Secretive - Bucky Barnes

22 || Steps and Retreats

[Nova]
Steve and I are back three days after we left the tower. I still did not get my phone, so no one actually has been able to contact me during the mission, including James. I know he would try, I know he is waiting back at the tower for my arriving, but the last Seventy-Two hours only manifested my decision. In order to save him, I need to get my heart back, or else I would be of no use. It is either making his life worth living, or staying with him and watching him falling into the devil's blade. The choice has been easy, is easy, whenever I think about it.

I got some time thinking about my parents, too. About their death. I even got to watch some livestream of their funeral on Steve's phone, the German government thanking for services, the chancellor and president speaking their condolences, two seats in the front row staying free, people missing.

Jonas's and mine.

When they got to the part of promising to find the killer, even if it was one inside the walls of the Callan family, I turned it off and walked to knock on Steve's room to hand him is phone back.

I would not say I was not sad about the fact they passed, or about Hydra having killed them to get to me. A couple of the people in the hall of the funeral seemed pretty suspicious to me, like waiting for my entering, ready to get their hands on me every second. But surprise, Shawty, I have not appeared. And even if I did know before, I would not have attended the feast. I broke with my parents short before their deaths, and it is nothing I regret in the least. They technically killed my brother. And I have nothing left to say to them, left unsaid from my recent visit. I do not care if they braise in hellfire with my last words being to back off from me. Although there had been a lot of happy memories, the thing they never granted one to my older brother dropped like acid on them, erasing every smile out like a rubber would.

With Steve mostly keeping his distance, I got enough time to collect myself. I barely talked to anyone else, either, with him being the one to give records of our results. As soon as the blonde elaborated our mission, I knew Chloe would have left hints. I knew she wanted us to clear up the fog from the families, and so we did. More calmly, though, emphasizing our hard try to free the soldiers, the loved people, to make them come back again for good. Knowing the latter was a lie, or almost. Maybe, if it works with James, I actually could heal other people, too. But therefore, I need to start this whole thing as soon as possible.

The loud propelling of the helicopter atop our heads subsides slowly when it finally lands on the spot of Stark's landing platform. Steve and I get out, our hair chaotic from the wind up here, taking our belongings with us and heading for the elevator. The silence between us is no awkward one, and one more time, I appreciate his efforts to give me all the space and time I need, just like he did since I first entered the tower.

»Guess I'm seeing you tomorrow?« he asks, a soft touch to his voice when he arrives in front of his room's door. It is closer to the elevator than mine, not that my first destination was my sleeping place anyways.

»I'm holding up to that running bet.« I say, swinging my index finger next to my head and giving the hint of a smile. It has been hard to be humorous recently, hard to smile or laugh in general, but he tried over and over again. Either with pulling stupid faces, being sarcastic or randomly throwing a joke into a silent car ride of ours. Seemingly, it worked. Little progress still is progress.

»Tomorrow it is. Be ready to lose.« he blinks, lighting his room before wishing me a good night and closing the door.

Swallowing, I force my heartbeat down and push the adrenaline back where it came from. I know he is up, the only one actually still being up with us having three in the morning already. The tingle in my stomach is enough to tell me about his presence, just in the opposite room.