Oxymoron [ Completed]

Unfinished Business

I don't know which emotion was more evident, confusion or anger but I was definitely feeling both. Boys have an interesting way of making their way into your life once you're happy. After causing all their havoc and chaos, they leave then you began to repair yourself and then they come back again. 

I walked toward his car and stood in front of him as he stared at me in awe. I folded my arms in annoyance already tired of his presence before me.

"I-I'm sorry but I'm surprised." He finally mustered up to say.

"Surprised how? You came looking for me, D.J." I rolled my eyes, looking everywhere except him before he began speaking again.

"When did you start calling me D.J ?" He asked with hurt burning in his eyes that I didn't give a fuck about.

"When you became no one special. Just some ordinary person that inhales the air that I exhale." I said coldly.

 I admit that was harsh but he put me through so much and he expects me to greet him with open arms and I shouldn't. People don't get to decide to hurt someone then be offended when the hurt person is upset.

"I'm not going to stand here and act like that didn't hurt because it did. But I'm also not going to stand her and act like I didn't deserve it either.

"So now after 3 and a half years you realize that you're a dumb arrogant cunt that doesn't care about anyone's feelings except your own ?!" I shouted angrily.

"I actually been realized it. I was just scared to face you and admit that I was just as hurt as you were when we stopped talking. I was scared to tell you that I felt the same way you did. I was scared of rejection." He explained. I couldn't help but giggle at that but no amusement was behind it.

"D.J, why would you think I would reject you of all people ? Do you not remember what our relationship was back then? "

"Because I was and am stupid and I thought you were playing games like I was."

"Finally some truth." I mumbled under my breath.

"Do you know what my favorite memory was ?"

"What?"

"When we were finished with our class work and we went to sit in the corner and we just held hands talking." He smile at the memory staring out the ground like it was playing on the driveway pavement like a movie. After a thoughtful silence I spoke breaking him out of his trance.

"You know what my favorite memory was?" I rhetorically asked.

"Was the day I was out of class the whole day because of this test and didn't come back til the last class of the day and when you saw me you said you missed me. That was my favourite day because I was thinking the whole 6 months we weren't talking you had to miss me because you missed me only after a couple hours. For the whole time we weren't talking, did you even miss me?" 

"At first, no. But after the second week of us not talking, I really did miss you. If you were to ask Juan and Cameron how bad I was, you'd  understand. And having you in most of my classes surely didn't help. I wanted to tell you everything that happened to me but I couldn't."

"I didn't blame you for not talking to me because I made that whole mess. But how come after we were back friends, you got all lovey dovey ? Beforehand, we were just best friends."

"Because after not talking to you made me realize that I didn't want to lose you again."

"But you ended up losing me again anyway. But you know you didn't lose me in the same way. We didn't end on bad terms. It was just a loss of contact but it isn't like we couldn't have talked again. Why didn't you choose to contact me again ?"

"Why didn't you ?" He quickly shot back.

"That right there is exactly why. You're too stubborn. And I am too but after everything that happened between us, I just thought it wasn't worth it anymore. And what would we have talked about ?"

"Anything ! We were best friends at one point and you know that conversation would of have been the least of our worries.But what do you mean not worth it ?"

"Because we would talk then stop talking because the next day neither of us would want to initiate the conversation first. Us being stubborn once again." I reiterated.

"Can I see your phone ?" He asked hanging out his hand. I cautiously handed him my phone eyeing him. I continued to stand idly as I watched him put his number in. I heard his phone beep as he handed my phone back. I looked at my phone and seen that he messaged himself saying I forgive you.

"You know I actually forgive you ?"

"So what does that make us now ?"

"People that once knew each other that loss contact and now occasionally talks."

"Fair enough. So who is Stitch with all those hearts next to it?"

"My boyfriend."

"Obviously, but who?" He asked, rolling his eyes.

"Jaylen." There was so many emotions flashing in his eyes. Shock, hurt, anger, sadness, and utter disappointment.

"I better go. You obviously have a place to be." He said with a sad sigh.

"You know if this conversation would've came earlier, I wouldn't resent you so much ?"

"I know. I wouldn't resent myself so much either."

"Bye D.J." I said beginning to walk away.

"When can you call me by my real name again?"

I slowly turned shrugging. I already knew my answer but he looked so defeated , I didn't want to overwhelm him with hurt today. He deserved me talking to him this way but as I have matured, this isn't changing the past but it will structure the future.

"When you show me you deserve to be my friend again."

"But you said you forgave me?"

"I did. But forgiving you only takes away the weight of resentment and hate. No one should live with hate in their hearts because that's destructive. I need to take this friendship one step at a time. A leap is a little too much for me right now."

He nodded silently waving goodbye. 

I waved and watched him pull off. I let out a sigh I didn't realize I was holding. I hopped in my car and drove away. It was a silent 15 minute drive. I've waited for that conversation for nearly 4 years. It feels like everything that has been bottled up has been released. I was shocked of how well I stayed calm. I thought I would call him all sorts of things but I guess after waiting so long you have time to calm and change your approach on things.

Growth.