An inconvenient attachment

Chapter 50

"Mia?"

I hear a sound in the distance, someone calling my name. My throat feels tight and I feel like I might throw up. I think I'm going to pass out.

"Mia, are you ok?" A voice says again. Max I think, or Charles. I'm not sure. Breathe Mia, just breathe. There's another knock on the door. "Ok, I'm coming in, get away from the door." I try to say something, but nothing is coming out. Suddenly the door flies open with force. I don't even flinch. I'm not even sure what's going on right now.

"Mia, are you ok?" Pierre says when he sees me sitting there. I look at him. His face looks shocked. My hand is touching my throat. "I.. I.. can't. Breathe" I know how to bring out.

"What's going on here?" Max says as he enters the bedroom. "Mia! What the fuck?" Max says when he sees my face. "What do I do? She can't breathe" Pierre says. I feel his eyes on me. I flinch when is hand touches my shoulder. He quickly pulls away.

"You're having another panic attack" Max says, "grab her some water". Max now notices that Pierre is watching me and not even paying attention on what he's saying.

"Fuck off if you're not going to help" Max says, pushing Pierre out of the bedroom and slamming the door shut in front of Pierre's face. Well, that's rude. Max grabs a towel and puts it over me. I forgot I'm still in my bra. I couldn't be bothered.

"I'm drowning."

"No you're not. Just breathe. You're going to be fine" Max says, trying to comfort me. He kneels down in front of me. I shake my head. He doesn't know what this feels like. Feeling like you can't breathe, like you're dying.

"Just breathe with me. In and out."

I hate it, but I do what he says. "It will pass. You are going to be fine."

After some time of breathing together I feel myself getting calmer. "See, you're fine" Max says.

"How did you know that?" I ask. "My sister used to have them. I knew you have them from time to time."

"How?"

"Lando is also my friend. I mean, sometimes I talk to him" Max says sarcastically. I sigh. "What happened?" Max asks. "I.. I" tears stream down my face as I try to talk. "It's ok. I think I know" he says. I let myself fall forward a bit, my head resting on his shoulder. I cry uncontrollably now.

I feel Max his eyes burning on my back. "What the fuck" he says before he can stop himself. When I calm down a bit Max softly grabs my shoulders, pulling me back so I look at him. "It's ok to be sad. What happened to you is fucked up. But Mia, you shouldn't waste your tears over that dick."

I nod, still softly crying. Max helps me up. I pull the t-shirt over my head. "You should get some sleep" Max says. I nod. I grab my phone to call a taxi. "You can sleep here. I have multiple rooms. I'll drive you home tomorrow. Here, you sleep here" he says while softly pushing me towards the bed. When he sees me doubting he continues. "Really it's fine. I haven't slept here yet. I'll take another room."

I lie down. As Max walks away I turn around. "I feel like I'm drowning."

Max turns around for a second. "I know."

"Don't tell Lando, he'll worry" I say before Max closes the door.

That night I sleep horrible. I keep tossing and turning. The next morning I spent with Max, watching some series he likes. I hate it. Too much violence and murder, but he seems to like it. The next few days we actually hang out a lot. Max works a lot, but when he has time we are chilling together. I don't feel like he's babysitting me anymore. I'm starting to think he actually likes hanging out with me. I also went back to school on Friday. The weekend I spent with Max, Pierre and sometimes I hang out with Kate. Lando was supposed to come on Friday. But he had too much to do. He felt really bad, but we facetimed every night.

"How was your day, babe?" Lando asks on the phone on Sunday night. "Yes, fine. How was yours?" I say as I let myself fall backwards on my bed. "Good. Got a lot of things done" Lando says. "I watched Max his stream tonight."

"What did you think?"

"You guys are funny together. I really liked it" I say.

"Thanks. You sound better."

"I feel better" I say, not lying this time, "I miss you."

"I'm coming on Tuesday" Lando says. "Really?" I jump up out of excitement. "Yes, I wanted it to be a surprise but I'm horrible at keeping secrets" Lando says, laughing on the phone. Suddenly there's a loud sound coming from Lando's side. "What happened?"

"Ugh. My shirt fell" Lando groans. "It sounded a lot heavier than that" I reply. "Yes," he says, "I was wearing it."

"You are such an idiot, are you ok?" I laugh.

"You love it" he jokes. "I do."

"Soo. About Monaco next weekend. Are you coming with me?" I hear the doubt in his voice. Like he doesn't really want to ask me yet. "Lando, I.. I can't" I stumble over my words. "Why not? Are you scared? I'll make sure he can't go to another race ever again" Lando says.

"It's not that. Well, it is. But I don't think we should talk about this over the phone" I say. "No way" he says, he sounds panicky. "No fucking way, you're not breaking up with me!" He almost yells now. "Lando calm down, I'm not breaking up with you" I say, not lying this time. Not when I figured out a plan to keep Noah away. But I don't want to talk about it through the phone. "Ok. Because you can't do that you know" Lando says.

"What?"

"Break up with me. You can't do that. Not after.." he doesn't finish his sentence. "Not after what?"

"Not after everything we've been through, what you've been through" Lando says softly. I sigh, not really knowing what to say.

"You deserve to be happy" Lando says. I know that. But he also deserves to be happy. And a very small part of me wonders. Wonders if he wouldn't be happier without me.

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