Her untold story

3/11/22

Hello readers,

I am trying my best to journal every week because I want to look back and see my growth and where I was at that time.

YOO I am currently on an emotional roller coaster wow lol and I don't even know why my period hasn't come for six months I don't know what's up with that but whatever I guess lol.

Something happened that made me think a lot about myself and decisions that I have made more like questioning myself. What happened was I had texted someone I once cared about lol ok wait that sounds cold lol someone I was emotionally attached to and he completely blew me off and said and I quote :" Who the fuck are you lol, I don't know what you talking about ". Now let me just say this that hurt really hurt; when he said that and especially in caps like why are you exaggerating and lying knowing you will hurt my feelings which really sucks. That one message led to so many thoughts like are you freaking kidding me is first and the second thought is was this even real or was it just a joke to him I don't know but sometimes it feels like so many things are just to good to be true.

In my heart it feels like all was real but then its like what the fuck is going on here, Meeting people online is tricky but now I am second guessing myself with everything that we had or even my relationships with other people. I hate being fucked over when all I do is pour in positivity and love into people lives.

This is teaching more than I though it would it really sucks that it had to go this way, A part of me just want to forgive and let go but it is like how many times can I keep forgiving and repeatedly still get hurt enough is enough.

I am still thinking about going to Spain I do not know if that is what I want to do anymore because I can always go there, I am thinking maybe visit Israel first and Spain later on in life because it isn't really a big thing for me to go to Spain like that and especially if the people I want to see I have no way to contact them.

If I am able to get in contact with them by January then there is a chance that I will go there, if my brother goes to Israel with no problem if he even goes then the month after I will go there; My friend/sister just went back to Israel to live she said America is not for her I am happy that where she is she will be happy.

Oh my god how can I forget to mention lol I had a whole breakdown over that situation with the past lover but what to do thats what happens when your in an emotional state lol, I will be okay.

PEACE AND BLESINGS,

ALWAYS REMEMBER THE NAME NBSY, WHERE LOVE COMES FIRST.