Problem Kid

Chapter 21

When I wake up, I know I'm not in the car anymore. Instead I'm lying half on top of Jimmy in a large double sofa bed. My legs are over his and my arms are hugging him in a tight embrace whilst his gently hold me.
"Jim?" I whisper however he's asleep. I slowly slide out of his grasp, desperate for a wee. As I sit up, I look at a digital clock on a nightstand beside us that reads 3.30am. With a small sigh and rub of my aching forehead, I slide away and into the bathroom, bringing my toiletries bag with me. Thankfully, it's nearby in my open black suitcase so I can simply grab it and move across the hall into the small room. Summer follows me, sitting outside as I turn the light on and close the door, sliding the lock across.
"I miss you..." I whisper, staring into the mirror with tears in my eyes as I think of my Mum. I pee quickly before standing back up and taking a small blade from the bottom of my black toiletries bag and holding it to my arm. I know she wouldn't have wanted this but what else can I do? The struggle is too much. I choke on my tears, breaking down and falling to the bathroom floor where I sob into my arms. A small knock on the door makes me hide the blade before unlocking it meekly to see the young 11 year old Maya standing in the doorway. She sees me crying and wraps her arms around my crumpled body, joining me on the floor. She sits on my lap, ignoring my bare arms covered in the thick marks of my past. She's seen them multiple times the last 3 years and understands that I went through a rough time which means she is un-phased by seeing me short sleeves. As I think of this I notice I've been changed, presumably by Jimmy. I don't mind. He's seen me unclothed before, I mean, we've been together for 3 years and we're both over the legal age of sex so we have slept together, only twice though. I'm now in a pair of blue pyjama shorts with a white vest top with the writing 'I'm so sleepy' in blue cloud like writing. An animated image of a panda asleep in a tree is covering most of it. Maya snuggles closer to me as I sob into her fluffy air, her tears soaking my shoulder.
"It's ok..." she whispers and I feel so bad. I should be comforting her. My Ma was like another parent to her and yet this young child is comforting ME? I should be here for her.
"I'm sorry... I'm always gonna be here for you, Maya. You're like a sister to me and I love you. We'll work it all out. Promise," I whisper, though I don't know whether I'm trying to comfort myself or her anymore. With a small pat on her arm, I help her up and Summer stands from where she had sat at our feet before we'd moved.
"We should get back to bed. You look exhausted. Have you slept yet?" She shakes her head wearily and I lift her small frame up so her body is resting on my hip, my arm around her. After bending to pick up the toiletries bag, I walk back outside the bathroom and stop in the hallway.
"Can I sleep with you and Jimmy tonight, please?" The child whispers innocently into my ear and I nod.
"Of course," I walk into the spare room with her in my arms and settle her on the bed before putting my toiletries bag back into the suitcase and settling Maya in between me and Jimmy. I pat him to wake him and say what's going on before allowing us all to hug each other and fall back asleep eventually. But my sleep isn't good. I'm waking up constantly in a cold sweat, images of my mum and imagines of the accident flashing in my mind leaving me disturbed and hurt to the point that by the morning I had given up sleeping at all and instead I just rose from bed at 6.30am to see everyone else sleeping soundly. Summer wakes up with me, however, and we move to the kitchen. I open the fridge and begin taking out basic cooking ingredients. I've stayed over here so often after arguments with Mum and Jimmy that I have grown a member of the family and have grown to think of this place as a home.
Eggs,
Milk,
Bacon,
Sausages,
Black Pudding,
Hash browns,
Tomatoes,
Blueberries,
Strawberries,
Bananas.

I then go to the cupboards.

Flour,
Sugar,
Beans,
Syrup.

