Problem Kid

Chapter 55

I don't know when I come to from the operation but when I do, I'm feeling extremely groggy. My vision swims and swoops so much I have to close my eyes again for a while. I feel sick however thankfully my pain has subsided a bit. When I look to my right, I figure out that it's probably from some of those drips I'm attached to. There are 4 bags hanging off of the IV pole and I have 2 cannulas, one in a foot and one in a thumb. When I look down, I'm relieved to see that I still have two full arms. The left one is in a fresh cast and a straight splint beside me. I don't try to move, instead I just lay there staring at the ceiling as the tears roll down each side of my face. I can feel my hair getting damp, salty water sinking into the pillow below me. I just lay there crying, alone in my hospital bay with just the sounds of my IVs and machines beeping and buzzing along in the background. I feel awful. Physically, I'm broken. My whole body feels numb but in pain at the same time. The anaesthetic has left me dissociated and numb. My body doesn't feel like mine as I float in my mind. Mentally, I'm in agony. The guilt is drowning me and I can feel the alcohol has worn off. I'm exhausted, so exhausted. I've let myself and everyone around me down once again and they're all stuck having to deal with the concequences of my fucked up brain and crazy actions. What's wrong with me? What the fuck is wrong with me...

"Hey, Ev," My trance is broken by Jimmy's exhausted voice coming from the floor to my right. I turn my head to see him sitting up from a makeshift bed consisting of a plastic materess and hospital blankets and pillows.

"Hi..." I whisper, still crying. He leans over to me and places a hand on my cheek.

"It's okay. I'm going to get a doctor to come in, alright? Is that alright?" He says quietly. The sides of his eyes are red from where he's been crying. I just nod as he leaves again. Once he's gone, I lay in silence. My tears keep rolling but I don't care. I just want to know what's going to happen to me.

"Hello, Everleigh. Do you want me to sit you up?" I hear a familiar voice say to me.

"Yes please, Marie," I whisper. My voice is breaking and my throat is dry. I lay still as Marie sits the bed up for me. Once I'm up, I look around the bay. I'm in the same one as earlier.

"I'm just going to fill you in on how the operation went and what's going to happen from now, okay?" I stay silent as Marie begins to talk.

"So, the operation went fairly well. The plastic surgeons were able to save your arm and repair some of the damage to a certain extent but it was quite bad and if I'm honest, there will be long term effects. It's unsure how much feeling you'll be able to regain in that hand. Your arm overall isn't too bad but your hand isn't good. There's a few possibilities of what can happen. One is that you may regain most sensation and control back in your hand over time and with physical therapy. That would be good. Other options include gaining partial sensation and control or in worst case, you may gain only small amounts of sensation and little to no control or movement. We will get a better idea in about a week when we remove the cast and replace it with bandages and a splint. That's the left one. The right, everything seems fairly okay there. It didn't take too much work to repair and you should have most or all control in it. Sensation may be an issue and you might not be able to feel the ends of your fingers as well or at all. But the surgeons did a good job. How do you feel about all of that?" I lay in silence, shocked. I don't know what to say so I just nod slowly.

"In terms of what's going to happen next, we want to keep you in here for a bit. I'd say a week. Or at least until your casts come off. We have you on a fluids drip, morphine, antibiotics and nutrition. You were given blood before and during your first operation too. When you're ready, you can have something to eat and drink because you probably need something in you soon. You have a psych team coming to see you after lunchtime tomorrow to talk to you. You'll have a few visits from them during your stay to assess and decide what's going to happen next. We will be sticking to similar to your home mealplan here but we have given permission for you to meal prep with your family so they can bring in the foods you need to make it a bit easier for you. Your partner says he wants to stay here with you whilst you're here which is okay. One person can stay with you overnight if that'll help you cope easier. Your other family members can visit from 9am to 8pm too. When you're better, you can go out into the gardens for air but that won't be for at least a few days yet. Your dog is here too, Sam has taken her outside for a bit. We allowed him and his partner to stay so they could see you when you woke up. I'll go see if I can find them now for you, okay?" I nod again, still shocked as she leaves. I don't know what to do or say so I'm silent. Jimmy sits on the chair beside me and rests his arm on my shoulder since he can't hold my hand.