Too Good to be Bad | Negan |

60 - Take things slow

The next day, Derek comes to find me at the laundry room just before lunch. My heart makes a little jump when I spot him coming through the doors.

'Hey', he greets me. 'Wanna take a little walk?'

I nod and follow him outside. We don't say much as we make our way through the building. I guess we're both a little unsure how to be around each other now. But once the fresh air hits us outside, Derek starts to talk.

'I'm afraid I've got bad news.'

'Negan won't let us leave right now.'

'How did you know?' he asks surprised.

'He came to see me', I tell him a little hesitantly. Even though I decided against kissing him, we still got very close last night. I'm not sure how Derek will feel about it. Negan certainly wouldn't be happy to hear about it if something like that had happened with somebody else when we were together.

'Seriously?' he asks annoyed. 'Are you all right?'

I nod and glance at him for a moment. 'It was fine. I think he was expecting a fight, but to be honest, I get his point.'

'Yeah, I suppose it wouldn't do us any good if we ran into people from Alexandria and they find out we're from the Sanctuary.'

'Exactly. He did promise we can still leave. Once things have settled down.'

Derek nods and we continue to walk. I look at him a little apprehensively.

'Derek, I have to tell you something.'

'What is it?' he asks, sounding concerned.

'Last night, he... asked me to kiss him. One last time.'

I barely dare to meet his eyes. When I do, I find they look confused.

'Why?' he asks.

'We talked and I told him that whatever we had, it's really over. For good. And he asked if he could kiss me one more time. I guess he got a little... emotional.'

Derek doesn't really react as he processes the news. I bite my lip anxiously. Have I already ruined this, before it even really started?

'But I didn't do it,' I tell him quickly. 'I.. I thought about you and it didn't feel right. I'm sorry.'

Derek gives me a bit of a curious look. Then he stops walking and reaches out to grab my hand.

'What are you sorry about? You didn't do anything wrong, you don't have to apologize to me. I don't own you. Even if you wanted to kiss him, you could have.'

'Derek...'

'Don't get me wrong, the thought of you kissing him makes me a little sick to my stomach, but seriously... I hate the way Negan made you feel. Like you were his possession. You make your own choices. I mean, this thing between you and I only just happened, we haven't even defined anything yet.'

I look into his beautiful blue eyes and feel touched by his words. He's right, Negan did feel like he owned me. I remember what he said about Kieran. If you fuck him, I will kill him. And his rules, his ultimatums. It wasn't normal.

'Okay.' I smile at Derek, once again thinking I don't deserve him. 'But to tell you the truth, there's only one person I want to kiss.'

'Really?' he asks, the corners of his mouth pulling up into a smile.

'Yes. That guy', I say, nodding to a random guard who's currently picking his nose. 'I've been in love with him for a while now.'

Derek bursts out laughing and then grabs me unexpectantly. He pushes me against a wall and brings his mouth withing inches of mine, making my heart skip a beat.