An inconvenient attachment

Chapter 49

"Why don't we play truth, dare?" Pierre asks later on in the night, I honestly have no clue what time it is. Pierre joined us when we just finished dinner. "Because it's for little kids" Max says slightly annoyed, while rolling his eyes. "Not the way I play it. When you don't want to answer or do the dare, you drink" Pierre explains. "I'm in" I say, anything to forget for a moment. Max sighs, "ok, fine. Pierre, truth or dare?"

"Dare" Pierre answers. "Eat five spoons of mayonaise" Max laughs. Pierre chuckles and takes a shot. "Ok, my turn. Mia, truth or dare?"

"Truth" I answer. Some people say choosing truth is the easy way, but I don't really give a shit. "What are your top three turn-ons?" Pierre asks.

"Wouldn't you like to know" Max jokes. "Uhm, confidence, good banter and sweet" I answer honestly. Then I take a shot. "When you answer the question you don't have to drink" Pierre says. "I know" I say as I shrug my shoulders. "My turn, Max, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?" I ask. "No" Max says.

"Pierre, truth or dare?"

"Truth" Pierre answers. "Do you have a crush on someone?" Max asks. Pierre looks a bit angry at Max and then quickly takes a shot. Max looks at me and starts laughing. I raise my eyebrows, not knowing what he finds so funny. "Mia, truth or dare?"

"Truth."

"What happend between you and your ex boyfriend?" Pierre asks. As soon as Pierre asks that Max punches him in his stomach. "Auw, what did you do that for?"

I take a shot. "I'm going to get some more" I say as I walk towards the kitchen, almost stumbling over my own feet. "You're such an idiot" I hear Max say as I walk off.

"I think i'm done playing this game" I say when I come back. "Yeah, me too" Max says. A few moments later there's a knock on the door. "Who's that?" I ask. Max shrugs his shoulders and walks over to the door. "Charles" Max says surprised, "come in!"

"He! I didn't know you were in Milan" I say when Charles joines us. "Yeah, for business. Then I saw Pierre's story on instagram and thought I'd join. Didn't want to miss the fun" Charles jokes. "What story?" I ask. Charles takes out his phone and shows it to me and Max. It's a photo of all the booze and our legs on it. People probably won't recognize me, but Max on the other hand. Max sighs. "Oops, didn't know I posted that" Pierre says as he quickly deletes it, but it's too late anyway. I look at my phone, which has been on silent for the whole night, and see I have a few missed calls from Lando. Fuck. "You really are an idiot" I say, I meant to sound jokingly, but it doesn't come off that way. I put my phone away. I see Max looking at me, but he doesn't say anything.

The mood lightens up quickly after that. I ignore my phone, Charles caches up on some drinking, Max and Pierre are joking together. "So, listen. If I punch myself, and it hurts. Am I then super strong, or weak?" Pierre asks seriously. He probably had a few drinks too many. "Strong" Charles says while nodding his head. "No. Weak" Max corrects him. I burst out laughing. "A dumbass is what you are!"

"Shut up" Pierre says, jokingly giving me a slight push. Max looks a bit angry. I give him a look, like asking him what his problem is. Before he can answer his phone rings. "It's Lando" he says. Before I can say anything Max picks up the phone. "Hi" he says. I don't hear what Lando is saying, but judging the look on Max his face, it's not good. "Oh sorry, yeah, her phone died and she forgot her charger" Max lies. I really should thank him sometime, he lied for me on a couple occasions now. Charles looks confused. "Yes, sure" Max says as he hands the phone to me. I take it and walk towards the hallway.

"Mia, are you there?" Lando asks.

"Hi" I say, trying to hold my voice together. I don't know why, but hearing his voice brings me back. Back to everything that happend. Which I tried so hard to forget tonight, and successfully. Back to how I felt after the attack, and back to how safe I felt in his arms.

"Are you ok? I was worried when you didn't pick up your phone."

"Yes i'm fine, I forgot it at home" I say. "I thought your battery was dead" Lando says, I hear in his voice that he's trying to hold it together, just like me. "Yes, that's what I meant, I left my charger at home" I stumble over my words. "Ok" he says. There's a short silence between us. "I'm not drunk" I say, wanting to defend myself. "I didn't say you were."

"I'm doing good, i'm ok" I say, wanting him to believe me. "I know" Lando says.

"When will I see you again?" I aks, trying to change the subject. I know, I know I should create some space, but I can't. Not right now. Not when I need him the most. "I'll come friday night, ok?" Lando says. I nod. "Are you nodding your head again?" Lando asks, softly chuckling. "Yes, sorry" I say. It happend more then once that I nod my head while i'm on the phone, and forget to answer. "See you friday, love" Lando says. "See you friday."

When I hang up and join the guys I pour myself another drink. Charles is telling some story about his karting days. With a gesture of his hands he hits my glass, liquor pouring all over me. "Oh my god, i'm so sorry. I was being clumsy " Charles says. "It's fine" I say, trying to hold my shirt from touching my skin. Pierre quickly takes his sweater off. "Here, you can wear this" he says while handing me his sweater. "Thanks Pierre" I say. "You can change in my room" Max says, pointing to the hallway. I hear Max saying something to Pierre as I walk off. I don't hear what he says, but his tone isn't nice.

I open a few doors, trying to find Max his room. Holy shit this place is big. When I open the last door it is finally his bedroom. I open a door which I assume will lead into his bathroom and close it behind me. The bathroom is huge. Mirrors everywhere. I hate looking in the mirror, but in this bathroom it's unavoidable. I take of the shirt and look in the mirror. I turn a bit, so I can see my back. It's all blue and purple. Holy fuck. I take a few steps back, until my back touches the wall. I feel like i'm back there. Noah standing in front of me.

I have no where to go. No one to help me. My breathing fastens. I feel it coming. A panic attack. And the worst thing is, that I feel it coming, and can't do anything about it. I let myself slide down. I pull up my knees to my chest, trying to focus on my breaths, just like I learned. But it only makes it worse, I feel like I'm slowly drowning. I can't breath. My hands start to shake. My heart feels like it's going to jump out of my chest. I try to gasp for air, but no air is coming in.