Problem Kid

Chapter 24

"Everleigh," I am shaken awake gently by Jimmy.
"I'm fine," I mutter, siting up slowly.
My head hurts.
Jimmy hands me hangover pills with my usual meds which I take with a glass of water I then ask him to refill. I use my hangover as an excuse not to eat.
"I'm too nauseous," I say before throwing up into the toilet and getting back into bed where I lay down and stare at the wall. Jimmy takes Summer for a walk as I just lay in my dress from last night until Sam comes into my room an hour or so later. I don't keep track of time.
"Everleigh, Hey," Sam murmurs, sitting on the bed.
"It hurts," I cry, my voice cracking as Sam sits me up and holds me to his chest.
"I know. I know it does," I sob my heart out or him and tell him the pain I feel as he comforts me gently.
"How about you have a bath and I'll send Jack, Maya and Jimmy our for the day to do something else whilst we go out and have a nice day?" Sam suggests after I stop crying.
"That would be lovely," I whisper and he pats my back.
"I ran you a bath so you can take that. I'll text Jim and talk to the others now," I thank him sadly and he leaves. I take my toiletries bag and some random clothes before trudging upstairs to the bigger bathroom where I lock the door and stop the running water which is nice and hot. I strip, gently unfolding my bandages on my arms and legs to see the deep cuts have only just closed over. The skin is tender and raw. I press on it, hissing slightly before getting into the bath. Hot water makes my shredded body scream in pain however I embrace it, allowing it to attack me until finally it wears off and I open my eyes which were previously locked closed. I relax. Finally, after an hour or so, I get out. I take a towel and lay my tender body dry before blow drying my hair and turning to the mirror. I hate my body. It's torn apart and I hate it. It's fat and I hate it. However, I'm confused. I haven't been eating pretty much anything yet my stomach pudges out slightly. I must just be eating too much. Unless...
I shake my head.
I can't be pregnant.
However I can't be sure.
I look into my bag for my emergency pregnancy test and find it, taking it over to the toilet where I follow the instructions and place it on the side where it's supposed to sit for 5 minutes.
Fear laced my body as I think of all the signs.
Nausea
POTS suddenly getting slightly worse.
Dizziness
Period late by over a week
Mood swings
Change in taste of food
It all fits together, I realise as I sink down the wall to the floor. I suddenly turn on myself. If I am pregnant, I've been hurting this baby. I've been putting them at risk and I'm clearly a bad mother. I've done so much wrong.
I've been eating badly
I've been cutting
I've been drinking
I've been so stressed
I've been taking pills
I've been neglecting myself
Hell, I got drunk last night!
I think of all these things as I lay sobbing on the bathroom floor, waiting for my timer to go off. When it does, I tentatively take the test from the counter and stare down at it.
One line means not pregnant.
Two lines crossing means pregnant.
Two crossed lines lay before my eyes.
"SAM! SAM!" I scream, hearing feet run up the stairs and bang on the door.
I throw on my robe before unlocking it and falling into his arms.
"What is it?! Are you ok?!" I just cry and lull away, hands over my mouth. He looks at the open packet and test lying on the floor behind me and covers his mouth.
"Oh, Ev," his eyes fill up.
"I know you're scared. I know you feel guilty for hurting them but it's ok. I understand Ev," he murmurs and I cry even more at his understanding.
"I don't know what to do," I sob.
"It's ok. First, get yourself dressed and then we'll go for a coffee and talk, ok?" I nod sadly and he leaves me for a moment. I close the door and robotically dressing myself in a black and white striped long sleeve and plain black jeans before draining the bath and walking downstairs where I get Summer in her harness and prepare to go out. I don't feel badly dizzy today so I leave the chair and just put Sum's bag on my shoulder.
"The others left half an hour ago. Let's go to Starbucks at the mall," I thank him and nod, grabbing my purse as we leave, lock up and set off in the car. We sit in silence, the radio on at a moderate volume. My Blood by Twenty One Pilots is playing on BBC Radio One and I listen in silence. Sad. Broken. Scared.
"Ev?" I am jolted out of my thoughts to look at Sam.
"You ok?" Oh yeah sure. I'm great!
"I'm fine," I reply blandly.
"No you aren't," I sigh. I apologise.
"We'll book a doctors appointment," I nod.
"When will you tell Jimmy?" I shrug. I sigh. I respond.
"Tomorrow," He nods.
"I won't tell the others yet," I nod. I thank him.
"What if I hurt her..." I whimper.
"I'm sure it's ok. Baby doesn't receive much of your nutrition yet so it'll all be ok... What makes you think she?" He asks. I shrug.
"I just have a feeling," I sigh.
"You're going to be ok," he assures me as we park up. I bury my face in Summer's fur and cry.
"I don't know," I sob.
"You can get through this. I promise you can," I sigh and nod.
"Ok..." I whisper before opening the car door. Summer steps out and I clip her leash to her harness before I follow.
"Coffee?" Sam asks as we feet to Starbucks however I shake my head, not feeling it. As I browse the menu I suddenly spot a Salted Carmel frappe with marshmallow cream on top and I need it.
