between Forth and Ming, blocking Bennie from reaching for poor Forth's neck. "Please, Bennie, please, sit back down." I pat his gently rounded tummy. "Just sit."

Kit, with a look of horror, remembering different memories of Forth's past fights, takes one look at his gentle teddy bear, jumps up from his seat and grabs his hand, "Please, my Bear, sit. Beam told you he doesn't need you. Sit."

Bennie flashes Forth another look and between Kit and I, we get him to sit back down.

"The Beam I know was never cruel." Forth says slowly. "You could be evil if the situation called for it, but never mean and cruel."

I shrug. "Do you have any idea how long I've plotted my revenge if you showed up, Forth Jaturapoom?" He's not looking at me again, instead, for some crazy reason, he's staring at Pha, who's got his mouth open.

Why Phana? What the FUCK did you do now?

Continuing on, "Haven't you heard the saying, revenge is a dish best served cold? Five years is definitely cold. Ice cold." I clap my hands together, as if I was in an audience. "What a stellar performance in my condo the other day!"

He's pure white, all color gone. Like Wayo said, I'm being a total shit, a mean fucker right now. I don't understand Phana's reaction though? It's off, he should be screaming and yelling at me. Why isn't he? 

"Phana? What the fuck did you do?" Direct attack. It's the only way.

Softly, from out of nowhere, Pha says, "Forth, my deepest apologies." He stands and walks around the table. He drops to his knees and gets into a bow. "From my heart, I do apologize. I misunderstood the whole situation."

Phana raises his head and I see tears! Oh my fucking god, Phana is crying! Crying! "I completely misunderstood what Beam was going through over the past years. I never would have brought you back into this... hell, if I did."

"I only wanted to save both of you, keep you both from killing yourselves." Phana stands up, shoots me a look I don't understand and walks from the clearing.