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chapter eighteen

I haven't opened any of my textbooks for college ever since I got home for Christmas break.

Since now.

Now I'm currently sitting on the floor of my room, trying to get some things for school a bit in order. At least that was my idea in the beginning. I think I actually made it worse as I started my process.

It started out great. I changed from my pajamas into other really comfortable clothes, put my hair in a bun and laid out every important document on my desk – at first. I realized there were many important documents, so I changed my workplace to the floor and just suddenly... I couldn't find anything anymore.

I sigh, playing with a pen in my hand. The fact is, I actually can't really concentrate on my task anyway. I keep remembering... other things.

I groan, head falling in my back as I think of yesterday again. I hate my damn head for replaying the scenarios on repeat – actually just because I really want to study now. If I didn't have to do that, I wouldn't mind these thoughts.

I shake my body and tell myself to not think about Clay fucking me and calling me a... Oh, come on!

I get up from my knees and grab my laptop, also laying on the floor, and walk over to my table. I open the laptop and wait for the screen to light up. It takes some time, given it is an older model, but well... it still works.

I click through some pages and then enter my password for my college-account. I access it, knowing that I'm about to see some missed assignments and mentally prepare myself for it.

But something different catches my eye. "Fuck", I mumble as I see the countless mails waiting to be read. I really don't want to do that.

My whole body tells me not to, but my brain decides to go for the only reasonable option and click on these damn mails.

I only skim through most of them, telling myself after the first paragraph that they are just unnecessary for me – at least until I get to read one of the last mails I got. It's only been sent a few days ago.

I reread it again, thinking I didn't get it right the first time. But I was right – I'm having my classes online... at least for the next more or less two weeks.

An annoyed exhale leaves me. Seriously? I hate these damn online classes with a passion – I can't even describe it.

I now lost all the motivation I had left for studying (What point is there now anyway?) and immediately grab my phone to cancel the train I would have taken to leave for college. Seems that I got some more time left here before leaving.

I wait for the cancelation to be finished and then want to get up and head downstairs, telling my parents these "wonderful" news (I know they are going to be happy that their little girl is staying at home a bit longer), but I get stopped by something else on my screen.

I click on Discord as it's showing me a notification. I smile as I see who it is from: George. After our short conversation from a few days ago there is now a new message – actually two.

'wanna play minecraft?'

'my friends ditched me and i'm bored'

I genuinely laugh at the messages that have only been sent two minutes ago (actually just because I needed my time to understand the Discord layout). I text back – now with my thrown away plans about studying I have plenty of free time, I guess.

'sure :)'

I expected him to text back again, but then I already get a call from George.