Oxymoron [ Completed]

Untitled Part 11

"Do you always toss and turn in your sleep?" Daniel asked as were walking off the plane heading to baggage claim.

"Yes and no. It's hard to sleep with a sore shoulder." I said making an excuse.

"Why do you lie to me?" He said sighing squinting as if he was really searching for the answers ahead.

"Because..........." I paused trying to make an excuse which was not coming along too great."I mean like, you know I've never been the one that was in touch with her feelings I guess you can say. After what happened, I desensitized myself to feel sad or hurt. I guess my mind isn't when I'm asleep." I said honestly.

"Finally some truth." He muttered under his breath not succeeding in hiding it from my hyperactive ears.

"Cheyenne how long have we known each other?"

"For like 4 years. This is counting the years we didn't communicate."

"And out of that time you've always been head strong but this is just dumb." He said with a little chuckle at the end.

"As a student that has a 3.8 GPA and had scholarship offers in their junior year, I don't feel that way." I retorted feeling very offended.

"You can be book smart and street smart all you want but if you're not healthsmart then you might as well not count that."

"And that is because ?"

"The mind controls everything in your mind, correct?"

"Yeah." I said questioning where this was leading to.

"If that isn't in good shape how is it going to work effectively? See what you need to understand is that since you're choosing not to deal with sadness and that makes the situation worse because you bottle it up in your mind and heart and one day the bottle hits overload and cracks. When it cracks it will never be perfectly fixed and as strong as it used to be. That bottle represents your mind and your heart. So why not gradually empty it before it cracks?" He said as we made it to baggage claim.

"Look, I want to. I really want to just sit there and cry and bawl my eyes out but I physically can't. I can't let emotions come out of me like normal people can. That there in itself shows that I'm weak." I expressed with my hands.

"You're not weak because you can't cry." He paused."You're weak because you choose to not cry." 

"How so?" 

"Cheyenne it was really hard for me to not cry when that happened. Like you, I desensitized myself from crying or anything that correlated to sadness. But the difference between me and you is that I knew how healthy it was for me to let my emotions before destroying myself so I tried to make myself cry. Yeah it starts off fake but when you start, your emotions come out. Then you get to the real stuff." He said grabbing our bags starting to walk to the main entrance.

"As smart as you're sounding you missed one key point. There's ways you can get your emotions out. Although, I did say I was weak for not being able to cry, I am smart for getting my emotions out whether it's crying or fighting it gets out. But I will say that it builds up more than it breaks out. So trying to counsel me your way is not going to help me in my situation." I said getting a little annoyed.

"I'm not attacking you and it's sad that you will think that way. I'm simply saying that you need to open up to your feelings instead fighting them. Just because you're a badass and know how to fight doesn't mean you can fight everything that you're against. Admit it to yourself that the Great Cheyenne is human. Time to act like a human instead of a monster." 

"But aren't we all monsters? Isn't that what makes us different is the things that makes a monster? You can call me a monster all you want but in reality you're one too. Everyone are afraid monsters so they don't get close. They farther away the less close they are to hurting me. The difference between me and you is that I embrace my monster and you don't. If anything, I'm being true to myself." I said putting my bag into the back seat of my sister's car. I gave him one quick glance before getting in the car.

"What's wrong?" Selena asked.

"Other than what happened earlier, he got under my skin as usual." I said as I let one tear fall before she sped off.

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Ellooo !! This was, I don't even know. This isn't the original chapter in the book. I just wrote this right now while watching The Fosters. (First time watching/on Netflix.) I think I'm not going to go strictly off from the book anymore so let's see where this goes. Also just for a notice, this is based off things that has happened to me but names are changed. And all the other events never happened. The backstory with Deshawn is based off me irl and the main character's personality too. That is all folks. Bye Lovelies. xx