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chapter thirty (smut)

!smut-warning!

I feel like I'm really getting used to waking up next to Clay.

Maybe I shouldn't, because that is something you probably only do with someone you're in a relationship with, plus I won't be able to wake up next to him when I'm back at college only in a few days – but still I do.

I blink, opening my eyes slowly. "Jesus fuckin-"

Whatever this kind of bit is, that happens in movies, that when the love interest wakes up and the other one is already up, looking at them with all googly eyes – that shit is not cute, or real. In real life that shit is kind of scary.

I have to laugh from my own words, that slipped out. But come on, the fact how Clay looked at me with his eyes as I just opened mine... I just didn't expect that.

"What?!", Clay grins at me, leaning up his upper body like I just did.

I look at him grinning, shaking my head. Then I snort, hands holding my face. "Sorry! That just really caught me off guard", I try to explain to his knowingly smiling face.

"What do you mean?", he asks and lets his head fall down on his pillow again, still facing me. I do the same, kind of not in the mood to stand up already.

I squint my eyes, now not so sure anymore if he knows what I'm talking about. "You know...", I mutter, head back on the pillow. "You looked at me."

"What? When?"

"Just right now."

Clay's kind of confused face now starts getting a smiling mouth. "Am I not allowed to, or what?"

"Well-"

"I like looking at pretty girls."

That makes me go silent... at least for some seconds.

At first, I blink, kind of surprised, but then I catch onto what Clay is doing. "You know what? Shut up." I give him an annoyed groan, even if it's just played.

But that makes Clay laugh. "You seriously can't accept one compliment?!"

I turn my head away from him, facing the ceiling. "Well... the thing is you just want to see me uncomfortable, because you know I can't deal with compliments", I explain, trying to suppress a giggle.

"Hey, no! It was meant sincerely!", Clay defends himself and I feel him hitting me lightly under the blanket.

I turn my head again to give him a look, but as I do so, his face isn't at all what I expected it to be. I expected a grin, or this damn smug smile that makes him have this cute little dimple on the side, but it isn't. It's a smile, but it's not smug... it's just a light smile.

I feel my lips part as we look at each other and I quickly close my mouth again. I wait a bit, like it's sure that he's about to crack into a stupid laugh any second now, but he doesn't. I don't know... but I rather have him laugh at me – I really can't deal with compliments.

"Then... thanks, I guess", I mumble, not sure what else to really say to him now.

Clay doesn't answer and we just keep looking at each other. Why does it feel so hard to just... look away?

I feel like I'm only allowed to blink when suddenly Clay's hand comes forward. I have the urge to move back, but as his hand is next to my head and he slowly starts to bring a strand of my hair, which is hanging into my face, to the side... I feel like I'm frozen. Not able to move at all.

I feel like I might be able to move again if his hand retracts, but the thing is... that it doesn't. It doesn't retract. It just stays on my hair, settling on the side of my neck.