Too Good to be Bad | Negan |

32 - I have a surprise for you

I didn't think I'd ever celebrate Christmas again. But here we are! Laughing, drinking, joking around, exchanging presents. Like nothing ever happened. Okay, the beer may be old and taste a bit stale and the presents might be tattered or missing a piece here and there, but honestly, I think this is the best Christmas I ever had. It's easy to forget about the shitty night I had.

We've all bought each other gifts from the market. Except for Derek, since he didn't know he'd be celebrating with us, but he more than makes up for it by buying us all drinks. Alex, Max and the kids give me a box of coloured pencils, hardly even used. Nik and Katarina give me a poster of a kitten in a teacup to brighten up my new room. It's horribly kitsch, but I'll hang it proudly. From Priya I get a lovely orange shawl and Kieran gives me a copy of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. I gasp excitedly when I open it up. I devoured the Harry Potter series as a child.

'Oh my God, I love Harry Potter!'

'No kidding?' Kieran grins. 'You've pretty much talked my ears off about the wee wizard.'

I laugh and smack him softly on the chest with the book before I kiss his cheek to thank him. As I pull back his eyes seem to linger on me for just a second. Or is it just me? I'm sure it's nothing.

The day passes too soon for my liking. The kids play with their new toys while the rest of us share stories over drinks until we're all a little tipsy. Except for Priya, of course, since she's breastfeeding the baby. Poor thing never even had a drink in her life and I declare to her that we must get drunk together as soon as we can. I even beat Katarina, Derek, Jody and Kieran in a game of Monopoly. When it starts to get late, the kids go sleepy, worn out by the excitement of the day. After we put them to bed, we all stick around to share stories about our past and the people we used to celebrate Christmas with.

When it gets close to curfew, I leave the room with a full heart and a smile on my face. Kieran and I say goodbye to Derek and Jody, carrying a sleeping Samantha, at the end of the hallway and walk back to our rooms together.

'That was fun, wasn't it?' I say as I unlock my door.

'Aye, it was. Felt almost like old times, didn't it?' Kieran answers.

'It really did', I say a bit melancholy. I think about my parents, my brother, my family. We'd often travel up to Scotland to visit my grandmother for the holidays. I can still see us clearly, gathered around the fire place to watch the snow fall against the windows, hot chocolate in our hands.

'Lara', Kieran says, pulling me out of my thoughts. 'Something's been bugging me.'

'What is it?' I ask concerned.

'Don't take this the wrong way, but...' he says a little apprehensively. 'Why's Negan so concerned about you?'

'What do you mean?' I ask, making an effort to keep my features even. In truth, I feel my heart pounding. Is he starting to suspect something?

'When you were... you know...', he stumbles. 'When you were attacked, he seemed very worried about you. Any good man would be of course, but well, I guess I was surprised. He hardly knows you, does he? And he's hardly a good man. And then again with what happened last night, he just let you out of that cell right away? For all he knew, you were breaking his rules, right? I mean, he couldn't have known about your problems, could he? The sleepwalking.'

I swallow in an attempt to hide my discomfort. Should I tell him the truth? No, I just can't bear it. But I can hardly bear to lie to my friend, either.

'He knew about it. It happened on one of the first nights I was here. The night before we went to pick up the rest. The guard almost shot me, thinking I was possessed.' I laugh a little to break the tension, but Kieran's face stays serious. 'He got Negan out of bed and I explained it to him. I told him about... what happened.'