Problem Kid

Chapter 28

I blink slowly, harsh white lights blinding me angrily.
"Hey," Sam is sat up beside me, hair messy and eyes tired.
"What time is it?" I ask, rubbing my face.
"It's literally just 9am," he says and I nod, turning to see the door open after a light knock sounds out. A young woman in uniform walks in, pushing a trolley with some food on it. I sigh.
"Wrong room," she shakes her head.
"No, I'm pretty sure this is 220. It says on the door!" She stops beside me, pushing the tray over my bed. I stare down at it, disapproval lacing my features.
"I'm not eating that," I state, pushing the fruity pancakes away angrily. A small amount of orange juice falls out of the glass.
"Everleigh," Sam says sadly.
"No! Fuck off!" He gasps.
"Ev? You never talk like that?" He looks hurt as I roll my eyes.
"No," I say angrily before itching my nose below my tube and pushing the tray away.
"If you don't eat, we will have to put the tube back in when you get to the facility," the young girl says.
"I don't care," I say and she sighs.
"I'll be back in 10 to take it out," she gives up, leaving in defeat. The food remains. I stand up and push the tray to the opposite side of the room, against Sam's protests.
"You should be bed bound, Ev," he says and I roll my eyes.
"You weigh less than 75lb, you're 5"7 and 18! That's not ok!" I sigh.
"Sam, I don't care," I say before slinking back into bed and patting my dog.
"Fine..." He sighs.
"When do I get to pack?" I ask and he looks down, scratching his hand.
"They don't.... trust you to go home and pack..." I roll my eyes.
"Of course," He sighs.
"I got what you need. All of Summer's stuff and some hair and makeup stuff. Pillow, blanket and room decoration.
"My notebook?" He nods.
"Is jimmy coming to check in?" He shakes his head.
"Great," I pull my covers up to my chin angrily.
"At least tell me I have decent clothes?" I plead.
"You don't get to wear your own clothes here," I groan.
"This place sounds like hell," I mutter as the young nurse returns to take out my tube. I just let her silently, stroking Summer gently.
"I'm not going to recover, you know?" I say to nobody in particular.
"Why though, Ev? It's not like nobody loves you or cares because we all try to show you that as much as we can. You're not alone because you have our whole family surrounding you and attempting to save you and be here for you but you won't let us. We are trying to give you the best life we can but you refuse to accept it. Tell me why, please because it's killing me!" He cries out and I freeze, blinking in shock as the tube is pulled from my nose.
"Everything hurts," I simply state.
"It all hurts. Too much. I don't want to be alive. I hate myself. I-" I stop.
"I don't want to talk," I shut it all off.
"Fine," Sam gives up and we sit in silence. In the end, I just put my headphones back in and turn on my music again. I don't care.
"Everleigh?" I open my eyes and see Jack standing in front of me with Sam by his side.
"Hello," I say quietly.
"The transfer van is outside. We have a chair. We're taking you now I guess," I sigh and nod at Sam, calling Summer to my side. I stand up, phone in my pocket with one ear plug still playing my music as I walk towards the door however Jack stops me.
"You need to use your chair until you're at a more... safe weight," he says nervously and I just nod, sitting down quietly.
"Thanks," I shrug.
As we head down the halls, Sam takes my phone and instead hands me a small black iPod shuffle.
"You're not allowed any phones but I made sure they allowed your iPod because you need music," I thank him quietly.
"No problem,"
I sit in silence, my dog padding along beside me. Sam has put her in her red vest for me. I wonder if he checked the pockets. If not, I have at least one emergency razor blade hidden there. I resolve to shuffle it into the secret pocket when I'm in the van. We are nearing the entrance and when I see the shops, I ask for £20 to go in and get some snacks. The two are surprised however they allow me, waiting outside.
I rush in, heading up to the counter and asking for a pack of smokes and a lighter. The cheapest lot is £5 altogether and I just buy it quickly before singing as many cheap sweets as I can. I stuff the smokes down my bra with the lighter and put the snacks in w bag. Most of them are low calorie however even then I don't plan on eating anything. Hell no.
I stroll out of the shop and hand Sam £2 change. He thanks me and tells me to sit, waiting for me to eat. I sigh, opening a pack of crisps. He and jack both eat normally as I hold the bag, pretending to snack occasionally however not actually letting anything pass my lips. I do this with most of the snacks before I have to get into my space on the van. I groan, giving the rest of the food to the boys before standing and taking my dog bag from Sam. Apparently, the rest of my stuff was already at the clinic where he had dropped it last night. I nod before calling Summer to heel. Sam rushes over, wrapping me in his arms. I growl, pulling away and he frowns, hurt. Jack just smiles sadly, knowing he'll get the same response to a hug.
"We love you," he says and Sam nods.
"You have to get well... please," I shrug before turning away and boarding the van. I don't care. I sit down in silence, Summer tucking below my legs sadly. I don't care.
