Jealousy

Part 5

Beam

If he thought I'd open the door because he was getting angry... what did he just say? Did he tell me to call the cops? Is he fucking crazy? I'm a god damn doctor! They'd sell that story out to the papers in a flash to make extra cash, the corrupt fuckers!

Was he trying to ruin my life all over again? I'd sooner call Phana or Kit and Bennie! Bennie! Now, Bennie could help evict Forth from my condo easily if any of them could get in here but I changed the door code often after they kept dropping in for "safety checks."

It was so fucking irritating! No, it was better to handle him myself. The words had dropped off to mumbling now, I couldn't hear them any longer. I wondered if he had fallen asleep. Still, there was no way I would open the door yet.

Carefully, I stood up and as I moved to walk away, I heard him, loud and clear, "Why? Why Beam? Why didn't you just come after me?" I stood frozen, hearing such despair in his voice.

Forth never sounded like that, he was always confident, cocky... so much that you wanted to hit him. I tried, I really tried! I fought against myself, hardening my heart but it was way too late. The cracks had appeared.

Curiosity had made them even wider. I needed to know why he expected me to run the fuck after him, when he accused me of fucking Phana! He said all those horrible things, that I couldn't even, to this day, still think he'd thought of!

I opened the door and Forth fell into the room! Laying on the floor, staring up at me was a wet faced Forth! Another WTF moment if there ever was! I'd only seen him cry a handful of times. He was sneaky about it. Good at doing it silently whereas I was an obnoxious crier.

"Fuck, Beam, give a guy some warning..." He tried to sit up but I pressed my foot on his chest to keep him flat. I liked having the advantage for once. I'm going to keep it.

"No Forth, just stay down there." I studied his face. Why did he have to be so fucking handsome while crying? I'm sure my nose was beet red, probably my eyes too. Forth looked like he was dusted by diamonds.

"Why should I have chased after you? YOU were the one who made the fucking baseless accusations. YOU were the one who told me to stay the fuck away from you." I went for the kill. "YOU told me you couldn't even stand to breath the same air as me."

He flinched hearing his words thrown back at him. "Beam, I'm sorry. I'll say it forever, just let me up. Okay?" He held his hands, palm side up in a gesture of surrender. "I want to explain..."

I took my foot off him and just shook my head. I wasn't sure I'd believe anything out of his mouth ever again. What I did know, is my bladder needed to be emptied. I went into the bathroom and peed. As I washed my hands, it was then I realized Forth followed me.

"Enjoyed the show?"

"Mmm, very much. Stay, I'll return the favor." He winked at me. I'm no prude but to gawk while you're in the middle of a fight, no thank you. I turned and left. I walked to the couch and sat in one corner and got out a new beer.

Sighing, I realized that I picked the wrong booze for tonight. It should have been vodka or whisky... even tequila. Beer takes too long and you pee too often. The couch bounced and jiggled as Forth joined me.

"Beam, I lost all my anger by the time I made it to the elevator. I was just too embarrassed to go back to the room. How could I? I was sure you loved me enough to come after me." He was playing with an empty can.

I pondered this. I couldn't have ran after you. I dissolved into a lump of nothing. I didn't move for hours, until I called Phana to tell him you left me and weren't coming back around 430 or 5 a.m.

Forth hit me lightly. "Fuck you, Beam! You still do this! This! This! And you wondered why I was always positive you were fucking someone else? This is why..."

Standing, he looked down on me, "Phana isn't so great after all. I told him it didn't matter if I loved you. You'd never tell me the truth of what happened that night. See you around, Beam."

It hit me like a brick.

No, a two ton cement slab. Is he referring to my thought process???

"Forth?" I'm scared, but I ask anyways, "Are you saying you thought I was sleeping with someone else because I'm always distracted?"

"Yes! Yes! You damn idiot, and you won't tell me what you think about. You never tell me what's on your mind. You'd just kiss me, or tell me it's okay." Forth looked at me, and the look was nothing but pain. "It hurts, Beam. It hurts a lot. So I'm done. Thanks for the walk down memory lane."

"I love you, Forth, I always have." I blurt out. "I probably always will. I haven't been able to stop myself."

He sinks to his knees. "What the fuck, Beam?"

"Those were my thoughts back then. Still are now." I look at my hands. "You think I'm going to tell you every minute we were together exactly how horny you made me? That with one look I wanted to jump you? Kiss you? Strip you naked?"

I'm avoiding his eyes. "Even now, half of what I'm thinking is how can he still be so fucking hot? How can I want him this badly after all the shitty fucking things he said to me? Bad, bad Beamie... hate him!"

Now I raise my eyes. "But it's you who were the bad guy, Forth, not me. I never walked away. I didn't scream or yell, say hateful things. You did. You broke me that night. I couldn't move for hours. Hours."

Once again, it's my fault for not paying attention. Forth pulls me into a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Beamie. So very sorry. It had been building and building for months. I felt like I was loosing you that last year. You were more and more silent. We were only connecting in bed and that was so infrequent."

He's shaking as he holds me. "I was sure you were doing something with someone, anyone. You certainly weren't talking to me anymore. I was asking but you'd smile and say I'm fine. It wasn't fine, Beam!" I feel a wet spot start on my shoulder. Fuck, he's crying. "I broke myself that night, you know."

His kiss is sloppy, wet compared to the first. It's just as sexy as the first, maybe sexier. The tears glittering on his eyelashes make him look youthful, as if the past five years never happened.

I pull back, "Forth... "

"Beam... " He mimics.

"It's too soon." I whimper, knowing we're a train wreck that's going to happen anyway.

"It's not soon enough." He whispers in my ear as his lips gently suck on my earlobe. I'm lost. The past is gone and it's just us, Forth and I in a room the way its always been.