An inconvenient attachment

Part 2: Chapter 1

"So, it's really over between you guys?" Charlotte asks. We sit down in the cafe I love. I haven't spoken to Lando much, it has been a few weeks actually. Well, I haven't spoken to anyone much. Lando seems ok though. I watched his stream yesterday, maybe I shouldn't have. He did look tired, but so am I. It was nice to see him again though, it has been a while.

"I don't know" I say, shrugging my shoulders, "I do miss him a lot." I sigh. "It's just that, no matter how hard I try to make him happy, in the end it's never good enough. I always end up hurting him and him me."

"Maybe that's the problem" Charlotte says. I look at her confused. "What do you mean?"

"Maybe the problem is that you try to make him happy, when you're not even happy yourself. You can't let your happiness depend on someone else" she says. "I'm happy" I defend. Charlotte gives me a look which says 'bitch, really?'

"Ok, sometimes" I say, leaning back in my chair. Maybe I just became too good at pretending to be ok, that it began to feel real. "Its ok not to be ok, you know that right? Sometimes you just need a bit of time to figure things out. A lot happened in a short amount of time."

I nod my head. I think admitting to myself I'm not really ok is a huge step. "So about something a bit more exciting, I heard the news about you possibly getting a permanent spot at the school in Milan?" Charlotte says, trying to cheer me up. "Yes, they offered me a spot for my last year. If I accept I even get to choose if I want to do an internship in Milan or Monaco, they have a few connections there" I explain, forcing out a smile. "Oh my god, imagine if you'd move to Monaco! We'd be so close! That's great!" Charlotte says. When she sees my face she quickly adds, "right?"

"It is great. It's just.. a lot of money. Which I don't have" I hate to admit this. It's kind of embarrassing. "I can lend you the money" Charlotte kindly offers. I shake my head. "That's very kind of you, but I can't. I won't." Max already offered to pay my tuition, said it's no big deal. It's true that it's not a big deal for him, but it is to me. It wouldn't feel right to take money from him, or anyone else in that matter.

"So, what now?" Charlotte asks. "I don't know. Go home probably or hope for some kind of miracle" I say. "And where is home exactly?" Charlotte asks. I know what she means. She knows I mean 'go home to my parents', but that doesn't feel like home anymore. I don't know what does. Home has been with Lando lately, and now that he's gone. I shake my head. I don't want to think about him now, or I might start crying again.

"This school gets lots of donations, they pay the school fees and housing of four lucky students. I applied, but the chances I'll get one is about two percent" I say, not sounding hopeful at all. "When do you hear if you got one?" she asks. "I don't know. Next week probably. Kate still hasn't rented out my room. She thinks I will get the scholarship" I shake my head, knowing the chances are small. "Who knows, maybe you'll be lucky."

The next few days go by really slow. Charlotte had to fly back to Monaco. I sit on the couch and watch some movies. This is so not how I imagined my summer vacation to go. I grab my laptop to see if I heard anything back from the restaurants I applied for, as a waiter. It's what I used to do back home, I was actually pretty good at it. If I'm going home soon this will not have mattered, but if I get to stay I need a job.

Addison was supposed to come last week, but she canceled. Her grandma was very sick. Luckily she's doing better now, so she'll visit me in a few days.

I almost jump when my phone rings. Jesus, that's loud. "Hi" I say as soon as Max his face appears on my screen. "You look like shit" he says. "Thanks, nice to see you too" I say as I roll my eyes. "So, how is your vacation?"

"Great" I say as I turn the camera, showing the liquor and movie. "You badass" he says sarcastically. "You know me, always the badass."

"So, what do you want to do this weekend?" Max asks. "Hmm?"

"This weekend. What do you want to do?"

"Yes, I heard you the first time. I just have no clue what you're talking about." Just when I said that I get an email from an airline. "Max, what did you do?" I click on the link. It's a ticket for Monaco for this Friday. And an open ticket back, which can be used whenever. "You think you can just ignore me for three weeks and not visit? I would visit you, but we all know Monaco is nicer" he says, clearly finding himself very funny. "Max, that's very nice. But you didn't have to do that. I can pay for my own ticket" I say, both knowing that's not entirely true. "Oh shut up" Max says. He doesn't like to talk about money. I guess that's one of the perks of being an millionaire. "Well, that's settled than, see you tomorrow!" Max says before he hangs up. Fuck, tomorrow is Friday. I better go and pack my bags.