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chapter nineteen

I know that I'm not the best driver anyways, but it's nothing compared to how recklessly I've been driving to get to Clay.

There is anticipation rushing through my veins – at least that's what I'm excusing my driving with. But no... it really is anticipation. Anticipation, because I'm hoping there is going to happen something very similar to the last time Clay and I have seen each other.

And fuck... that last time has been good.

I rush into Clay's driveway, then hitting the brakes. I get out of the car, not even bothering to check if I really locked it, like I normally do.

As I'm almost at the door I force myself to slow down – I don't want to greet Clay, me already being exhausted because of some stairs. I really take some seconds for breathing, only then I ring the doorbell and wait for the door to be opened.

I learned from my past mistakes and don't take my eyes from the door this time, watching which person is standing in front of me before I start speaking.

But just as I hoped, it's Clay who opens the door for me.

He's kind of dressed like me – comfortable clothes, nothing too out of the ordinary. But he looks good as always.

"Hi", I say and exhale, smiling up to him, as he's so much taller than me.

"Hey." I don't get back the same type of smile. Clay's is rather simple. It's only slightly visible, but I know it's there. Still, I'm a bit confused as I realize these dark circles under Clay's eyes as if he hadn't slept at all last night.

But I don't say anything, maybe because I'm still excited as Clay steps aside, granting me access into the house. I walk past him and just wanted to say something again as I see his mother sitting next to the kitchen counter.

"Oh- uhm, hi", I stutter, not having expected this encounter. Guess I completely forgot that there are also other people living in this house the second I saw Clay.

Clay's mom looks up from the paper she has been reading, starting to smile brightly as she sees me. "Oh, hey honey!", she greets me. "Happy new year!"

I blink a few times, before I realize you normally say things like that back. "Mer- happy new year to you, too", I say, struggling at first.

It looked like the woman wanted to talk to me a bit longer, but Clay stops her before she says anything else. "We're going upstairs", he explains to her, giving me a signal as well.

I wave at his mom, still a bit surprised that she is here.

Guess, I have to be a bit more silent than last time.

I take off my shoes, then I speed up my steps, following Clay upstairs into his room.

I walk inside, closing the door behind us both.

Should I lock it? Is that weird?

Is it weird that I give this more thought than my car door?

But as I plan my next step, I notice something: Clay on the bed. But... it's not "Clay on the bed" it's just Clay on the bed. With his phone. Just... merely existing there.

My brows furrow a bit as I just watch him lying there. I quickly look away as he drops his phone on the mattress and then looks towards me.

But my eyes go back to him again as he speaks up. "C'mere."

A bit confused still, I follow his words and come towards the bed. I stop in front of it, unsure what to do next.

Have I just... totally miscalculated the whole situation?