Jealousy

Part 29

Beam

I don't know when the administrator fishes me out of my bed and forces me into a hot shower. I couldn't even tell you how long I stayed in my bed. I wasn't even aware they had a spare key for the little house. Maybe I should be glad they did.

When I got out, hair still wet but in clean clothes, on the small table was fresh juice and a very light meal. "Porridge? Really?" I hate rice porridge. He eyes me.

Wearily I sit down and pick up the spoon and begin to eat. My tummy wants to reject it, not having solid food for days. I fight to keep it down.

"Beam, you can't keep doing this to yourself. If this is your coping mechanism to every bad thing that has happened, you know what the next step is. YOU are a fully licensed medical doctor."

I nod. Knowing and acceptance are two different things.

Casually, he says, "I met him, your young man, I mean. An interesting young fellow. I see why you like him."

The spoon clatters to the table. My hands start to shake. "Is he still here?"

"Oh yes. Beam, he's not leaving until you listen to him. You need to completely face your past together to move on. Even you told me this, yourself." He rocks back on my poor chair, bringing the two front legs off the floor.

"You don't give advice." I mutter sourly.

"We're not in a session." He's quite cheerful. "You skipped it. I'm here as your friend." He reaches over, picks up my forgotten spoon and puts in my hand. "Eat. I'm not leaving until you do."

"Fuck." I start eating again, at least I'm holding it down.

"Don't swear at me." He chides. "I've run as much interference with those idiots you have for friends." He continues, "But I can't for much longer." His fingers drum on the table. "I'd forgotten why I moved out here. Those city doctors are so pushy!"

Phana. I nod. Yup, that's Phana.

"That little one? With the nose? I want to take a needle and deflate his ego! Wow," He continues on babbling, "If it wouldn't have been for the big fat one saying something in English, I think, I would have done something horrible."

I smile at this. I miss Kit and Bennie and their constant bickering. Well, Kit's nagging and Bennie shutting him up with a word or look.

"Is that little one a doctor too?"

I shake my head. "He's a import/exporter. But he was in med school with Pha and I until the third year when he dropped out. Bennie, the fat one, as you called him is from France and is in real estate."

"They all care about you, Beam. Your lover does too."

What the hell? Where did that come from? "Pardon me?"

"I told you, I met all of them, all of your friends." His eyes are serious now. "I like that boy, Forth. He's a good match for you."

Wearily, I look at my doctor. Yes, I see my doctor, not a friend, even if he says he's here as my friend. "How can you say that? You know our history together!"

"It's because I do know your history I can say, Beam. If you actually told him the truth, then that means he was able to rationally think things through, make an informed decision as to accept or not accept you as YOU are then and now, and still wants you. YOU. No one else."

The chair scrapes the floor. "You don't work today, Beam. Get ready to be invaded because I held them off as long as I could. Those twits will be here soon." He sighed. "Well, everyone but Forth. He listened to me."

"I don't understand." I'm lost, floating in too much information too soon.

"Pay attention. Forth, he's your problem. You need to contact him when ready. I told him that. You will do that. He's at the hostel. Put your best foot forward today, Beam."

With a wave, the administrator left. Slowly, I cleaned up the dirty bowl and spoon and moved to the porch. I thought I could smell the bedroom. I wasn't having anyone inside until I did a deep clean in there.

It didn't take long before I saw Phana's trusty old car drive up. It was the same white Mercedes SUV he drove back in University. I'd asked him a few years back why he didn't buy a new one when he got the job, and he just shrugged.

"Why? This is a perfectly useable vehicle." Typical Pha. If it worked, why replace it?

Kit was the first out of the car. It had barely stopped before the door opened and he was flying up the steps and hugging me, crying at the same time. I let him for about 60 seconds before freeing myself and getting ready for his feeble punch.

I wasn't prepared though, for Bennie to be the one to punch me. It fucking hurt like hell. "God damn it, Bennie, I work tomorrow!" I fell half on the chair, rubbing my jaw. From the corner of my eye, I caught Pha laughing.

Fuck you all. I stood and walked slowly back into my little home and locked the door. I didn't need this shit.

They all started knocking and kicking at the door. I heard Bennie yell an apology, "I'm sorry, Beam. Pha and Kit told me I had to do it!"

"Fuck off, go away! I don't need traitor friends like you in my life."

Kit was crying louder now. "Phana, I told you not to hurt him anymore. I need my Beamie. Bennie likes him. Why?"

"Beam, come outside, we need to talk. Seriously."

"Go to hell, Phana!" I'm so angry, I'm shaking.

"I've been in hell, thanks. I need... I need to talk to you." Phana sounded odd.

I peek through the window and Kit is hugging him, while Bennie is patting his back. Oh my god, is Pha crying? The last time he cried was when I... well, I don't want to think about that.

"God damn it, Beam! Why do I always fucking cry over you!" Pha suddenly drops to his knees and covers his face. It's like watching a traffic accident happen, you're so fascinated that you can't move at all... then it hits you what is actually happening.

Slowly, I open the door and stand on the porch. All three look at me. "Don't come any closer. You can talk from there."

Kit and Bennie nod. Phana takes several deep breaths, trying to compose himself and then just drops back to his knees. "I'm so sorry, Beam. So very sorry. This is all my fault."