Finally, I take out some frying pans and pots and I'm ready.
First, I crack the eggs and beat them with some milk, a pinch of salt and some pepper before putting them into one pan to begin to cook. I then take one whole large tomato and chop it, throwing the small pieces in with the scrambled egg batter and mix it up a bit before putting bacon and black pudding into one frying pan and sausages with hash browns into another. I then fry 6 tomato halves and serve all of these items on 5 plates. Setting them at the table, I call everyone down and they smile in awe.
"That's great, Everleigh! Thank you love! You didn't have to do this," I attempt a smile which fails as Sam and Jack compliment me.
"Thanks guys," I whisper before mixing some flower, sugar and milk together in a jug. I add a bit of cream from the fridge and mix it, putting multiple small pancakes into the pancake moulds and cooking up two each before serving them plain on plates with the chopped bananas, strawberries and blueberries in separate bowls where I set them on the table. I then take out the whipped cream and syrup with sugar too before loading all of the dirty cooking equipment into the dish washer. Finally, I sit myself at the table where I've served myself a much smaller portion of food before groaning in realisation.
"I forgot the beans," I whisper, tears filling my eyes over such a pathetic thing
"Hey, it's ok. I didn't fancy beans anyway love!" Jimmy attempts to make me feel better and everyone agrees before thanking me for the breakfast. Everyone has pretty much finished their normal food so they move to their pancakes. I just cut my food into multiple small pieces, taking two bites of scrambled egg and one bite of pancake before rushing into the kitchen and throwing it all, tears in my eyes.
"I'm sorry..." I whisper and Jimmy shakes his head.
"It's ok," he understands. With a small nod, I go and let Summer in from the garden where she had been roaming. She instantly rubs against my legs and I pat her softly before excusing myself to get dressed. Once finally in my room, I open my suitcase and take out my scales and some clothes with my toiletries bag before taking them into the downstairs bathroom. I lock the door and turn on the shower, taking my pyjamas off and looking at the steady stream of water pouring down from the nozzle before I step into it. The warm water soothes me as it pours across my body. I take shampoo, working it int into hair gently before allowing t to be carried off by the indoor rainfall. Next, I condition my hair before leaving it in a soapy pile on my head and moving to my boy which I cover in soap and then out shaving foam on my legs which I shave first.  I then so my armpits and stare down at the blade in the bag. Do I want to? Yes. Should I? No. But am I? Yes. I cry as I watch the blood run from my stomach and thighs down the drain. I don't stop. My wrists. My arms, from my wrists to my shoulder, covered. My torso. Destroyed. My thighs, battered. The only deep ones lie on my arms but still, I groan in annoyance before I start to work on stopping the blood. After 10 minutes, I've finally calmed it down and I sob. It's been so long and yet I did it again. The day after my mum died, on my 18th birthday. I'm a failure. I sigh, getting out and drying my body before wrapping my arms in bandages at the most damaged parts on the wrists before I slide into some dark grey jeans with small red roses embroidered on the back and side pockets. I then put on a long sleeved black P!ATD top and a black FIR hoodie with the sleeves pulled down to my fingertips. I dry my hair slightly with the towel before brushing it and leaving it to air dry. With one final sigh at my reflection, I pick up the scales which I managed to avoid, and took them back to the suitcase along with my other used items. I then take my phone, slide it into my pocket and walk into the front room where I see piles of presents in the centre of the room surrounded by the people I call my family.
"Guys..." I whisper as they usher me closer.
"It's not a happy birthday and I know that but we still want you to have one so... here you go. We'll start it off with some presents, yeah?" I cry into my sleeve, thanking them repeatedly.
"Here, sit on the sofa, Ev! Open your one from me first!" Maya grabs my wrist and leads me over and I wince violently. Nobody notices except Sam who nods softly as I look away. I sit slowly, my waist and thighs aching at the stretching of my sliced skin.
"Ok, ok!" I fake laugh, my mouth still staying downturned.
"Here!" Maya drops the small item in my lap and I thank her, unwrapping the pink princess wrapping paper to reveal a small pandora box. I gasp, opening it to see a black leather band with a Stitch charm on it, a Mum charm and a Sister one. Tears fill my eyes.
"Maya, you didn't have to... thank you so so so much," I dry my eyes and hug her tightly.
