Jealousy

Part 42

"Do you know how much I waited for you to call me and tell me that you went for treatment? I waited for you to say, hey, I'm okay? YOU told me you couldn't see me, or be with me because you needed to be a whole man. Fuck you!"

He lays there on the floor. "I wrote to you. A letter almost every fucking day, Beam."

"I don't get fucking letters! All my god damn mail goes to my attorney!" I turn and walk away. "I'm done. I am finished with you. I can't do this anymore. I have to put myself first and love me too. You... haven't changed at all."

I'm spun to face him. His jaw is beginning to swell, his lip is slightly cut. "I have! I have. That... wasn't out of anger or jealousy today, Beam. I know how to tell what I'm feeling now."

I stand there locked in his gaze. Nothing is said. We just stare at one another, feeling it. The electricity that never died. No, I can't do this... I end up being hurt time and time again.

It feels so good. It's a drug all of its own. I see my thoughts echoed back at me.

It feels so good. No one can touch me like Forth can.

I'm pulled into his arms and my hands come up to stop him. As they settle on his hard pectoral muscles, I whisper, all anger gone, "This doesn't solve anything."

"I know." He kisses me. There's nothing but love in his kiss. No anger, desperation or even wanting to punish me. I know, he's kissed me before with all of these emotions. It's just love in his kiss.

It's soft, gentle... thorough. My back is against the wall. Something hurts, the corner is digging into my back. I shift and wiggle but it brings me tighter against Forth. He groans and picks me up, grinding my crotch against his as he carries me back to the bed.

He takes of his suit jacket and throws it across the room. I get up off the bed and pick it up. I hang it up. He scowls at me. "Are we in a hurry?" I raise my eyebrow at him. He laughs and takes his shirt off and throws it at me. I take another hanger and hang it up. He strips off his pants and I carefully fold them. I look at him in his socks and underwear, the bulge so prominent.

Fuck, Beam, stop thinking! Saliva builds in my mouth and I swallow hard. I take off my own suit jacket and hang it next to Forth's. So normal it makes me smile. My shirt follows as does my pants, neatly folded on top of his. I slip off my socks and his hands surprise me when I stand up.

I'm pulled back to feel how hard he is between my cloth covered ass. "You belong here, Baby." I'm on fire from head to toe. Only Forth... it's always been him. I sigh and relax into his body.

Turning around to face him, I reach my hands up and cup his face. I search it once again and then, kiss him. My lips, from the first taste, know what to do. They explore his mouth, lightly tracing the seam. He groans.

"I want you." He's cupping me.

"Do you want me to say it?" He shakes his head. He drops a light kiss on my lips and leads me back to the bed. Once there, pushes me flat. My knees bend, leaving only my upper body laying down.

"Scoot up" I wiggle further up. He gathers me up in his arms. "I want you so badly, Beam." His hands are playing, drawing lines across my torso. It's driving me insane. Why the fucking hell is he still talking? "We need to talk though."

I sigh. "Fuck my life." I struggle to sit up, pushing his hands off me. "If you're not fucking me, why did you bring me here?"

He pulls me into a tight hug and holds me. "I want to fuck you like we've never had sex, Beam. But we DO need to talk too. WE need it, that talking shit. There's too much history."

His head drops to my shoulder. "I'm tired of either being hurt or hurting you. Aren't you? I got help, Beam. I am getting help. I want to be in your life. Always."

I don't move. I can't. I don't... don't know what to do. "What does that mean?" There, that was safe, wasn't it?

"I made it worse, didn't I? My problems. If I want to be in your life, I can't have my own problems. I need to find out why I was so jealous and angry. I won't say I am perfect but I am working on it."

"Why are you telling me this?" I don't get it. I don't understand him.

"Fuck, Beam, listen to me, I've said it over and over. I don't do one night stands. I need you. I love you. I want you." His arms have tightened around me so much I feel like I can't breathe. Is he really saying what I think he is?

"We can't... I don't live in Bangkok. I won't live here." Why am I fighting what I want too? Why am I still sabotaging what I want? I don't understand... He's offering me my happiness on a plate and I am saying no!

"I don't care if we don't live together! I can drive to you. I only need to know you are mine. You will be faithful to me. I trust you, Beam. If you say you're mine, you will be mine. I trust you." He starts rocking me. "It's true, isn't it. You've never, ever, been with anyone else, no matter how much I hurt you."

Why did he make them statements and not questions. I can't even answer them! I fight back tears. I don't want to cry! "Fuck you." I'm crying because he understands. 

Gently, he uses the palm of his hand and turns my face towards him. He wipes my tears away and bends his face to kiss me. "You're mine, Beam. All these years, you've always been mine. Just like there has never been anyone else for me. I've always been yours."

I see he has tears in his eyes, too. He kisses me again and this time, he plunges his tongue into my mouth. His hand, it wraps around the nape of my neck, guiding and supporting for one hell of a kiss. 

We slide back down to lay on the bed, still kissing. As the kiss breaks, he looks at me. "I don't think I can last long..." It strikes me funny and I start to laugh. He pretends to be mad and the two of us dissolve in giggles. 

Gasping, "We're not teenagers anymore, Forth! Slow and steady... slow and steady!" 

He returns with, "But I will miss doing the times table each night!"

"The times table?"

"Yes! One times one, then two times, three times, four times and so on!" For some reason, it makes me laugh even harder... 

"Forth, If you can still get it up four times tonight, I'll treat you to breakfast tomorrow morning!"

Sorry, Kit and Bennie, we forgot we had a wedding reception to attend...