exclusive [ dreamwastaken x reader ]

chapter eleven

It's hell not being able to see my best friend.

It's only been a few days, but I miss Kara. I mean, I texted her of course, but still... A few days ago I was a virgin, not knowing what to do with her life, but with her best friend on her side. Today, I am not a virgin anymore, still not knowing what to do with her life and her best friend gone for four days.

Four days. It's been four days since Christmas. It's been four days since Clay and I hooked up.

We... haven't really talked since. Well, since our call. Of course, it's because both of our days have been filled by family reunions and Christmas activities, but it feels weird not talking. We haven't even texted. I mean, I only text when I want to meet up – I don't like writing with people about boring stuff, only when there's something interesting happening or something like that.

But it feels weird not texting with Clay. After what happened at least.

It's not that I haven't done this before, but the second I got a Twitch notification that 'dreamwastaken' was live, I clicked on it. I didn't really watch the stream or anything – just listened to his voice.

We have had longer times without talking to each other, where I also didn't have to eagerly click on a video to hear his voice.

But I needed to. I needed to hear his voice again, because I just couldn't get our night out of my head. It has constantly been there – manipulating me, not letting me have any other thought. Just Clay's voice, his body. Him on top of me.

And suddenly to have this withdrawal of him, after having so much of him... it's hell.

And if the only thing I could get since that night is a simple livestream from him – not even being able to see his face, just to hear his voice – I'll take it.

And even if I haven't felt anything than deprivation in these last days, I still couldn't help it but to feel totally nervous as I got his text.

'wanna come over?', he texted me.

'Wanna come OVER?' Is he actually joking?! Writing that and instantly making my heart race – this guy should be sent to jail, because of how he's fucking with my brain.

That's... that's why I miss Kara... why I need her. Exactly because of this.

I know, Clay and I decided to not tell her about what happened, but still, I know that she could calm me down. That she could be there for me and tell me to not go crazy.

Not go crazy and stand right in front of Clay's house – exactly what I am doing now.

I take in a deep breath, hands pressing against the steering wheel.

It's all fine. That's what I've been telling myself for the whole drive here. Okay, it's only a few minutes to Clay's parents' house, but still...

My worries are actually not seeing him again, it's more the fact that I'm scared that he finds out how bad my deprivation is. My deprivation for him.

I take a last breath, then open the car-door with way too much power... Well, that is a great start.

I close it, this time more carefully, and walk up to the door. I ring the doorbell and wait.

Hands... where the fuck do you put your hands?

I try out multiple places to put them on my body, to not seem weird, only to realize that I must look fucking weird right now. Phone... I'll just grab my phone and look on it, when he opens the door. That seem subtle, right?