"Hey! How can I help you?" The woman at the counter asks me and I speak.
"Can I have that salted Carmel frap please but can I get the strawberry syrup in it please! Oh, also, can I please get quite a lot of cinnamon please," the woman gives me a weird look however she writes on the cup. I glance around awkwardly as I wait and spot the cake counter.
"Can I also have the chocolate and pistachio brownie, please! Two," I speak up, my stomach yearning for the foods I normally steer well clear of.
"That'll be £9.50," I take out my purse however Sam returns to me with a coffee in his hand and pays.
"Name?" The woman asks, flicking her long cornrows and narrowing her eyes.
"Everleigh, thanks" she nods and I take the change and pass it to Sam, walking to a close by table with him and settling Summer at my feet.
"Thought you didn't fancy anything?" He smirks and I roll my eyes.
"Shh," I growl and laugh quietly as the woman walks over with my items and glares down at Sum.
"You can't have that in here," I look up.
"I can have her in here. She's a service dog, she is for medical reasons," her eyes roll as she chews loudly on her gum, the soft pink gloop slapping against her gums.
"I don't care. You ain't blind. Get it out," I sigh.
"She's legally allowed in any buildings with me. She works for me. If I don't have her, I'm at serious risk. I have POTS which makes me pass out a lot. I need her so if you have a problem, send out your manager. Maybe he'll be less of a dumbass than you," I snap back, suddenly furious.
"Whatever. Screw this," she throws the tray down and walks off angrily. I just sip my coffee and smile to myself.
"Woah, Ev!" I laugh, apologising.
"Nah, I'm proud. You stood ya ground!" I glance down at my stomach, hand cupping it softly under the table.
"There's a baby in there..." Sam nods.
"Yeah,"
"How old do you think she is?" He asks after a moment of silence as I inhale a cake.
"I... has to be at least 5 weeks because.... that's when the last chance for her to have been conceived was..." I think back, brow furrowed as I bite into my second cake.
"We'll book a doctors appointment. Let me phone up. I know the doctor, I'll try and get one for tomorrow," I thank him and he steps outside as I chug the last of my drink. Cup and plate empty, I sit, satisfied. My hands rest on my bloated stomach as regret begins to seep in and i desperately attempt to count the calories. Numbers. So many numbers. Until, I stop...
This is my baby. My child growing inside of me. And I'm trying to starve but only myself but this baby too? Never. I try to relax, pushing away the intrusive thoughts and freighting against the idea to purge, only staying away from the desires for my child. Suddenly, Summer begins to give a POTS alert and I sigh, standing slowly and leaving my dog out of the cafe. I sit outside beside where Sam is standing on the phone and lie down. He looks over and nods, smiling gently as I settle on my back and close my eyes, willing the blackout to hurry. As Summer tries to lay across my stomach, I shake my head, moving her so she's just below my stomach, across my hips and upper thighs. With a small pay of her head, I close my eyes and drift out of consciousness before after what seems like a small amount of time, I'm awake again. Sam is stood beside me talking and I open my eyes groggily to see the waitress from Starbucks with her hand on her hip as she argues with a mildly frustrated Sam.
"She can't lie here, I told you already!" She growls and I close my eyes again, head hurting.
"What option do we have? She's passed out. I don't even see the problem. She's out of the way of the door and the main paths, up against the wall. She is taking barely any space and all she is doing is lying there," Sam retorts, eyes narrow with anger.
"I don't care. Move her and that animal," she looks down at me just as I open my eyes again and points with a long manicured nail. The scarily bright pink polish is chipped.
"It's awake so move," I sigh, sitting up and ignoring the dizziness I experience.
"Ev, it's ok," I shake my head.
"If this psycho is that distressed about me laying here we'll go," I sigh.
"Yeah! Take that rat with you, too!" She points at Summer and I sigh, pushing my heavy body off the ground until I'm standing. Summer stands at my heel obediently as I take her leash out of my bag and clip it on, attaching it to my jeans.
"You ok to walk?" I nod at Sam, beginning to move. As I turn away, I notice the woman flip me off and I spin around angrily.
"I'm sure you'll be so happy when your manager hears all about this," suddenly, she rolls her eyes and hangs her head. I sigh, leaving quickly.
"Are you ok? She was honestly disgusting with her attitude," I nod.
"I'm ok. Just frustrated but it's ok. Did you manage to talk to the doc?" I ask and he nods.
"We can either go in now or on Tuesday next week," Sam smiles, patting my hand.
"Today, please," He nods.
"Ok!"
"Thank you so much," I stop walking to wrap my arms around him and he pats my back gently.
"It'll all be ok," he whispers as I cry quietly on his shoulder. I nod before pulling away, taking his hand and making my way back to the car with him and my service dog, thankful if the amazing father figure I have to support me and my beautiful service girlie.

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EDITED