Jealousy

Part 28

I hear him before I see him. "Are you ever tired of running, Beam?"

My heart stops and flutters. I wasn't really running, not yet. I wanted space but now, I am scared. Almost snarling, "No."

He comes closer, out of the dense forest that lines the paths all through the village. "Do you know what you are, Beam Baramee? A coward, afraid to face me." He stops directly in front of me, blocking my way home.

I know I'm not a coward. I've faced him head on each time. "I'm not. It's over, Forth. YOU ended it both times. Not me." I move forward and attempt to walk by him. He stops me, holding my forearm. It's gentle but it feels as if I'm placed in handcuffs.

Fuck my life. He still feels like home as the familiar electricity zaps between us and the hair on my bare arm stands up. I know he feels it too. Why? Why can't we just end this... this love story?

"I'm still trying, Beam. I know everything now and I'm still want to be with you. That's what Phana meant all those years ago. I would have never left back then if I would have known. I would..."

I yank my arm from him and drop to my heels, hugging myself tightly. "Don't, Forth, just don't. I don't do what if's any more. I can't." I collect myself and stand up. I face him and then say, lowly, close to tears. "I need to think. Give me time."

He backs a few feet away, a strange look on his face. "Beam, you don't have much time."

I nod. I know what he's done. I start running. It takes me less than 10 minutes to get back to the small home. Well, the place I have called home. I lock the door that hasn't been locked in over 10 months. I crawl into bed and draw my blanket up over my head, and sit there, in the dark, shaking.

I hear things... I ignore them. I'm completely lost in a mix of sleep and hazy wakefulness. I don't leave my bed except to go to the bath. Food? Who needs it?

Time stood still for me while I think.

Forth

Was this a mistake? No, I didn't make a mistake finding him. Beam had over a year to hide, to heal. I need him by my side. It's time we faced our mistakes together.

I wait patiently outside his little house in the morning to take him to work and he never shows. I pound on the door and turn the handle but it's locked. Sighing, I drive to the hospital. He must have walked that path.

Entering the hospital, I meet an older man talking to Beam's nurse/receptionist. "Excuse me, may I have a moment with Dr. Baramee?"

They both give me an odd look and then the nurse says, "I'll excuse myself and leave this with you, Administrator." I wonder why the hospital administrator wants to see me.

He eyes me up and down and sighs. "Follow me, young man." I shrug. If this means I can see Beam, I'd follow the devil himself. I WAS following the devil himself but I didn't know it.

He introduces himself but to tell you the truth, I didn't care. He is the administrator of the hospital and Beam's boss. He wants to know why I'm here, disrupting his staff? What the fuck? How have I done that? This is my first time IN the hospital. My rebellious side surfaces...

"Sir, I am not sure what you mean, but my business with Beam is..."

"Our hospital's as well, when our Doctor does not show for a scheduled shift. I can only presume you have something to do with it." I stand at his words, ready to break down his door. The old guy's eyes narrow. "Young man, sit back down. Now."

I slowly sit. "But Beam may need..."

"I am well aware of what my staff may need. What I don't know is the unknown variable. YOU." His words are sharp, so are his eyes. I haven't been judged like this since my dad used to look at me when I would bring home a bad report card.

This old man, he cares about Beam! The realization hits me hard. A smile grows on my face, slowly. "Is this a 'what are your intentions to my son' kind of meeting?', Sir?

He snorts laughter. "You're smart, boy. In a way, in a way." He leans back in his chair and studies me further. "Let me give you my qualifications, smart boy. I am not only a PhD, but I have several areas of specialty, which in a rural hospital come in handy." He lists them all but most, I don't understand. A few I've heard of, but the one that stands out is psychology.

It's my turn to lean forward. "Are you telling me you studied the brain?"

He nods. "In simplified terms, yes."

"Are you the Doctor that Beam is seeing?"

I see a smile cross his face and he says, "I can't answer that, patient confidentiality."

I don't need you to answer, old man, I know in my heart it was YOU! I smile back. "I need him." I say it with as much sincerity and love in my heart. "I won't hurt him now that I know."

The administrator shrugs. "Once trust is broken, it's the hardest thing to rebuild. Love almost always remains, but trust..." His words fade off and he lifts his shoulders in a shrug. He smiles, and then says, "Just so you know, I charge a lot per session."

I pull out my wallet and grab out 200,000 bhat, placing that on his desk. "Is that enough?"

Laughter bubbles out of the old man. His hand pushes the cash back at me. "I see what Beam saw in you. Keep it. Go back to the hostel. Rest. Relax. Leave Beam alone. He will see you when he's ready."

I don't like it but he is the expert. I stand then sit down. "Doc," I say, deciding that I don't like him as an administrator, but as a doctor, he's great. "Doc, I may have done something bad."

He groans. "What now, boy?"

"I told his family where he is. They're on their way."

"Well, hell!" I didn't think this old man could curse. I left laughing, after leaving my number just in case. In case, he didn't bother to share what the IN CASE was for. 

Arriving back at the hostel, that's when shit really hit the fan. Phana was there. I am not sure how he managed to arrive this early in the day, but there he is, with the young lady who cleans the rooms desperately trying to flirt. 

I take a deep breath and go meet my terrible fate.