Jealousy

Part 33

Beam

Going back to work was harder than expected. Did I look fragile? Sick? Why was everyone looking at me so differently? My nurse was treating me gently. By lunch time, I snapped. Literally.

I sat at my desk as she brought me a cup of tea and set it down. "Take it the fuck away." She jumped, knocking the hot tea over my leg. I stood, "Just fucking great." I took off my white lab coat and started to pat dry my leg and shorts. I know, what doctor wears shorts? All of us do, when it's this hot and muggy.

The nurse is almost in tears. "I'm sorry, Doctor Beam. I'm only trying..."

"Trying what? Drive me crazy? Make me leave? What?" I know I'm being unreasonable, but the one thing I always pick up on is when I'm treated different. I can't stand it. I hate it, in fact.

"No! You've misunderstood! We don't want you to go! I thought if I treat you extra nice, you'll stay." She hesitates and continues, "Isn't that why you didn't come to work? You turned in your resignation and the Administrator had to talk you into coming back?"

I completely forget about my wet shorts and drop like a stone to my chair. I'm stunned. The rumor mill in this tiny hospital is amazing. "What the hell? Where did you ever get that from? I was home sick in bed for three days."

"Oh. When you didn't answer any phone calls, everyone assumed you left." It was so quiet, I barely heard her. I couldn't even see her face, it was hidden behind her hands. I hope you die from embarrassment. 

Sighing deeply, I think, that's mean, Beam, stop it. Then again, she deserves it for listening to gossip instead of just out right asking you. I'm tired. I just want to go home. I want her to leave and she's not getting up from the patient's consulting chair.

"Is there something else, Nurse?" My tone is caustic. 

"I'm sorry, Doctor. Very sorry. Can I bring you another cup of tea?" She stands and gives me a deep waii. 

I shake my head. I want to change into different clothes. Dry clothes. "Just go. Oh..." I stop her before she leaves. "How many patients this afternoon?"

"Four, one of them is new. Then you have rounds." I nod. I change quickly and sit back down at my desk. Pulling the folders toward me I sift through them, looking for the new patient. 

My hands still, as I see the name on it. I can't do this. I can't be his doctor. I call up the hospital administrator. "Sir! You know who Forth Jaturapoom is to me! How can you assign me to be his doctor!" My voice rises by the end of the sentence.

If I didn't know any better, I'd swear he was laughing. "Are you a good doctor, Beam?"

"Yes, I am." I know I'm a good general practicing doctor. I'm a good general surgeon too. 

"See the boy, Beam. He needs a good doctor." The administrator hung up the phone.

Forth was sick? He wasn't ill when he picked up Beam four days ago... but there were many illnesses up here in the mountains, Beam had learned. He wasn't prepared for mosquitos the first few weeks. 

He really believed malaria was a thing of the past. Not here. Some mosquitos still carried it. They had cases almost every other week because people simply didn't use or believe in replacing mosquito nets while they slept. 

Beam sighed. He had to wait until he saw Forth with his own eyes to know what was wrong. Then his brain started working. Phana was with Forth. If Pha was sending him to the hospital, it needed more than a prescription. Pha could dispense the drug for malaria, even here.

Pha knew what malaria looked like. It wasn't that. He groaned and cradled his head. He didn't want to see him yet. He still hadn't fully decided on how to proceed with Forth. All he knew was Forth had to be in his life for him to move forward.

Dressed now in a snappy khaki pants and a well tailored dress shirt I store at the hospital for when the Administrator likes to spring sudden guests on me, I'm very nervous. I can't get the fact that I will, no, may have to touch him again. 

"Stop."

"Doctor? Pardon me?" My nurse looks ready to burst into tears again. The teen boy is puzzled but unafraid and just walks in. Thank god for that bull headedness of youth. 

I wave her out and mouth an "I'm sorry" at the same time. She nods and closes the door gently. "Hey Book, how did it go this month?"

He juts out his chin and stares at me. "Are you moving, Doc Beam? If so, why are you bothering to do my surgery? You won't be here to see me walk right." His eyes are wicked, as they meet mine. "You won't see me play football or run to school because I'm late."

He stands up and walks to the edge of my desk and screams at me, "Why do you care, Doc?"

I've been there, right there, exactly where this young boy is. I know how it feels to be IN his shoes, hurting, hurt and feeling like no one is listening or has listened to a fucking word you said.

The thing is, I heard every damn word. I will be here. I listened to my doctor. I'm not running anymore. I don't answer Book, instead I'm angry myself. I stand up, ignoring him and walk to the door. Opening it, I walk out and in an extremely loud voice, okay, fuck that, I'm yelling.

"Listen up, you gossip hungry mother fucking idiots that work in this damn building! YOU hurt this young gentleman! Get down on your knees and convince him to do the surgery that took me SIX, you hear me, SIX long months for him to do it."

I am yelling as I walk up and down the halls. "I am not leaving. I am not dating anyone. I am gay. Got a problem? See the old man. I hear one more piece of gossip, male OR female, I will tape your mouth shut! Now, by the time I get back to my office, SOMEONE," my voice is sore and hoarse, "Better have convinced Book to get that fucking surgery or I will leave!"

I didn't even realize my fist hit the wall until I got back to my office. My nurse was standing there, with her mouth open as she was pushed aside by 8 or 10 people. Book's mother had disappeared. I figured she would once I started screaming. She was a part time housekeeper in the hospital. He likely heard the gossip from his mother first.

My nurse grabbed my hand and gasped. But it was Forth's hand that made me stand frozen like a statute. "Beam, you do less damage to yourself if you hit something soft like flesh." 

His words were soft, so was his touch, as his thumb ran over the rough and bloody knuckles. "Stop that, they may get infected." He snorted and only looked at me. I'm totally his. 

I always was.