The Lifeless Beauty of Gracefield [ray x f! reader]

idk the book is over so why not

hey. i've been looking at too many memes so here i am; giving you all the crack updates you all deserve. enjoy~

~~~
emma: someone's been bothering me, but i don't know how to confront them...

[y/n]: i'll hide the body

emma: Wait, that's not what i meant at all!

[y/n]: oh ok, i'll just do it myself then

emma: No you are not!

[y/n]: you're right... i'll have to ask ray..

emma: please don't..

[y/n]: norman does owe me a favor...

emma: wait don't bring norman into your plans!

[y/n]: alright, i mean, i'm pretty sure nat'll do it if i bully him enough...

emma: WHY ARE YOU LIKE THIS—

~~~

*[y/n] bleeding out in ray's arms*

Ray: What is your type, hurry!

[y/n]: b-black haired, tsundere, kuroo looking, gasoline lovers..

Ray, furiously blushing: what BLOOD type, idiot!

[y/n], looking down at her wound, then looking back up: red

~~~

emma: [pushing a door that clearly says pull]

[y/n], recording: try pushing harder, emma

~~~

Ray, sighing: jeez studying sucks, but i have to do it to pass my exams.

[y/n]: why pass your exams when you can simply pass away

~~~

[y/n]: birth certificates are just receipts for human beings

[y/n]: how and where do i return myself

~~~

Ray: i really hope you escape before you ship yourself out

[y/n]: i really hope you're not hopping too hard

~~~

[y/n]: if a stranger calls you princess in a flirtatious manner, all you have to do is use this new appointed power and have them beheaded.

~~~

[y/n]: pop quiz, norman, why can't dinosaurs clap?

Norman: because their arms are too small!

[y/n]: false. because they're all dead.

~~~

Norman: why don't you ever admit it when you're wrong?

[y/n], stirring her coffee: no, no. i like salt in it.

~~~

Emma: it's really frustrating how you have to wait like, 2 weeks before you can drink the milk after you buy it. i know you gotta wait for the date on the bottle, but like, why can't the store just sell the milk when it's ready??

~~~

Ray: I only take pictures of beautiful things

Norman: your camera roll filled with pictures of [y/n]?

Ray: Did. I. Stutter?

~~~

[y/n]: it costs hundreds of dollars to get a therapist; but it's completely free to just tell yourself, "it be like that sometimes"

Norman: i- no-

~~~

Ray, trying to flirt: h-hey i r-really like y-your name..!

[y/n]: thanks, i got it for my birthday.

~~~

[y/n]: i think i need back surgery

Norman: what-

Emma: WHYY

[y/n]: because my back's broken from carrying this escape.

~~~

Norman: [gently taps on table]

[y/n]: [taps back]

Don: What are they doing?

Ray, with an amused look on his face: Morse code

[y/n]: [aggressively taps on table]

Norman, in tears: [slams hands down on table] TAKE THAT BACK RIGHT NOW—

~~~

Norman: You need a hobby

[y/n]: i do have a hobby

Norman: Staring at Ray is not a hobby

[y/n]: yeah, it's a profession, and i excel at my job

~~~

[y/n]: i may be depressed, but at least i have coffee!

Norman: but you're still depressed..

[y/n]: yeah, but i have coffee.

Norman: but you're still depressed.

[y/n]: but i have coffee.

Norman: [y/n]—

~~~

Emma: How do i look!

Norman: Like cinderella!

[y/n]: ...before the bibbity bobbity boo.

~~~

fact that i will make true in this universe: [y/n] is god at pickup lines.

[y/n]: you wanna know my favorite tea? it's you, shawtea

Ray: I-

. . .

[y/n]: do you believe in love at first sight? or should i walk by again?

Ray: UM-

~~~

[y/n]: [hugs ray from behind]

[y/n]: [softly tucks ray's hair behind his ear]

[y/n], whispering: eat all the animal crackers again and we're done <3

~~~

that's it