A young girl comes around to check everyone is sat and has seatbelts on properly. I do. She makes sure we're all okay however not many of the 6 of us on the bus say anything. Finally, with w cheerful grin, she sits in the driver's seat and starts the engine. With a groan, I close my curtain like everyone else, lean my chair back and close my eyes.
Everything hurts.
That's what I think when I wake up.
My chest.
My head.
My stomach.
My mind.
It all hurts.
"We're here," I hear someone say unenthusiastically.
"Great," I mutter, Summer looking up at me sadly.
"I'm sorry baby girl," I say as we get out and I take my seat in my chair. My dog bag goes on the back and I move inside the building with the rest of the scarily thin anorexia and bulimia patients.
A short introduction talk is held for the new patients with basic food rules discussed and leaflets stating them all handed out. I take one whilst huffing. A young nurse comes to pat me and Summer down and I let her however she does a bad job since she only brushes us down and doesn't even check Summer's pockets. I sigh.
"You'll settle in. I'll take you to your room. Bags are already there," her voice is bored and monotone. Bleak and miserable, just like the building. I notice this as we move through the halls. The dirty grey wall colour is depressing along with the whole hospital atmosphere. Even the room is horrible with a small dresser and a tiny bed without sheets. There is a small window that only opens a crack and there is no bathroom. To use it, you must go with a member of staff down the corridor and use the shared ones. You get 15 minutes in the shower each morning from 7-8am and breakfast is 8.30-10.30am followed by lessons for the younger ones or for me, free time until 12.00-2.00pm when we have lunch. At 2.30pm I have therapy for an hour and at 5.00 is group therapy until 6.30 when dinner is served until 8.30. At 9.00 the young ones go to sleep however us older kids get weigh in until 10.00 plus spare time and then we get sent to our rooms to 'sleep'.
I read all of this off of my little slip of paper labelled 'timetable' which was given to me by the depressing worker who had left instantly. I check the time on the digital clock in my room.
3.00pm.
I'm guessing therapy starts tomorrow so I use my spare time to unpack quietly. I take out my blue tac and instantly put up all of my posters and drawings in my bag on the wall before seeing my sketch pad and taking it, sitting down and opening it up to the page with my girl and wolf drawing. On the back is writing.
'Ev,
I love you so much. I'm sorry I didn't notice. You can get better. I'll see you soon,
whatsername x'
I blink, remembering the old nickname he called me when we were younger and for a second I feel bad until I think of him and my mood changes to angry. I just carefully peel the page put, displaying the artwork with my posters and finishing putting them up before moving to my pyjama's which I put into the middle drawer. When I open it I see a few sets of white trousers and shirts which I presume are our uniform. I take one out and place it on my bed, planning to change out of my hospital gown once unpacked fully. I then take out my duvet from the suitcase, throwing the double cover across the small bed along with my two pillows and my stuffed dog, Pips, who I had since I was 4. Dad won him for me at a funfair. I set him down carefully and take my makeup bag and pencil case out, placing them on the drawers along with my hairbrush. I take my cigarettes and use my blue tack to attach them and my lighter to the underside of my bed. Safe. I also take out two secret small bottles of vodka I had hidden in care of these types of emergencies in my hidden suitcase pocket. That goes down there too. I then slide the case below the bed and take my new clothing, stripping from my gown and sliding into the white t-short, white trousers and then the white hoodie. I also find a pair of cheap white trainers on the floor by the drawers too which I slide on with white socks from my top drawer. I'm so which that I practically look like fucking Casper the ghost. I sigh, sitting on the floor and taking out my diary which sits on my bed with the last two posters I didn't put up yet and my bi flag and fairy lights plus a couple of books. I write down the date.

Monday 23rd May 2019

Food: none

Total calories: none

Drink: bottle of water

Exercise: none

Other: I'm fat and I hate myself. I don't belong in this ward. All these people are so thin and are doing so well but I'm just a fat failure. I need to be thinner. I'm not going to eat. I swear I'm not.

"Everleigh?" My door opens and I place the book and pen on the bed, standing up slowly. Summer is asleep on her bed in the corner.
"How are you feeling?" I shrug.
"Do you want to talk?" I shake my head.
"Alright... well, my name is Marie. If you need me, I'm here," the woman in her mid 20's with straight black hair and crystal eyes smiles gently before shutting my door and leaving. I sigh.
"It'll be ok," I whisper to Summer who is now awake. She stands up and pads over to me. I take off her harness, leaving it on the floor at the end of my bed before letting her curl up on my lap and patting her slowly.
This was going to be a long next few weeks. I can tell.