A Court of Light and Melody

Chapter 14 - Scars You Hide

"When the pursuit of natural harmony is a shared journey, great heights can be attained."

- Lynn Hill

Song: I'm Gonna Stand by You - Rachel Platten

Finding Grisham did not prove to be as easy as Gwyn had presumed. When they visited the camp, they were informed by Grisham's commanding officer that he had not laid eyes on the male in the past week. He was said to be visiting his ailing mother. When they asked who the Illyrian Warrior typically kept for company, the officer had breezily said that Grisham was "well liked with many of the males." Gwyn politely inquired as to where Grisham's mother lived and the officer had simply said "in town" then excused himself.

When he stalked back to the training field, Gwyn felt her jaw drop in both puzzlement and surprise.

He had been less than accommodating, but somehow perfectly professional...

She looked at Azriel. "I am so confused..."

Azriel's lips were drawn in a tight line, his gaze still on the commanding officer. "He was being intentionally vague. Likely, because he was aware that I would know if he lied." The shadowsinger looked to Gwyn, eyes cold. "I'll return for him once this is all settled."

Nodding in agreement, Gwyn crossed her arms tightly, a cold wind whipped her cheeks. "So what now?"

"Now," Azriel said, casting a final glare at the commanding officer, "we try to track the bastards ourselves."

The sun was setting as Azriel and Gwyn started for the river where Alma and Harper were last seen.

Azriel had been silent most of the walk while Gwyn grumbled about how frustrating that commanding officer's behavior had been. She couldn't comprehend how someone could bear being so willfully dense. How the male could stand to be so unhelpful. It was disgraceful, and she even made Azriel promise to make the commanding officer say he was "sorry" for it when the time came.

"When he finds himself alone in a room with me, apologies will spill out of him," Azriel said solemnly. His eyes were distant as they weaved through the trees. "I have a reputation."

Gwyn kicked a rock further into the forest, the sound of the river growing louder. "What sort of reputation?"

The shadowsinger was silent for a moment. Gwyn looked at Azriel, eyebrows raised as she prompted him to continue. She saw his throat bob and a familiar expression cross his face.

It was the same one Gwyn had worn in the guest room when she'd told Azriel that she was dangerous. The look that had prompted him to come and visit her in the library, concerned that she thought poorly of herself. The one he'd addressed just before they'd left for Windhaven. She saw his hand drift to the hilt of Truth-Teller as it had a few times today.

"Do you know what a Spymaster does?"

"Procures useful information?" Gwyn surmised.

His voice was hesitant. "Yes. But sometimes one must take certain measures to get that information."

Her mouth popped open. "I see..."

"I have..." he trailed off. Then, quietly, "Many suspects survive interrogations by lying through their teeth until they are freed. They leave with a minimal amount of injuries, their sanity somewhat intact... But with me... well, with me, lying does no good."

There was a knot in Gwyn's stomach. Not so much to do with whatever dark deeds the shadowsinger had done, but more at how sad he sounded about them.

The priestess also felt a swell of guilt, because beneath that knot of worry there was a sense of comfort. It was nice to know that she wasn't alone in convincing herself she wasn't a monster. Azriel battled the same demons as her. And he was strong, capable and kind. He overcame that dark side of himself. She knew it. She saw it every day.