Her untold story

6/12/21

Hello readers,

Its been a while since I have blogged and oh my god so much happened and I honestly can't believe all that has happened and how fast it occurred things freaking suck so much right now like I just don't understand some things right now and I will state below what has come of this time.

1. Me and my now ex-boyfriend broke up because it wasn't fair I felt as if I wasn't in a relationship and although I understood why he was distant, he was being extra distant for no reason.  I just thought he was sleeping a lot in order to feel better  but turns out I was wrong and wow to my surprise he was distancing himself from me and it really angers me due to the facts that it wasn't like he was alone like I had his back the whole time checking on him everyday and wow the worst part is he left me when I needed him I only asked for one thing and he decided to break up with me on a day before one of the biggest days ever I was so angry and the night prior before break up marked a year of the passing of someone very special to me and I was crying I just wanted comfort from my love and like I understand that he may not be there for me at every waking moment but when I told him and he finally answered I expected a conversation but instead it was two words and he left me for hours and hours mind you that only happened at around 6 am and he only text e back 8pm lol and he didn't say shit relating to what I was texting him about just imagine the heartbreak I felt that day I was so over it like you have got be freaking kidding and wow when he said he didn't even fall asleep all of that time he could have been comforting ,something shattered in me. Last night was such a hard night I just cried and cried and ended up throwing up in my hands and gasping for air it was the worst experience I have ever experienced with break up and wow, to be honest, I am happy it's better now than later like how you decide to leave someone after like a whole year of being involved with someone talking about you deserve better like if someone accepts you for your flaws and willing to stand by your side through it all you don't suppose to say dumb shit as you deserve better like wow fuck you so freaking disrespectful and unappreciative. I can't wait to see him when I go to Spain again so he will see how much I bossed the fuck after his bullshit breakup like is all good at this point it is and I know I may cry again but I am a strong ass girl and I can get over shit and I will get over this and become better and that's a manifestation that has already begun. One thing I will never say about our relationship though it wasn't perfect at times I feel as if it was worth it and I will never regret choosing him and being with him because what we had was very beautiful and I don't hate him for how he ended things or hate him for any reason I have decided not to be the person to hate people maybe dislike but hate is too strong and I don't have it in me to do so but I wish for him more healthy days and that he finds happiness, peace, love within himself because lol everyone deserves to be loved after all.

2. I have so much pressure for my book I need to speak to my dad about starting to put it together because time is ticking and the last thing I want to do is not accomplish my goal with my book  I don't have the energy of something else in life not going as planned at the moment.

3. School wise I did my SAT and lol it was very challenging I didn't know what I was doing on many parts of the test but I have Yah (God) by my side so I know whatever the results maybe it will be okay and that there is a reason as to why the results are what they are.

lol so far life has been okay I guess just very unexpected turns but that's kind of expected at the same time so it will be okay like I previously stated Yah is by my side and that's all that matters I am very much loved by the highest and his love is what I need and all I need. I have to remind myself to breathe so much because it's just so much going on and I feel so Bi polar with emotions its such a roller coaster but I will be able to steer this ride in a few, I will put all of my emotions into my writings and create a masterpiece with time things will fall into place and Yah (God) will make more sense of why I needed to go through all of this now .lol silently screaming is when I know I hit rock bottom and my god I hit hard lol but it's all good it is.

LIFE LESSON: LIFE IS SO FUNNY NEVER BE SET ON ONE THING, ALWAYS THINK OF DIFFERENT WAYS A SITUATION CAN GO BECAUSE IT REALLY CAN SWITCH UP ON YOU AS THE FAMOUS SAYING SAYS; " WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES ANOTHER OPENS ". EVERYTHING IN LIFE WILL BE PUT INTO PLACE ONE DAY YOU JUST HAVE TO BE PATIENT AND STRONG TO  FINISH SOAKING  FOR THE STORM WILL BE OVER SOON.

P.S I can't wait to look back at this a month from now and see how I have truly grown from this situation because I know I will lol.

Look out for my book it will be coming out on January 1st 2022. 

PEACE AND BLESSINGS,

ALWAYS REMEMBER THE NAME NBSY, WHERE LOVE COMES FIRST.