"I saved up my pocket money! Daddy payed half though!" She pointed at Jack who I thanked too.
"Here's my two actually from me though, Ev," he hands me two bigger gifts which I thank him for and begin to unwrap. One is a new backpack for me and Sum. It's the newest TØP one from the latest released album, Trench. I thank him again before starting on the other gift.
It's a king size set of Andy Biersack bedsheets for Jimmy and I as I had joked a few months ago about wanting one. I walk over to Jack and hug him tightly, thanking him in a whisper before Sam gives me his three gifts.
"Oh Sam, you shouldn't have..." I whisper but he shakes his head.
"You're like a daughter to me, Ev. And Jimmy is like a son. You deserve it," he smiles at me and I nod back, unable to do the same.
The first box opens to reveal an iPhone box and I shake my head.
"Sam..." I open up the lid to reveal the beautiful new iPhone XR.
"You deserve it, Ev. Plus, my close friend is an Apple employee so he got me it pretty cheap. The sim is in there too by the way. 20g of data a month, unlimited texts and calls, hope that's ok?" I thank him with as much fake enthusiasm as I could muster.
"That's amazing, thank you so much!" I say before he urges me to open the next gift. I tear the black paper open and see an Emo Quartet phone case with FOB, TØP, P!ATD and MCR on it. I thank him again and open the final present from him, a red leash for Summer with a small heart pattern running up it and some patches that I could customise below. I thank them all before Jimmy turns to me.
"Open mine last. First, these are from Ma," I gulp and nod, tears filling my tired eyes.
The first gift was a beautiful silver watch with a picture of Me, Her and Jimmy at the beach last summer on the watch face. I turn away whilst the others chat to each other to slide it and Maya's bracelet on without being noticed.
Next, I have a few pairs of fluffy socks with cute animals on them.
Some new notepads and art supplies,
A few different Hot Topic clothes and wristbands,
Some new black studded boots,
A set of black headphones to replace my old and worn down ones,
A beautiful black dress that has semi-see through straps on the shoulders covered in small diamonds with a black sweetheart neckline, a corset type top half with ribbon at the back and a smooth, sparkly surface at the front before it flows down in a beautiful long skirt, a small train only a couple inches long at the back with a little button to tie it up with. I know instantly what it is.
"It's her prom dress," I whisper, my eyes watery.
"She wanted you to have it..." Jimmy whispers.
"Open the last one, baby," he places a hand on my knee as I do. Under the sparkling silver paper is a shoebox which I open to see some small gifts above the shoes. I open my mother's special prom necklace which is black with a moon pendant hanging off of it just below the collar bone area, two rings (one a black gemstone and one an infinity sign), and some black heart stud earrings along with a black flower bracelet. I place them in the shoebox again as I take out the beautiful heels. 5 inch black lace stilettos, a beautiful glitter pattern covering them. They are open toe and just beautiful with a small half inch platform. I remember the times I used to play in them as a small child and the fun I had however I shake myself out of it as Sam and Jack take my gifts into our room and place them on the bed for Jimmy to give me his.
"Ok so mine aren't big, they are in cards but I got 4 different ones so I hope you like them," I hug him.
"I love you," I whisper and as the others come back, eager looks on their faces, I open the first one.
"Panic! At The Disco... pray for the wicked tour! Oh Jimmy!" I smile weakly, falling into his chest. Although I look miserable still, he can tell I'm grateful.
"Next!" I open the next one.
"You got me BVB ones..." I gasp "a half hour meet and greet?!" I cling to him.
"Keep going," he grins.
"MCR... reunion tour! I never knew about this! Front row! I'm going to cry," I whimper before opening the last one.
"Twenty One Pilots standing barricade area + day with the boys WINNER?!" I turn to Jimmy.
"I entered a competition a while back..." I hug him, crying into his arms.
"Thank you baby," I whisper.
"It's ok love. They are all in four months so you've got time to rest, ok?" I nod, thanking him dearly and clinging to him.
It may be the worst birthday I've ever had to go through but I'm so glad I've at least got my wonderful boyfriend and most of my beloved family here with me, plus, let's not forget my service angel, Summer, who is attacking a bundle of wrapping paper like a puppy making everyone laugh and just the slightest smile play on my cheek for a moment. My baby.

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Yup, I cried editing this too

EDITED